Resolutions?

I pondered long and hard... Is there any point in making new year resolutions? How many ppl actually do remember the resolutions they made and kept to them? *shrugs*

Its come to the end of 2006. But really, neither my frens nor I can recall what happened durin the year. It seemed jus like yesterday when we were still struggling through peak in the 1st qtr of the year. No one seem to have much recollection about 2006. No one had anythin good to comment abt the year. Everyone seem to be suffering from amnesia or has 2006 been so terrible for all? Nothing memorable, nothing worth mentioning.. how sad can life get??

With 2006 being such an uneventful year, 2007 can't get any worse ya? Just a couple of things I want to remind myself of in 2007,

1. find my religious direction and strenghten my relationship with the Lord
2. be more disciplined in work, studies
3. re-find/re-build my direction in life
4. leave tis lonely place
5. be less tempremental

Let 2007 be a greater year for all my frens out there! 2006 will be over, so let's not look back any longer.. look fwd and continue to perserve in whatever u're doin! someday, u'll understand why things happen the way they do! Minasan, gambarimasu!!!

1995

That was 11 years ago, when we all first met. Everyone donned in a white shirt with metal buttons and blue bottom. We were then 13. 21 Dec 2006, Suntec City. We all met up again. We are now 24.

I really wouldn't have imagined that we would have a class gathering after so long. We weren't an exceptionally close class to begin with and back then, there were too many unpleasantries that marred the friendships between many. I had my reservations as to whether the gathering will turn out well.

As usual, had work dropped on me at the eleventh hour and there was no way I could leave having had that kinda feedback given to me jus the day before. I would've just packed and brought work home instead if not for impression management. Crap! In the end, I only managed to leave ard 9 odd, shortly after my boss.

Went down together with Aki. The rest were done with dinner by the time we got there. I was a little taken aback by the large grp (16 in total). It took me a while to recognise everyone of them! Most of them hadn't changed much, including their characters. Just that it has been ages since I last saw them and I needed some time to register their looks. The usual lame and crappy ppl were still their usual selves, out to irritate everyone else. Think it was such a pity that we missed dinner where all of them had so much fun digging up all the nicknames and happenings of yesteryear.

(Sitting L-R: Eden, Madeline, TuanEng, me, Aki

Standing L-R: Yuchun, Yvonne, Hongjing, PeiPei, Warren, Kelly, Weikai, ThongLee, Jianwen, ChangHsu, Colin)

Look at all the happy smilez on our faces!! Guess from there, you can tell how glad everyone was. Fond memories of those innocent times keep flashing back, especially when I'm feeling all weary and tired of the added responbilities of growing up. It was a nice opportunity to forget all the worries and just reminisce about the happy times.

Thanks Weikai for the initiative of this gathering. He has to be one who has changed the most. From the quiet and nonsensical young kid to the matured and serious person he is right now.

Thanks Aki for Mukgu too!! Its now hanging on my wardrobe ^^

Happy when busy and tired

When PS asked me what she could pick up this winter on top of work, DGS and climbing, I just went 'DUH'. I thought those were enough to keep her busy, but apprarently it wasn't so. DGS and climbing had become part of her routine, and she needed to look for something else on top of that. Last winter, she managed to squeeze in time to do her mandatory papers as well, and without that in the way this year, she believes she has time for more activities.

We started discussing about how we've been engaged in so many other activities besides just work. Come to think of it, we've yet to stop studying since graduating from Uni. Besides work + study, we're also both actively involved in so many other activities. But PS certainly has more things on her schedule compared to mine. Studying is to aid our progress in work and all other activities are out of pure interest.

I had always like Jap and dance. This year just happened to be the most suitable time for me to get engaged in all these. Albeit I am beginning to feel tired, but I really love the lessons and at least I know that when I were to look back in the future, I can tell myself that I've done things which I'm interested in, and wouldn't be so disappointed with how I led my life.

All I can say is that we're 2 people who really wanna live our lives to the fullest. Lots of sleep has been sacrificed but I would believe that we're both very happy. Hence, PS said to me, "I think u're happy when busy and tired, rather than being free and bored". I think the same goes for you as well PS! Let us continue with our crazy schedules and keep each other going despite the geographical seperation!!

So looking forward to your return in 4 days!!! Countdown ticker is ticking away.. =)

When the results was announced

Last friday, I was eagerly anticipating the results of the winning bid for the Sentosa IR as it would affect me quite greatly. Well, the government sure had her way of keeping people in suspense! Results were due to be announced only at the end of the day at 5.30pm!!

When the results was announced, I felt my heart drop in two-fold. First was to heave a sigh of relief that I will have a wonderful Christmas afterall. Second was that I will never have that nice piece of experience to add to my resume. I had put in quite a bit of effort before the results, researching, analysing and forecasting. It was great experience and I loved it despite the late nights I put in. A project of this scale is a kind of one in a life time thingy and is unlikely to come by anytime soon. So felt kinda disappointed.

Well, my fren tried to cheer me on saying that something better will come in my way in place of this opportunity lost. I certainly hope so. That's the reason why I moved over in the first place. Have faith ^^

Chicago beckoning

Lately, I've been receiving mailers telling me of opportunities in Price's Chicago office. This is more of an internal mailer where I had left my gmail contact back then. Frens from Price will know about the Global Opportunites page. Chicago's beckoning!! No doubt I am certainly not qualified for the roles they are looking to fill, but no harm submitting my application. PS's overjoyed on hearing this and is even more excited than I am right now! This time round, I'm DEFINITELY putting in my application! No more BUTS and leave the rest in the hands of God.

Sleep Tite, Dun Let the Bedbugs bite

None of that held true last nite. I had such a disturbed sleep that I'm feelin' so tired now.. Gone to bed at ard 2am and woke up at about an hour later, itching all over. Thinking that it was the mosquitoes disturbing me, I went to get the mosquito repellant. It helped a little, but through the nite, I was flippin', tossin', scratchin'...

When I finally woke up, I showed my bro the bites. It din looked anything like mosquito bites. He said it could be sandfly. 'Duh'! How can there be sandflies in my room?? Where does he think we're staying? I went on to tell my dad. He was shocked and said its BUGS!!! Then we started the bug catching adventure. It didn't help that people usually only have a pillow and a bolster, but I had like 3 pillows, 4 bolsters, 3 large soft toys on my bed. We slowly went through these 1 by 1, catchin' those irritating bugs. Caught a total of 8 of them. They're really hardy. Instead of killing them straight, dad put them in a container of water to drown them. But they were still moving ard in the water for quite a while. My bro was the crazy one. Don't know if he gets a kick out of it or what, but he squashed the bugs one by one in the water. So the water kinda turned into a sea of red..

Dad said I must have brought the bugs back from the club I went to. =\ He's just afraid that the eggs laid by the bugs are still stuck somewhere around. He said we'll have to go through the bug-catching exercise again next week. Let's hope there ain't anymore. Itch and eekss!!

Fate

Had spent the last couple of days watching yet another Korean drama - My Girl. The first couple of episodes will make you think that the storyline is rather similar to that of Goong. However, watching the show right till the end, you'll find that there are similarities, but these are essentially 2 different shows. Aki asked which show I prefer? Frankly, I do not have an answer. I love both shows, thanks to being such a romance flick lover^^.

In both shows, it was always such that the rich guy will end up fallin in love with a gal whom he never would have imagined it possible that he will have the slightest interest in her! The gal is always someone who's of a lower social status, unable to carry herself well/be able to fit into the atas society, but they are essentially very bubbly and are like 傻大姐. Its literally the ugly duckling turning into a beautiful princess.

No doubt this is the reel life. But it got me thinking of 2 questions.
1. Is there really such a thing called fate?
2. Can 2 ppl who seem so different really be together?

I would think that I am a fate believer. I always feel that if something is meant to be, it will happen. Otherwise, no matter how hard you try, nothing comes out of it. But then again, how to know what fate is dictating for you right now? Something which I thought was fated to be, suddenly turned out to be otherwise. When I decide to ignore it, this fate thingy seem to come into play again. Then it disappears once more. This 'ding-donging' has happened more than once, such that I no longer know what to believe in. Hence, it got me to question if there really is such a thing called fate and how in the world would you know how to read the signs? I'm getting more and more confused..

I had always been a believer that no difference can be so huge that it could prevent 2 ppl from being together. But I had been proven wrong once and it was a heavy price which I paid for not believing otherwise. After that, I learnt my lesson and made my stand very clear. Then I begin to ponder again. Had I been too single-minded in my thinking that left no room for miracles to occur??

Everything just seem to point to the fact that my logics have all failed me, which explains the predicament I am in right now. However, I just refuse to believe that my logics ain't logical! Either way, its causing me quite a bit of grief. I'm in such a confused state of mind right now!!
*sighz*

Sometimes, I just wished that I was a marionette. Then I wouldn't have to bother about anything, nor get myself all confused over things that I'll never have an answer to. All I have to do is allow myself to be controlled by others, to allow others to tell me exactly what I ought/ought not to do. Then, there'll no longer be confusion and the exasperation that comes along with it. Somewhat of an escapism nature, but much less tiring...

Clubbing, Cantopub style?

Had been working hard the past weeks, hence, decided to head out for a drink with my ex-colleagues. The newest addition to the night scene - St James Power Station. Thought it would be interesting to check that out. They had to work till 11-ish, so we met up pretty late. Got there way earlier then them and 'floated' ard like a lost soul. It was my first time there and I don't really know where to go. There're a couple of different themed rooms there. We went to Dragonfly, apparently the more favoured place by many. While queueing to enter, both of them told me that they don't tink I will like the place. Hmm... I wonder why...

To my shock, we bumped into a whole group of my ex-colleagues from the same CG, including the managers! I really am very surprised. I never knew they were this close that they would go clubbing together! Well, neways, back to the place. It was really really packed. The crowd was obviously the more matured group, with a lot of uncles and aunties and those lao bengs with tattoos all over their bodies! When the performance started, I couldn't help myself and laughed non-stop. They sang CHINESE oldies!! Never been to a club where the music was Chinese oldies. I had saw that on tv when they were advertising the place, but to be there and watching and hearing it live, really, is very different. Sylvester, the Singapore Idol 1 first runner-up performs there as well. He's one of the 2 who sings slightly more pop and hip songs like those by Jay Chou. The other guy, who's rather good-looking sings songs that are more rock. Other than the 2 of them, I think the performances aren't anything to scream about. I even felt that some of the performances were kinda sleazy, as though you were in a nightclub. It felt more like attending a Chinese concert rather than clubbing. The revival of the Cantopubs? LoL.

We din check out the other rooms. It was just too interesting to watch the performances. LoL. According to my friends, they sing the same songs everytime. If that's the case, then I think its really boring. I wouldn't want to go back after being there once. The other themed rooms include a Jazz, R&B... wouldn't mind checking these out the next time round. My friend asked me, "Is this too chee-na for you?" Erm.. I never knew I came across as someone who's an English potato to her. Haha.. Frankly it wasn't that it was too chee-na for me. That's not an issue. In fact, I think I know more of the songs sang as compared to her. Besides chinese, there were cantonese rock songs by the likes of Beyond too. I would think its worth a visit, just to experience something very different as compared to the mainstream clubs/pubs. I would definitely be going back there again, but to the other themed rooms instead.

MoodSwings

可能是太经常用英语的关系吧， 现在一旦不开心就会用华语来表达。

突然又感觉心情好低落，觉得好孤独。心里只想着要在那无边无际的海洋上望着天上那如此遥远的星星。我又再次流泪了。。。在过一个多月就是圣诞佳节了。但却一点都感觉不到那喜悦的气氛，反而感到心很闷。

最近的工作特别繁重。在时间上虽然还能够应负， 但我却领悟到自己的能力也只不过如此而已。或许我真的并不适合在商场上拼斗吧。我并不知道我能撑多久。。。就拿昨天来说吧。上司对我说了声“谢谢”。但我知道我并没帮上任何忙，也照实的跟他说了。虽然对自己的无能感到惭愧，另一方面却是非常开心， 因为手上的工作终于暂时到个段落，我终于能喘口气了。听起来很怪吧。心情同时又是开心又是低落，似乎有点疯了。我也不知为何会是如此。

好久都没到外婆家去探望她老人家了。刚好今天下了班没其它节目，就顺道去陪陪她。到了门口，看到她在椅子上睡着了。其实我当时看到那一幕时，心里感到非常不安。我好害怕她会永远就这样睡下去。虽然知道生老病死是免不了的，但还是会害怕，会伤心难过。幸好我去探望她。原来厨房漏水，她不能煮饭， 脚又疼，只好一个人弄些麦片吃。我听了更是心酸。她是有儿女，也有孙女的，但看起来却和那些无儿女的老人没什么分别。我真的真的很难过。我们都没扮演好各自的角色。当外婆拿出表妹送她的纪念品让我看时，我能感觉到她有多么的高兴。她一直对我说个不停，可见她有多么的孤独。。。

在回家的路上，我不尽然的想起爷爷、舅公、外公和奶奶过世时的那幕。泪水也不由自主的流下。我曾经对自己说过一定要珍惜能与外婆相处的时间，因为我不要在失去后才后悔。但我还是没做到! 我对自己感到非常非常失望。原来我也只不过是个只会说，却不实现诺言的人。我太讨厌自己了!!!

迟些时候，妈妈回来了。我对她说了外婆的情况。她这时告知我说外婆最近经常说她脚很疼，也越来越少到楼下走走了。这并不是我所认识的外婆。她一向来都很喜欢跟着外公到处去。但自从外公过世后，她却只有到楼下与其他老人家聊聊天的份，因为没人带她出门。现在，她连门也不踏出一步。。。

小时候就很想快些长大，但长大后却一直想着回到那无优无虑的童年。成长过程夹带著太多太多的责任与烦恼了。我想我真正希望逃避的就是成长吧。。。

What should I do?

Through the past couple of days, I finally realised what it is that I don't like about my current job and how my current job differs from what I have in mind. But what's the use of this realisation when there ain't anything that I can do about it? I certainly don't have the capabilities to be where I would want to be - investment banking. But being where I am right now, I don't see how the experience could help me get to where I wanna be. For one, I feel that my supe ain't that well-versed in what I'm interested in learning, neither are the rest of my colleagues since that is essentially not what they are interested in - in-depth financial modelling.

The truth behind financial modelling all depends on the assumptions you make, and really, its difficult to justify these guesses made, but at the same time, its difficult for others to rebut you as well. These financial models built typically leads to a 'sale' presentation to external parties. Currently working on one such project now and I really like it despite the fact that it had caused me to lose sleep for a couple of nights and burnt my weekend working on it. Its a sad truth that projects of this kind are hard to come by. I really hope something comes out of this project for me so that I can continue working on it. But this will be at the expense of my time, at least for 2-3 mths. I don't really mind, if you ask me. Can only keep my fingers crossed.

Meanwhile, I feel that I ought to do something about this. This current job gives me more satisfaction than my previous job. But there're parts of this job that so irritates me and I just hate it! But I really don't know what I ought to do right now. Thinking about it, there're only 2 options for me now. 1 is to move overseas to do audit since I ain't doing what I like now as well, so why not move overseas to experience something different? 2. To stay on till its time to go take MBA. I really don't know... ...

X'mas tree brings back Memories

Went out with HX and DY last fri. JW couldn't make it in the end cos of food poisoning. When we got to Raffles City, HX and me exclaimed when we saw the huge Chrissy Tree!!! It still seemed like yesterday when we took a pic in front of that tree last year! We could still remember so vividly that we were hanging ard the area while waiting to meet up with another 2 galfrens. But the lighting was much prettier last year compared to tis year.

This past year seemed to have just flown by without us knowing what exactly happened. Last year tis time, the both of us were so sick with work and life (not that I ain't feeling this way any longer). Jus that its a little better now. Not as sick with work nor life, but still as lost as ever to what I want. The thought of moving overseas is still floating ard my head, but guess I still don't have the courage to put everything down and start afresh overseas. So, PS, I have yet to put in my applications. I know I should just write in and see what happens, but can't bring myself to since I can't convince myself 100% that I want to move overseas at this point in time and going back to what I used to do. Its overseas vs job experience that I want.. .. But not ruling out anything at this point in time yet. Suppose just waiting for the right time.. ..

Terribly terrrible service

I really am peeved by the service I got from the 2 restaurants I visited recently. Can I name the 2 restaurants? Won't name them but one's located in Cineleisure, the other located in Raffles City.

Let's talk about the one at Cine first. While waiting to be seated, we saw a cockroach crawling over the cakes =\ I got the attention of the guy behind the counter and wanted to tell him about the cockroach, instead of hearing me out, he told me to wait! Despite this, don't know why, we still went in. Had ice-cream and steered clear of the cakes. The place was certainly crowded and it took really long before someone came to take our orders. When the utensils were brought to us, they were dirty and was still stained with whatever wasn't washed off properly. Eeeks. They took an exceptionally long time to get us our plain water and never bothered to refill the glasses till very long after we requested for them to do so. While we were having the ice-cream, we saw another cockroach crawling around the seats!!! Hygiene = FAIL! When we were trying to get the bill, no matter how we tried to get the attention of the staff, it jus seemed like we were invisible people. When we were finally shown the bill, I just had to say my piece. I told the manager that should they want to charge service charge, they ought to do something about improving the service they provide. Could tell that he was really shocked to hear that and asked me to explain further. We never had the intention of asking for the service charge to be waived, but the manager took that off our bill on his own accord. That's the only saving grace of that place. I know I'll never set foot in that place again!

The one at Raffles City wasn't any better. We had told a couple of waiters that we wanted to order. All they did was asked us to wait. But they never came back to take our orders. Same thing happened when we asked for the bill. Super fed up. After we walked out of the place, I kept feeling that something wasn't right with the change I received. Hence, I checked and really, the change was short of 10 bucks. Now, I know I ought to have checked that before I kept the change and stuff, but.. We went back in and told the manager about it. One of the waiters then commented that we ought to have checked the change before we stepped out, as though tellin us that it was our own fault and they won't do anything about it. Don't have to state the obvious. It was our fault, but it wasn't as though they weren't at fault too. Shouldn't they have checked that the change they gave back to customers were correct too? Moreover, I'm not those cheapskate customers who would cheat the restaurant of the money by saying that the change I got was short when in actual fact it was correct! I can't expect them to think that way since they don't know me but they shouldn't doubt their customers like that right? Luckily, their manager apologised and said it was an error on their end because of the large no. of customers they had.

I know for sure I'm never stepping into either restaurants ever again.

Something should really be done about the service standards, not only in these 2 restuarants, but in Singapore on the whole.

Happy, yet Sad

Haven't post in a while... not sure wat to write actually... and also, been busy with work as well as customising my blog's template...

I'm someone who can't keep to 1 blog template for long, cos it becomes very stale and boring to me.. and I think it applies to my life also.. good or bad?

Happy yet sad.. do u all get this kinda of feeling at times too?? There're things that make you happy, but yet when looked at from another viewpoint, they make you sad.. =\ still can't really gather my thots to write anythin... ...

Awesome!

As usual, hung out with SH, SM and SX on fri evening. I had been craving for ice-cream, gelato in particular. Hence, we went in search to satisfy my craving. Its kinda sad that there ain't that many ice-cream places that open late... We settled for the one at Cine, but it ain't gelato. =\ Neways, had fondue + ice-cream. A really sinful nite. Heh. Not sure how many ppl actually remember this bubble blowing thingy from their childhood. Its a small tiny tube where u squeeze out this clear like gluey substance onto one end of a tiny straw. Then u'll blow thru the other end of the straw and get this bubble. Size of bubble really depends on ur skill and the amt of gluey stuff. We were like 4 kidz, hitting the bubble around at the table! Of course we invited stares, but who cares? They bought me this dress which I wanted from the online store! Thx peeps!! =) I just felt like going for a spin after, but we couldn't really decide where to head to and I think they were tired as well. Thus, it was home sweet home.

Sat's a public holiday so I had no classes. Had planned to do revision on my own, but of course, it never did occur. I couldn't see my table even. How to study? Its bcos my nephew's at my place, so my room was in quite a bit of mess since things have to be rearranged whenever he comes. Alright, its kinda more like an excuse, but realli, my room's always a mess when he's here. Spent the entire Sat sleeping. This is the 2nd straight weekend where I slept for almost 24 hours. I have no idea why I'm that tired.

Stayed over at my bro's place on Sat. As my sis-in-law was out late, me and my bro spent the night chatting away while coaxing my nephew to sleep. He's kinda hyper-active. I love the long chats I used to have with my brothers when we were younger and all 3 of us shared 1 room. I really enjoy sharing with my brother and I missed those days when we were still kidz.

I've got a really wonderful brother. He woke up the next morning and even went for breakfast with me before sending me to Punggol Marina for my wakeboarding session. Wakeboardin is FUN FUN FUN albeit very tiring. I've got super improportionate feet! My left foot could fit the boot nicely, but my right foot was obviously too large for the boot. It strapped it down so tightly that there was no blood flowing through my right foot. Could see the toes all turning purple and my foot went numb. But I couldn't use the guy's board bcos the boot would be too huge. Just had to make do then. Think I'm not bad for a first timer, since I managed to stand and ride the waves for a short short moment. The phobia of fallin when wakeboarding is quite minimal as compared to rollerblading. Maybe its the perception that you won't suffer brusies and cuts when you fall in the water as compared to fallin on the roads. However, it does depend on how you fall as well, since the impact of hitting the water varies. It was a superb session! However, wakeboarding is too expensive a sport. Otherwise, I'll really pursue it.

Later that evening, went for dinner with my bro and his family. My nephew is sooo cute!! He was asleep in the car. But when my bro stopped to drop me off and said 'bye', my little nephew actually woke up to say bye. I so adore him ^^

Simple Life

I really wished that life could be a whole lot simpler...

Life seems all different when I'm in dance class, and I really wished for class to never end... Getting into the feel of the music... It just feels completely different, as though you've been transported to a whole new world with no worries and stress... Can I jus dance, dance, dance and dance??

Feeling weary, tired... a little too early to feel this way, but I really do...

I just yearn for a simple life... one without worries and stress... ...

<<宫>> 我的野蛮皇妃

L to R: Hyo-rin, Crown Prince Shin, Chae-gyung, Yul

Gosh, this has to be the best Korean show I've watched this year!! Its amazingly great. Its somewhat of a romance commedy. The initial part of the show was more of the commedy portion, and towards the end, its where all the emotions start flowing... ... awesome show! I love it to bits!! (cos i jus love romance flicks ^^)

The story is based on a comic series set in the 21st centruy yet with Korea still being ruled by a royal family.

Shin, having been brought up in the palace where strict rules outweigh family love, is a very cold person. The heavy royal responsibilities does not allow him a private life and has zapped him of all his dreams. He no longer believes in family, love nor frienship. As a result, he also treats Chae-gyung very coldly. After having spent considerable time living under the same roof as her, he starts fallin in love with her. However, he never told her how he felt and what's worse was that his way of showing her care and concern was also so harsh and sarcastic! But behind that, you can feel that he's really just trying to protect her. Whatever he does, he was just doing his utmost to let her be the happy-go-lucky gal she was before she entered the cold palace. And all that he did, he did at the expense of his own happiness! How noble he is... If only someone had taught him how to shower care and concern on a gal... ...

Chae-gyung had long felt Shin's loneliness and really wanted to help him believe that there's warmth in this world. She stood by his side regardless of the countless times she was snubbed by his sarcasm and no matter how Yul tried to win her over. Yul is this super sweet guy in the show who just knows what to say and what to do to make a gal's heart melt. Simply the exact opposite of Shin. Right from the start, he let Chae-gyung know how he felt towards her despite her being his cousin-in-law. Its a weird twist of fate. Yul was the Crown Prince till his dad passed away and palace rules resulted in his mom and him being forced to live outside the palace. If he was still the Crown Prince, then he would've been the one who got married with Chae Gyung. Yul kept planting ideas in Chae-gyung's head that Shin din like her and will never fall in love in her. He also tried to snatch his Crown Prince position back from Shin, hoping that in that way, he could be with Chae-gyung instead. His love for her made him lose himself and did all the evil things. But it was also because of his love for her that made him admit to all the wrong-doings.

Chae-gyung's love for Shin never changed no matter how Shin treated her. She was of course heart-broken when misunderstandings arose and she thought that Shin only loved his ex, Hyo-rin. The problem is that this couple never communicates!! They loved each other and only wanted to do what they could for the other to be happy. But the lack of communication was the result that their actions all ended up wrong! However, she was the one who tore down the walls around Shin, and restored in Shin the belief in family, love and friendship. In the last couple of episodes where Shin finally opened his heart to her, he teared... Awww... the last couple of episodes were really touching!!

The COLD COLD Prince Shin finally opened his heart to Chae-gyung ^^

What a fairy-tale... I want to be in Chae-gyung's position too!! LoL!!

So touched!!!

In the darkness, I saw this odd looking package sitting on my table. Trying hard to recall if I had bought anything online lately. Certainly not that I can think of. Perhaps its a bdae present... but from whom? Taking a closer look, the handwriting looks like that of my cousin's. Description of the package says pants... Have to be from my cousin!

It might sound silly, but yea, she sent me a pair of pants from London for dance. My dance class had started just before she returned to London for her final year of studies. This really is something totally unexpected and having been flown all the way from London and being the 1st bdae present I got this year, I really am touched.

We've never been this close before. It all started with the Europe trip last year. 3 weeks spent together really made a difference. A new travel khaki ^^

THaNKS for being soooooo SweeT!!!

Everything was fine, till... ... forgive & forget, SMILE ^^

Glitz & Glamour! Theme of PwC's dnd held last fri. Despite not being an employee any longer, I joined the Sept 6 bunch for the dnd. Compared to the 1st DnD we had, there seems to be fewer of us. I had this very warm feeling when I got to Swissotel. The familiarity of the place and the people. I really really miss it. Its weird how I missed last year's DnD while I was still with the firm, but I actually went back for tis year's one when I'm no longer with the firm.

There was the PwC Idol competition going on. Contestant no. 1 was the SM from the CG which I was from. When I saw the SA1s in my CG all dressed up in their rented costumes, how the entire CG cheered the SM on, I kinda felt a lost. I don't recall having so much fun with my CG during the 2 years I was there and I know that there'll not be such camaraderie with my new colleagues in my current employment. But I have to say the PwC Idol is one interesting idea. ^^ There was also a dance competition by the various line of service. My jaw dropped the moment I recognised the guy in shades and this blink blink shirt was a Partner whom I've worked rather closely with. I just cannot believe it. LoL!!

We only had a little to eat, then off we went to take pics. I was quite surprised that there're people who still din know that I had left the firm. As expected, there're more people serving out their notice periods, and others who'd left too. Turnover rate might be high in this industry, but the friendships built are equally strong! I seem to miss the people alot. I jus went round catching up with everyone else. But everyone only had 1 question for me - how's my new work. =\ I still haven't completely convinced myself that the new work is what I want. I still haven't psychoed myself to be able to say my new work is not a job but a hobby. All I can say is that the work is certainly more challenging and interesting than audit but there's nowhere else that offers the kind of work environment that PwC offers. Work environment DOES affect whether or not you like your work.

I was thoroughly enjoying myself... until...

Someone whom I saw, but din wanna acknowledge asked me to the side and said something extremely dumb to me. It jus spoilt the entire evening for me. I carried on partying the night away with my peers because 1) I din wan to show any signs of weakness in such a setting, 2) I was angry but not to the extent to allow it to spoil the evening.

The usual gang I hang around with all left pretty early, so instead I stayed on with my ex-roomie and her bf till about 2am. What can I say, but as usual, you see the same old people who enjoy drinking themselves silly and get so high and sometimes make a fool of themselves. But these are the people who made the nite more interesting. Heh.

On my way home, I thought back about the incident. I needed to talk to someone, and at that unearthly hour, only 1 person is awake, PS. But I couldn't get her on the line. Had to resort to sending her email. While waitin for her reply, almost blurted everythin out to another person. Luckily PS got back to me jus then. Guess its jus a sudden surge of emotions. Calmed down after the call and went to bed.

Woke up on the right side of the bed the next morn! I asked myself what am I angry over, why am I angry? But I had no answers. Then it dawned on me that I had truly forgotten the past. I have began writing a new chapter of my life! The anger dissipated from within and I felt so much better. With this I realise, its much easier to forgive and forget then to live with anger in you. Now I'm glad I din say anything scornful last nite, but instead, had kept my cool. Love even your enemies. ^^

Greener Pastures

During this year's peak, the 3 of us often met up for drinks and chill-out sessions. We were and they still are, sick and tired of the work. After I left P, the 3 of us haven't got together. Hence, on Friday, we agreed to go roller-blading! Got SX to joined us as well. Due to work commitments, we only managed to meet up at 11pm. Luckily, I got to use the car. Its always so fun and carefree when I'm with this bunch of people. For once, I don't have to watch my words nor be wary of how my actions will be interpreted and read. I can be who I really am.

From what they tell me, life in P for them is really sucky, maybe save for 1. They're still hanging there simply because they do not know what exactly they want for a career. We have concluded and we all know for a fact that life in P is so sheltered and comfortable as compared to the REAL world out there. Also, its a job that will be protected even when there's an economy downturn. There's no need to worry about protecting your rice bowl. The pay is relatively attractive and allows one to lead a comfy life. After about 5-6 years, when pay is in the 5's region, find a job in the commercial sector where they'll mark-up your last drawn salary by a certain percentage, be able to knock-off on time, not having to worry about unfinished work after office hours and over the weekends.. life will just be simple from then on. Frankly, it is only after I've left that this thought struck me SO hard. I had given up this simplicity to be out there, competing with a whole horde of other people, just to get myself recognised and move up the corporate ladder. Indeed, it is much more challenging and interesting, but at the same time, it is 10000x more tiring and draining. I must be mad to have done so.

So much for the all famous saying, "The grass is always greener on the other side." Yep, indeed, it always SEEMS greener, that is before you hop over to the other side and experience 1st hand what its like.

I'm tellin myself to perservere in there. I like some parts of my job, but on the hand, I hate bits of it too. Everyday, without fail, there seems to be something out of the blue that will either make me cry or laugh out loud. Just on Fri, something screwed up at work, through no fault of mine, and I spent an entire hour just trying to get in touch with some people to seek an explanation, an explanation that didn't explain how things turned out that way. So, wasted an hour and came to no conclusion. Conclusion came only after I had left the office. My heart sank when I thought "shucks, I need to make my way back to the office". It was already 8pm then and I have no wish to spend my Fri evening in the office. Luckily, my boss said I don't have to go back should I be confident of what I had sent out earlier in the day. I could just inform the other party over the phone. Right, I wasn't really thinking str8 then cos in my head I only knew that I wanted to go home. I confidently told my boss that I am 101% confident of the document sent out earlier, and with that I made my way home. Thinking back now, keeping my fingers crossed now that nothing will happen when I go back to the office tomorrow. But I do know that I am really fed-up with the party that screwed things up for us all. They had gone home at 6 odd, leaving people like me hanging around till 8 waiting to clean up the mess they created. But this taught me one thing, trust only myself.

Tis is 4 ya , Star*lite

Whatever u've gone thru, and is going thru right now, ain't something that anyone can truly understand unless they're in your shoes. But looking at the way u view life saddens me, and all I would like to do is give u some form of encouragement.. life ain't really as bad as the way you look at it...

Darkness is what u choose to see ahead. Its a lot easier to see the darkness then to look beyond it for the light that lies at the end of the tunnel. It takes alot more courage and determination to look past that darkness. I managed to pull through my darkest times, but just today, I realised how easy it is to give in, and fall right into the abyss once more. The energy put in to fight against tis is enough to drain you out completely. Many people might comment that they ain't surprised that I got myself out of the mess. But frankly, I ain't as confident, independent and courageous a person as all of you think me to be. I guess I have to be the one who wears the most layers of masks. I am but just someone who would love to find some corner and hide from the rest of the world. However, with the support of those around me who still love me for who I am, and stick by me no matter what just to help get me out, you'll not want to disappoint them, you'll feel that this world is still filled with warmth and love. Just want to remind you that, there're alot of people ard you, willing to extend their helping hands to u. Its ur choice whether or not u want to accept their help.

Life itself is a journey, coupled with never ending lessons. All things happen for a reason. Things didn't happen just to make you feel all miserable. Why not look upon it as a lesson that will strengthen you as a person. There're also many more lessons you can learn from the episode, and only you yourself can take that step further and 'read' what this incident has taught you. In this way, then can you slowly let go of all the unhappiness in you because you've managed to look beyond them as just pure sad episodes.

Instead of looking for something which no longer can be found, why not work on what you have with you as of now, and build that happiness from here on? To be forward-looking, you cannot keep looking back at the past and sit there wondering why can't things be just like before? The past will never change, but the future is for you to shape, still. The happiness that you seek is still there, waiting for you to leave behind your past and take a step forward. You can just start with baby steps, but most importantly is for you to believe that the happiness is there, within reach.

Everyone of us has our own inadequacies. No perfect person exists except in the fantasy world. You can identify ur inadequacies, which means that you can work on improving on them! Its much better than some who don't even know what they are terrible at. Engage only in activities that interest you, and not try to use activities to take your mind off things. It helps for a while, after which, you'll only feel completely burnt-out, which would lead to you feeling even more terrible and upset with yourself. That simply defeats the purpose.

You can hide, in fact, I strongly encourage you to hide. Hiding is part and parcel of the healing process. But you have to step out of this 'hole' of yours one day and reconcile urself back to reality when the time calls for it.

Remember that there are lots of people ard u who care, so takkaire gal... really would like to see you smiling from within in the near future =)

JumpIN!!

Had always wanted to post, but told myself not to because I tend to spend quite a while writing each post, and I could better use the time to study. But finally, finally, finally, I cleared the paper!!! Which explains why I can be sittin here typin tis. =D Still don't understand how I managed to pass, since I kinda guessed my way through the paper. But I don't care and won't bother, since this was the 3rd time I sat for the paper already. The only thing I know is that I was grinnin from ear to ear when I saw the word 'PASSED' plastered on the screen. The only thing that I cannot do was jump for joy in the exam room. LOL. I jus couldn't contain my happiness. I'm still on cloud 9 atm. I've spent countless weekends cramping for the paper. Now I see the rainbow after the rain. Jus in time since the next couple of weekends are already filled with activities =)

There's a lot that I wanna blog about!! Tink shall start way back from 3rd Sep, night of President Star Charity Show. Courtesy of someone I just got to know, I managed to get tickets to watch the show live at the studio, plus join in the reception after. Main motive of goin for it was so that I could catch the winners of the Superband competition, MLB, live. I got more than what I bargained for. The performances for the night were mainly dance related and I really enjoyed them. During the reception, all the artistes were mingling around as well, so had fun snappin pics. Jonathan of SI II fame isn't as tall as he seem on TV, Belinda Lee is realli pretty, Tay Ping Hui realli suave and there's Benedict Goh, who didn't looked like he aged at all. After that, I actually went for supper with MLB and frens!! LOL. No one, myself included, would have expected that I could be so crazy about them. But after the supper, I just told myself, they are but ordinary folks like u and me, no need to be so crazy. Heh. Fact was, I needed food as well.

Failed the exam the first time rd on the 5th. Didn't feel anything since I only had myself to blame for not puttin in the effort to study. Thought I could study better at my brother's place, but ended up wasting my weekend away instead of studying. After the 1st trial, realised that its realli a difficult paper, so I started muggin for it. Decided to take it again on the 14th, when I was more prepared. Damn! Didn't make it again, jus by that mere 1/2 questions!! But all that's history now..

Started my 1st dance class in my entire life last mon. Its gal style hip-hop... more feminine and less strenous than the normal hip-hop I think. Hmmz.. but I feel like a block of wood... lost all my flexibility (I used to ace my sit-and-reach, nw I can't even bend for nutz), and ya.. can't get to the beat of the song. I noe more practice is required, on top of the 1 hr weekly classes... will try to do that...

My Japanese needs some (rather A LOT) of brushing up as well. Frankly, from lesson 20-27, I've not revised AT ALL. When the sensei asks me a question, I can only stare back blankly. *shy* Doesn't matter, now with the exam out of the way, I'll be spendin more time to catch up on Jap!! Just hope it ain't too late. Its JLPT 4 at the end of the year. Though I've already registered, but I'll sit for it only if I feel prepared.

Time for dreamlandzzzz =)

oh no! old at heart!

2 ppl I recently got to noe online commented that I always sound very serious for my age...

today, my supervisor told me that he's surprised of my level of maturity given my age... no tinge of childishness...

erm... so in other words I'm acting too old for my age... =x

Where is my youthfulness?? Lol.

work-life 'IN'-balance

I feel burnt-out... it has only been a month from the 2 weeks break I took...

I would love to have work-life balance. However, in working towards achieving that, I have been sacrificing my rest and sleep time, to the extent that I know my body can't hold out much longer. I'm feeling extremely extremely tired, concentration span is short and absorbtion level low.

Right now, there's so much that I want to do!! Of course, the main thing is working at making my way up the corporate ladder (I've just only taken the 1st baby step out). This requires me to study, and man, its a TORTURE to work and study at the same time when a typical work day lasts 12 hours. Then comes my interests of dance, music, and Japanese, followed by my search for God. Not forgetting the need to spend time with family and friends.

Mon, Thurs and Sat are set aside for classes. Fri evenings for family and friends (which is soooo insufficient). That leaves me with Tues and Wed to put in longer hours at work to make up for the other days and Sun for studying. Where is my rest day???

For my interests in dance, music and Jap, if I don't pick them up now, I know I'll never do it later on in life. I don't want to come to a day where I look back and regret not having pursued the things which I would like to. I only have myself to blame for having such varied interests. If I only had 1 sole interest, then life would be so much easier. lol.

I actually tell myself to hang in there for 3 yrs because I've planned my escape route 3 years down. lol. That is when I'll quit and go back to full time studying. Not that I enjoy studying (flunked 2 exams tis yr already!!), but it'll allow me to lead a slower-paced life for 2 years. I am fortunate to have this option because of a supportive brother (but will have to exhibit more persuasion skills on my mum) and this is perhaps the only thought that is keeping me going right now. And in search of the slower-pace of life, I am actually looking to study in Australia (oso because its more affordable) instead of the US.

Work-life balance - why is it so unachievable?

Off to dreamlandzzzz...

该不会重蹈覆辙吧?

好久没使用华语了。平日的交谈也多半是使用英语。因此，心血来潮， 就想以华语
来写这个BLOG。但是，我的华语程度已经一落千丈，现在可能只有小学水准吧。 时
不时还得请教我的表妹。她真是无法相信我以前可是修读高级华文的。嘿嘿! 是有
点对不起华语老师。。。 在此先说声 “对不起”， 因为接下来一定会念到很
多很多的错别字。请大家多多原谅。^^

为何会说重蹈覆辙呢? 因为我可能又再次喜欢上不该喜欢的人了。不须想太多， 我
指的并不是有妇之夫那类的。只不过是喜欢向他那类型的人会让自己感到很疲惫吧。
因为性格，背景都相差好多好多。。。有如此大的差异，两人还真能在一起吗?

昨晚，在用餐时才刚和朋友们讨轮到信仰的差别是否会是情侣的绊脚石。大家似乎都
有各自的看法与见解，也有实际例子。到最后都没人能有个解决的方法。 我认为不
论是信仰还是其它的差别，在恋爱中的两人总会觉得那并不是什么难克服的问题。
但相处的时间长了，却会发觉双方的距离因那差异而被拉得越来越远。在这个时候，
两人又该如何呢? 如果两人都能互相让步， 还有商量的余地。否则，两人的缘分就
只能到此了。

受过一次伤的我本该学乖点， 但爱情这东西真是令人难以捉摸。越是想逃避，它越
是紧跟着你不放。我很感谢上天让我们相遇和相识。这让我又多了一个知己。但这
也同时让我感叹， “上天，为何您要如此捉弄我呢？”我对爱情这东西已失去了信
心，也对它感到非常疲累了。不须在如此开我的玩笑吧！

故事接下来的发展会是如何呢？ 绝对不会是晴天霹雳的。因为他也说过，在这世上，
没有任何东西是长久的，还是做朋友来的好。

How ya doin??

Gatherings galore!!

Had a JC gathering on Thurs. Not so much of a class gathering, since there was only 8 of us, the usual few. Dinner was MaLa HuoGuo at Geylang. The table was a little small to sit the 8 of us, but we wanted the round table as it allowed for more interaction. The last we had a class gathering was 1/2 a yr back. We only have gatherings when Winson's back for his hols. We really had to go round the table, updating what each are doing at the moment. The guys are all finally in their final year. It feels so long since I graduated. Though we're all of the same age, I feel 'older' compared to them, because I'm the one who has worked the longest amongst all. So work really makes one feel much older. Hmm, if only I can go back to school, just to feel younger. LOL. It was buffet, so we, or rather I really ate alot. My appetite has been increasing ever since my trip to Melbourne. Arrgghhh.. I'd better watch my food intake, or I'm going to tip (my own) scales!! Its really really great to catch up like this. Totally made me forget everything about work. Next gathering, scheduled for 1/2 a yr later, when Winson is back and will call us out again. Grace's bf sent all the gals home after. Very nice of him, to come all the way from AMK, just to send her home.

There were 2 gatherings scheduled on Fri, both with my ex-colleagues. But given my energy level, only managed to attend one. Sorry to the other group, esp the bdae gal, for not turning up as promised. Had dinner at Vilage. Not a place I would like to have dinner on a Fri night, but the Raffles Place area is quieter, less crowded, and hence, a better choice for a gathering. All of us can be considered to be ex-PwC staff already. The remaining 2 are serving their notice right now. We've all moved out to the different banks, except for 1. She's still going to be in audit, Sydney this time around. I was really surprised to find out about it. She has never made any mention about it and never would have thought that she could leave everything behind and just go off like that. When I found out about it, I could feel the tinge of sadness in me. I wondered to myself, I could've done that, and I'll be out of SG within the next 3 mths. I am still unsure about my new job, so when I heard about her leaving SG audit, all the more I felt upset. Audit is certainly still something that I'm more comfortable with. But one won't learn nor grow if she doesn't step out of her comfort zone right? I've stepped out of mine, and believe that it will allow me to scale greater heights, that is if I have what it takes.

The only 1 left behind in PwC from this team that I used to work with is the manager. He doesn't have a choice. He had his 2 years of fun in Australia, now its time for him to 'pay back'. He's bonded and have about another 1.5 yrs to go. Its farni how he keeps complaining about every other thing to us. Well, 1.5 yrs isn't that long. It'll pass by without you even knowing about it.

The 1 and only thing that I miss most about my ex-firm, is the people. Its like going back to school. All your school peers are working together with you. Seniors in school are now your seniors at work. It was so much fun!! We were not mere colleagues. We are FRIENDS!! I MISS ALL OF YOU!!!

There was supposed to be another gathering on Sat evening. But I was so drained I couldn't make it down at all. Felt so bad for not turning up at the very last minute. I wasn't drained from work, more drained from all other activities that fills my schedule. Have resumed my Jap classes. So now, Saturdays are gone.

Met up with the Sec. sch galfrenz on Sunday. We spent a lazy evening at Parkway. We were talking about investments, about how to make our money work harder rather than just sit in the bank to 'earn' the interest that cannot be seen. Naturally, they all turn to me for advise. Sorry galz, I'm just as clueless as all of you are. Feel so dumb. After all this while, still can't grapple how to go about investing my money. All I know to do is splurge and splurge I did!!! I bought the handphone I've set my eyes on since some time back. It cost quite a bit. Shall take very good care of this phone so that I can use it for a longer period of time! I hate to be out when I'm feeling vexed. I just end up slpurging to make myself feel better. Super bad habit!!

I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save. I need to save.

That's like trying desperately to cast a spell on myself. Sighz.

Till I'm back again

I really really love this song. It has been on repeat ever since I first heard it. So, just wanna share this beautiful song with all. It might be simple, but listen to it with ur heart. Its bound to melt u somewhat.

Till I'm Back Again - http://media.putfile.com/till-im-back-again
Composed and sang by Nic

Live for today
Hope for tomorrow
Embrace all we have
Forget about the sorrows
Time slips away
Like sand through our fingers
But if you're there to see me leave just kiss me
And say Goodbye

Just hold me now and don't let me go
Its hard for you to take it
Forget me till I'm back again

A tear just to soothe your pain
Then I wanna see you smiling
Forget me till I'm back again

Hold my hand
Until the final moment
The touch of your skin
A feeling I'll remember
I'm just afraid
That I'll be gone tomorrow
I'll cherish every moment spent with you
Will you...

Just hold me now don't let me go
Its hard for you to take it
Forget me till I'm back again
A tear just to soothe your pain
Then I wanna see you smiling
Forget me till I'm back

Just hold me now dont't let me go
Its not that complicated
Forget me till I'm back again
A tear just to soothe your pain
Then I wanna see you smiling
Forget me... Till I'm back again

Tales from Down Under

This is the 3rd consecutive year where I've travelled alone. Each time I return, I always tell myself, "yea, it was fun, but I ought to stop travelling alone!" Its fun exploring a new place all by yourself, but there's no one to share the fun with during the trip and that takes away half the fun! But I never keep to my resolution. Still, I hope this really will be the last time.

This trip was a super impromptu one. I couldn't have planned for a change of job ahead of time, let alone be able to foretell that my request to serve a shorter notice be accepted. So, I got my tickets on Fri, and flew off the following Tues. Took me some time to persuade my Mum to allow me to go. Of all places, why Melbourne, I was asked. I was just looking at some place where the life was much slower, where I can relax and slow things down a little. Australia would make a nice destination and I could get free accomodation in Melbourne. I would have loved to travel to Chicago to meet PS, but US is a little too far for a one week trip. Yep, so I ended up in Melbourne.

Day 1
First time I took an early morn flight. I always had the impression that the DFS stores are open 24 hours. I was evidently wrong. Lucky for the terminals that provided me with free internet access and Uncle Tim for the online photos of his roadtrip, or I think I would have died of boredom at the airport.

It was evening by the time I got into Melbourne. Surprisingly, it wasn't as cold as I had expected it to be. Had Chinese food for dinner because my frens were craving for it. The portions here are HUGE!! Not that I'm a small eater, even my guy frens didn't finish their food! Adjourned to this Cafe - KokoBlack for coffee after. The hot cocoa and the ice-cream tasted so good. I so love sitting along one of these street side cafes, sipping away at a hot drink and watch the world pass you by on a cool winter night!

Then, we (or rather they) did stupid things at KS's apartment, while I watched on. Stupid because KS will so scream her head off at them the next day. But in their words, that's how they kill time at night. LoL.

Day 2
Since the motive of my trip was to relax, I didn't bother with alarms. I woke up only when I feel like getting out of bed, which, was close to noon already. Heh. Went off to explore the city on my own since my friends had lessons. The city's really small that you can cover it by foot. Since I was travelling alone, I had to ask people to help me take pictures. I approached this group of Chinese and spoke to them (of course) in Chinese. But that stunned them. As they were walking away, heard them discussing among themselves that they thought I was Korean! I shall just take that as a compliment.

Yea!! Was invited to dinner at my ex-colleagues place. YS met up with me at 630pm to bring me over to their place. 630pm!!! Its peak period there, yet, she can get off this early. Those in SG, the thought of it sux right? Our peak days, perhaps end at 12 - 1am the next morning!!
Thought I could sample Mich's cooking but nope, she couldn't get off work in time to cook since she gets home only at 7-ish. Instead, their housemate cooked for us. There was quite a spread! Steam fish, pasta, pork, veggie. She really can cook! I was told that Mich can really cook too. It was a really short dinner, because I had to rush off to catch a movie.

Movie's supposed to be at 8pm. But we went in only around 830pm. There's some student special where the tix is 1-for-1, which was why I watched a movie there. Or I was told, a movie ticket there cost ard A$15. After the show, I was asked if I wanted to go to the all-famous Casino. I told them I don't mind taking a look, but I don't gamble. To that, I got a reply, "I also don't gamble, I only play. Gambling is about greed, about wanting to win money." LoL. A good one there. Well, the only thing I've ever played in a casino was the slots machine. I know nuts about all the other games. 4 of us stopped at the roulette table. 3 were completely lost at how it's played, so the 4th person had to explain how the game works. Haha.

It was off to more food after. Dessert at Greccos!! Its this dessert place that serve really delicious cakes! The variety was crazy. But we couldn't order that many either since every slice was, as usual, large! Our orders - tiramisu, some custard cake (none of us can pronounce that word), mars cheesecake and banana cake. Except for the mars cheesecake, the rest of the cakes were only half-eaten. Such a waste! But we really really couldn't eat anymore. We hang around the place, chatting till about 2 plus before heading back. Bunked at another fren's place because I didn't have keys to get back and felt bad about waking my fren in the middle of the night. Slept only for about 1.5hrs in e early morn and got woken up by my fren who was trying to cook at 630am! I'm astonished! No matter how hungry I am, I don't think I'll ever cook at 630am. I'll just grab anything that's ready-to-eat. That's how lazy I am. Heh. Neways, him cooking means I get to eat too!! Ooohh... I'm such a leech. Bleah.

Day 3
After a sleepless night, I slept most of the day away. Went out in the late afternoon and took the city tram around. Checked out Docklands, their waterfront living area. If only I could afford to live at the waterfront. Sigh. Will this day ever come? Dinner was Greek food. The dips are so delicious! Y do food portions have to be so huge here? If only they were smaller, then I would be able to try more stuff.

Juf's fren was bored after having slept for I think the last 24hrs and is wide awake now! So he came over and we player poker. Loser was to drink tequila shots. Eeekss. After the tequila shots downed during every company's bash, I really don't wish to have to drink tequila. Luckily, I was on a winning streak! I was really dead tired, and wished to sleep. I was going to the Great Ocean Road early tomorrow morning, and I really don't wish to oversleep and miss the trip. It was about 3am by the time he left.

Day 4
I opened my eyes, and realised something's really wrong. The sky's a little too bright for the time that I'm supposed to be up by. Grabbed my phone and to my horror, its 720am!!! AHHHHH!! I was supposed to be at the pickup location at 715am!! I wondered why I didn't hear my alarm?? Luckily, the bus was a little late in setting off too and I had a contact no which they could get me on, and getting them to wait for about 10 mins was alright. Don't ask me how, but I managed to get ready in like 5 mins. If only I could do that every morning, then I'll have more time in bed. Heh.

About 2 hrs into the bus ride out of the city, my phone started vibrating. I wondered who it might be? The earlier mystery's solved! Not that I didn't hear the alarm go off, its just that, it never went off. The dodo me forgot that my phone is SG time, which is 2 hours behind. I would've so knocked my head against the wall had I not made it for this trip to the Great Ocean Road all because I was so silly.

The 12 (rather 8) apostles

I ain't the only one going on this day trip alone. There were 2 other gals who were alone too. So naturally, we cliqued. Lauren's from Boston, doing her post graduate course at the moment. Claudia's from Israel. But she's Chinese, her parents are from Hong Kong. She's a yr younger than me, spent a whole year backpacking in Australia. 1 entire year!! There's a young korean couple who spent half a year backpacking in OZ too. These people just make me so envious of them!! Funny thing is, Claudia thought I was only 20 when in fact, I'm older than her. She looks really tough! The super independent and don't come mess with me look! Kinda intimidating actually, but good for a gal who's backpacking on her own. Apparently in Israel, its really common for people to take a year off to travel before they start university. After high school, the guys will serve military for 3 yrs, while the gals do it for 2 yrs. Then they'll travel for a year before returning for college. At 23, 24, then they'll start college. At that age, I've been working for almost 2 yrs already!! Arrgghhh! Why isn't it in SG's culture where people take a year off to travel before they start work or something? Everyone here is just so eager to get into the work force as soon as they can. Madness. All 3 of us had something in common - that is, we're all single, having just walked out of a relationship in the last year or so. It was fun, sharing our stories along the way =p Looking at the korean couple made me wonder when I'll ever be able to do that - go on a long trip with my bf. That day is still really really faraway, and perhaps will only occur in my dreams. Haha.

It was the first time the driver cum guide took a group out to the Great Ocean Road. She took a couple of wrong turns but luckily, she always realises it fast enough. On our journey back, she even had to engage the help of another passenger to read the map and navigate for her.

I love the Great Ocean Road and the weather was really brilliant for a day out along the coast. The sun was up, took away part of the chill and made the surroundings look so much more pretty. It helped that I really love the sea too! Thinking back, I ought to have stayed along the coast for a night, then I would be able to catch the sunrise the next morning. Its alright! I believe I'll visit again!

Day 5
Juf's fren kindly agreed to bring us out to one of the vineyards in Yarra Valley, and also to drop by and take a look at the puffing billy, an authentic steam train. The drive to Yarra wasn't that far, about an hour odd. Its winter, the planting season, no grapes to see. But the scenery is spectacular and the air, exceptionally fresh. Its as though ur heart beats slower, everything ard u is so serene and peaceful. Really relaxing and refreshing. After tasting the wine, we drove down to a small town, Belgrave, to catch the puffing billy train. The train is fully run by volunteers who're residents of that small town. We were discussing about how nice life will be in that little town. Everything's so simple and laid-back there. But of course, one cannot know about the temptations that exist in the outside world. To us, we reckoned that we won't be able to live that kind of simple life after all these years of living admist the temptations. Even if possible, it would only be for a short while, as we take a breather from our crazy lives.

Lunch was fish and chips, and we ate in this playground in the town. The warmth of the food as you hold it in your hands and slowly savour it in the cold was so nice!! LOL. I kinda like the weather there quite a bit.

Had Viet food for dinner with Mich and adjourned to this greek dessert place. I seriously don't think I eat as much in SG. Seems like I was bingeing in Melbourne!!

Day 6
On the way to Church, we met with an accident. Its literally starting the day with a BANG! No one was hurt, except for the car. Hmm, not sure how much the repairs are going to cost. Met up with ur bro and cuzs for lunch PS. Ur bro suggested this pancake house. Great choice cos I like pancakes!! But the mirror at the entrance was kinda wrong. Its those mirrors that make u look fat! Place that at the entrance, who in the world is going to eat ur pancakes after seeing themselves so fat?? LoL. But of course we didn't bother about it and had our fill!

We all went our separate ways after lunch and I wasted the rest of the afternoon away.

Day 7
Procrastination the day before, left me unable to go on a day trip to Philip Island to watch the penguins. Weather forecast had said it was going to rain, which was why I hesitated. Then, I happen to see my cousin online who told me to choose shopping over Philip Island. Now, I still can't understand, how my cousin, a guy, could spend an entire day shopping at Smith Street. In an hour or so, I was bored. Nothing caught my eye in the shops. So, I decided to try something crazy. I read that there are trains that go to Philip Island, so I rushed down to the visitor's centre to check things out and see if I can make my own way there. Now, its really not possible to RUSH in Melbourne. The trams are so slow, that they just drive you nuts should you be in a hurry. But it didn't really matter. I was told that transportation to the island is really limited. Its either you drive yourself there or take the day tour. Its not possible to catch a train there. Oh well, having drove a short distance the other day at Yarra Valley, I know I can't possibly be navigating AND driving at the same time. Moreover, it was a rainy day and by the time the penguin parade ends, its goin to be late in the night. The highways have no streetlamps, and I ain't confident of driving in that kind of pitch darkness.

In the end, I explored South Melbourne in the afternoon. It was a superbly cold day since it had been raining on and off throughout. Didn't help that there aren't big shopping centres in the south. It was mainly littered with cafes along the streets with a whole stretch of the St Kilda's beach. So, I was kinda freezing out there.

Jap dinner tonight. Words can't describe how glad I was when I finally stepped into the warmth of the restaurant! I ain't the only one cause my friend was freezing cold too! As usual, it was off to drinks after dinner. My friend brought me to this place called Lounge. I was pleasantly suprised that coffee is served in a pub. We sat at the alfresco area cause the air was less polluted by cigarette smoke. But I didn't last long there. I was freezing depsite sitting directly in front of the heater. Went along with my friend to collect some stuff and had to walk in the strong cold winds. It was so cold, I wished I could just dig a hole and hide underground!! Haha.

Last day
Only went to Queen Victoria Market to buy all the goodies back for my dear family and friends in SG. Mich was free and in the city, so she came by and have lunch with me =)

After a week, I've adjusted to the weather and the pace of life there. But its also time for me to return to SG. *Sighz* its always like that.

Sat next to this Singaporean, Aussie PR on the flight back. Typically, she's a commerce student. Just that she's doing her PhD right now. In her 1st yr, she was homesick, but right now, she doesn't want to come back. Heh. I guess I can understand. I would love to live on my own too. But it doesn't work in SG. No one rents. Everyone lives with their parents, unlike in other countries. Don't get me wrong here. I love my family and they do give me the freedom that I want and is always supportive of all that I do. But the constant naggings still exist. I want the space without all the naggings. The more I travel, the more I yearn to move out and live on my own. Will this day ever come?? Hmm... PS, waiting for you to come back and rent a place with me!!

I am not what I seem to be

No idea why, but people seem to always get the wrong impression of me. I am not what I seem to be! Or is there something wrong with me that I cannot identify exactly what kind of a person I am? Well, what can I say? I can't control others thought process. Can only say, 'don't judge a cover by its books'.

Last day, last minute

Today's my last day at work. Gotta return all the company's stuff plus all the stuff that I've borrowed from my frenz! But, as usual, being the super last minute person that I am, I hadn't packed all the things. Hence, I was in such a mad rush in the morning, trying to round up all the things. But I gave up, cause I found nothing. LOL. This gives you an idea of how messy my room is. This only means that I'll spend the weekend ransacking my room/house for all the things, and return to the office on Mon. This is also the reason why I cannot make it to JB tomorrow!! Not enough time!!

Had lunch with those colleagues who were in the office today. Thank you guyz and galz. It has been a wonderful 22 months working together. Not sure where I'm heading towards, but I believe it is where I would want to be. A couple of you I've spoken to are hanging in there simply because you don't know what's ur direction. Well, dont' lose heart but don't take too long to think kie! Time waits for no one. The longer you drag, the harder it is to leave. But of course, don't leave for the sake of leaving too. When I was doing the clearance, it felt kinda surreal. I kept asking myself, is this for real? Am I really leaving? At some point, I also stopped and asked myself, do I really want to leave? Future's more or less certain over here, but yet I've chosen to throw myself into the deep end. Must be mad. But no venture no gain, I suppose.

Supposed to be a 2 weeks break. But from what I see, I don't really see a break. =(

I'm driving myself nuts. This weekend will be spent searching for things, writing letters for Choice and meeting up with Rachel. I also gotta pack and plan my trip!! Yes, another decision made on impulse. I'm flying off to Melbourne next Tues morning. I started making reservations only this week and just got my air tix and visa done this morning. Was keeping my fingers crossed that I don't get randomly selected by the system and get my visa application rejected! Its winter there, which is the reason why I have to pack properly, so that I won't fall sick. Otherwise, I won't really bother. Really last minute decision to travel, since this 2 weeks break wasn't exactly planned for. But thinking again, perhaps I should just stay in SG for the 2weeks, to settle all the admistrative matters for my next job and also to pack my CMI room. Also, its winter in Melbourne. Since my frenz have already gone skiing, they won't be going with me again. I won't go skiing on my own. Heard visibility's poor, which means I won't be able to enjoy much of the scenic routes. I can't go hiking in winter too. I'm beginning to wonder what I can do there? Of course I like winter for its cool weather and the coats that I'll get to wear. ^^ SG's just too hot!! But gloomy days are just not good for travelling right?

Well, whatever. Ticket's paid, though a little overpriced. At least I save on accomodation and guide. Heh. I'll just flip through lonely planet for the LONELY traveller, as my fren puts it. Yep, I'll be travelling ALONE, yet again. Hope there's nothing wrong with me such that I've got no friends who wanna travel with me. Haha. Even if its true... ...

There goes my bonus. First to HK, now to Melbourne...

Just wished that from Melbourne onwards, pace of things would slow down A LOT. Time seems to fly by me. Really need tis 2 weeks for a good rest before I embark on my new job, all recharged for the upcoming challenges!!

Mad, crazy, xiao, out-of-my-mind...

Now I feel a lot calmer...

All the above words are used to describe me just a while ago. I don't think there's any other person like me already. At my age, I'm still going crazy over a group of young kidz. *lol* I just came back couple of hours back, from the recording of the Superband competition. For those who don't know what tis is - well, its a music competition for bands. Tonight was the last round of the semi-finals and not knowing if I'll be around for the finals, I just tried my luck at getting the tix. Amazingly, I got it rather easily, unlike what I read online. =
What got me so interested in this competition is one particular band - Milubing. Early on in the competition, one of their re-arrangement for this really old song by Jeff Chang - Guo Huo, really impressed me. From then on, I've not missed a single episode of this show. Monday nights were never the same again because I'll always be home early, all eager and ready to catch their performance. Their improvisation of all those well-known songs really added a new touch and feel to those songs. It also got me motivated to 'erm' start playing my organ again!! Its been years, almost 7 in fact, since I last touched it. Even had to get it repaired first.

At the studio, it was kinda obvious I was one of the 'older' supporters.. the rest of them were probably sec, jc/poly students. I was definitely out of place there as I had imagined. This was the reason why I almost backed-out of turning up for the recording. But am glad I went after all. Their music was great! 3 really impressive and multi-talented young kidz! There's another group which I quite like too - Lucify! I like them for their J-rock/J-punk style of dressin! haha.. anything jap goes for me! They gave a surprising performance tonight!! One of the guitarist actually played the keyboard so well too!! These are the 2 groups I support in this competition because they're bands that play instruments and remake the music. The other groups are mere singing and dancing ones aka boybands type. They're impressive in their own ways too, but I like that live band music better anytime!

I witnessed how connected people are again. Bumped into my cousin's fren at the recordin and she's actually the gf of one of the member of the group that I'm supporting! how small is this World??

Alright.. enough of madness, I ought to return to Zzzzzzzzzland.

Mix feelings over HK

Came back from Hong Kong on Mon nite. Didn't exactly like the place, felt as though I had wasted money on the trip. If I had known I'm going to have a 2 weeks break coming up, I would never have gone to Hong Kong. Now, I need to think twice about going away during the 2 weeks break because 1) its going to hurt my pockets a lot, 2) cannot imagine the nagging I'll have to endure from my parents. I would really like to take a good break. I've gotta decide fast so that I can still get an air-tix.

Now, back to my Hong Kong trip. Couple of reasons why I didn't enjoy myself:
1) the weather was soooo HOT, I perspired till I almost dried up
2) the people (hong kongers, PRCs) are so rude and know nothing about basic courtesy
3) the trip was focused only on shopping, while I would've preferred exploring the place
4) my cousin was down with food poisoning on the 2nd day, so an entire day was wasted, havin to take care of her
5) the shoppin wasn't really fantastic cause of the different fashion and I can't afford to buy the branded stuff

Of course there're a couple of saving graces:
1) the skywalk at Macau - I wished I could just sit out there
2) the fireworks show at Disneyland
3) the fresh air and great scenery at peak and Lantau island

Despite the not so fantastic shoppin deals, I still manage to burst 1.5k on the trip. That amount can easily buy me an air tix to Australia. Perhaps some things are just not meant to be?

Anyway, check out the link to the photos =)

The right decision?

Feels weird.. I'm actually writing tis blog in office.. not that there's nothing to do, but more like I'm not in the mood. Just handed in my resignation this morning. Regretting my decision? Certainly not. How I can regret when I haven't even started out my other job to know that I won't like it enough. But its more like feeling lost and sad.

I don't know what to expect from here on. Its never easy to move out of one's comfort zone, to have to adapt to a whole new environment again. Its really comfortable here, with all my close buddies. I'm actually close to tears right now. My last day has been reflected. Its a mere 2 weeks away. I'm so gonna miss everything, everyone here. All the lunches, coffee breaks, bdae celebrations, chill-outs... the list goes on. SEPT 6 RUN PALS, U'LL ALL BE MOST DEARLY MISSED!! Ya, I will still remain in contact with them, but its gonna be very different.

Given the old me, perhaps I would've embraced this change with a lot more optimism. But I've changed. I seek stability more than I seek challenges now. Maybe I've grown all weary. A little early in life to be feeling weary, I know, but I really don't have a direction in life. I'm like bulldozing my way around blindly, hoping that some day, things will jus fall into place on its own. Don't really know what I'm doing.

I'll probably have 1 - 2 weeks of break before I start work again. Thinking of travelling for a week. Can't really plan anything at the moment, will just see where I'm led to or see who invites me to visit them.

For better or for worse, I really don't know. Only time will tell. ^^

Wat a weekend

Oh man! I'm actually feeling dead tired right now. Haven't had much rest over the weekend, and I'm so running out of time!!

After a half day stock take at a construction site on Fri morn, I was feeling too numb to make it back to office. All the walking around and the scorching sun zapped away all my energy. But now I regret not going back, otherwise I would've gotten my promotion letter already. So I spent the afternoon lazing at home before heading out to meet frens for dinner and to catch the World Cup. It was Germany vs Argentina. I support Argentina though I knew very well Germany would win, simply because they're the host country. When the match was so exciting, some NICE soul toppled a mug and the beer spilled onto me!!! AHHHH!!! My top was stained, I stink of alcohol and I felt so sticky. If it was jus a couple of drops that I got me, I would've accepted his apologies. But NO!!!!! My top had brown patches all over!!! Pissed, I retorted when he apologised, "Apologising is not going to change anything right now." Then I stormed off. I still don't think I was being mean by not accepting his apologies because, from my friends' description, he apologised only casued others told him to. It didn't help that he was so retarded in reacting to the fact that he spilled beer onto me. Reflex would mean apologising immediately and getting serviettes for me. But no, he stood there like a block of wood. *faintz* Luckily, my friend had a spare tee in his car. So I stayed on till the match ended. Argentina should have so won. *sadz*

I did a crazy, silly thing on sat again. I still cannot believe myself for making my way down to Bugis, just to catch the superband constestants, live. haha. Till now, I'm still laughing at myself in disbelief. I had actually asked my cousin along, but by the time she got to Bugis, the event had ended, while I had rushed off to somewhere else. The night was spent at a friend's house watching the World Cup till 5am the next morn. *lol* I've never stayed up through the night for soccer before. Its just cause the World Cup only happens once in 4 yrs. Kinda disappointed with the results too.

So after staying up through the night, I slept for the most part of Sunday. But not well-rested despite the 8 hrs of sleep I had. Half the time, I was disturbed by my nephew - his cries, pulling of my hair, hitting me etc etc...

It was off to the chalet for my cousin's 21st bdae! Reminded me of my own 21st bdae, which was so long ago. Feel old... Seems like ever since the 21st bdae, I've never bothered to keep track of how old I am. It was a nice gathering session. Can't help but be proud of the fact that we're so close to one another, even though we're just cousins. Don't think many people are actually this close to their cousins. A 3 week trip in europe last yr, upcoming hk trip in 3 days time, and more trips to come... Of course, not forgetting all the crazy things that we do together.

Sis-in-law, Elaine and me, had a great chat again. Feel so lucky to have such a wonderful sis-in-law and a future sis-in-law to be. But of course, my brothers are still the most blessed ones, to have them as their other halfs!

After an activity-filled weekend, am now struggling to finish my pile of work. No progress watsover. Keeping fingers crossed that I would have the time to do them over the next 3 days so that I can leave for my holiday with peace of mind.

Nitez for now =)

3 in 2 days

3 colleagues left for Aussie in the span of 2 days. They won't be back till 2 years later. I didn't make it to send anyone of them. So unlike me. I used to send friends off, even if their flights were at the weirdest times ever. I'm beginning to dislike the 'goodbye' scene. The sadness overwhelms me now more than ever. Not sure why though. Maybe, just maybe, I've been toying with the fact of leaving SG for the longest time ever myself, I've played the scene over and over my head countless times and have never gotten over having to bid goodbye to family and friends. I don't want to be crying at the airport... but I wish them all the best. There're 2 more leaving within the next 2 weeks...

Luckily, there're not only sending-offs, just had a nice get-together with some of my sec 4 classmates. 8 of us turned up, each representing a different clique (yea, my sec 4 class is made up of inter-linked cliques). The mix was pretty good, we could still find out about how those who didn't turn up were doing. Time flies... we graduated 8 years back. Most of us are now working, all pretty decent jobs, save for a couple of guys who're doing a 4-year course. Like what one of them said, "See, DHS is a good school. It has nurtured all of us well." Its the 50th anniversary this year and there'll be dinner held. It would be interesting to attend it, just to see the class of 98. The person/people who started the class of 98 in friendster, kudos to u. Its the one place I turn to, to check out how aquaintances of yesteryears have changed and know what's going on for them right now.

This is life - people come and leave. What's important is to enjoy the time spent with them and make the effort to keep in touch when apart.

Crazy crazy

Don't know what got into me, but last week, I just felt really tired. Tired in every sense of the word. I felt as though I was under alot of stress. But I just can't pinpoint where the stress is coming from since my exams were long over. Perhaps, the supposed impending job change and the uncertainty that it brings along is too much for me to bear. I felt so down that I actually took a day off work, just to stay home and find some time for myself.

My friend said I had lost motivation in everything of late. I won't disagree with her. Perhaps its because there's nothing to look forward to, no goals or watsoever. Life is simply passing me by on a day-by-day basis. She also said that I've been trying to pack too much things into my life, from CFA, Jap lessons, weekly blading sessions, and all the impromptu gatherings and stuff. I'm just trying to achieve work-life balance, albeit I agree, its at the expense of my sleep and rest time. I don't want my life to just revolve around work and the only way to do it is to sleep less. Erm, not exactly a very wise choice, but does anyone have any better solutions to that?

I really fell sick over the weekend. Despite being down with flu, cause I still felt up to it, I went ahead to blade on Sat evening. Many must be thinking that I'm crazy. A little maybe. *lol* But more crazy things ensue...

Friday evening was spent at Plaza Sing with SM. I think she must have been damn bored. I dragged her there for this 933 event, just to catch the superband contestants. Actually, I thought they were going to perform. I really want to hear them live, to hear for myself how good these local bands are. I've always love music, especially bands.. sighz, why am I not musically inclined? However, they didn't perform. Nonetheless, we were rewarded with performances by other artistes. Sunday was a long one for me. Had gone for classes early in the morning. Then, met up with my cousin who's back for her summer hols. At her request, we went to Century Square to catch JJ. I was really crazy to go with her given that I was really sick. The long period of standing almost made me faint on the spot!! Hadn't done these crazy star-chasing stuff in a while already, ever since my cousin left for London I think.

Back-breaking activity

Had another gathering on sat nite, that lasted till sun morn. Went on a nite cycling trip with the rovers. We haven't done such CRAZY things in a long long while already.

Here's the route we took:
We started off from Marine Parade, made our way down to Esplanade via National Stadium and had supper at Glutton Square. From there, we went on down to Labrador Park where we took a break. Our next destination was Orchard. We took the route down Alexandra Road to Tanglin Road. We then carried on to Geylang, where we finally stopped for our breakfast at around 4 plus in the morn. After that, we cycled to East Coast and stoned at Mac's waiting for 7am so that we could return the bikes.

The worse leg of the trip was from Labrador Park to Orchard. It was basically uphill all the way. My knees were definitely screamin out at me!! At one point, zhu realli couldn't take it anymore and pushed her bike up instead. I'm surprised at myself for being able to cycle all the way up! All those weekly rollerblading sessions must have helped in some way. Our butts also hurt like crazy!

When we were got back to ecp, it was such a relieve. Finally ended the back-breaking activity. It was fun, but the pain that follows..... takes away the fun of it all. I slept the entire day away after coming home. After waking up, I finally know how much it hurts. My thigh muscles feel so strained that I can hardly walk. I think I need an mc tomorrow. Growin old... cannot engage in such physically demanding activities already. *lol*

Almost 10 years

It all began 11 years back when this group of gals first got to know one another. Through the acitivities they engaged in, they grew closer by the day. However, their friendship stopped short after graduation.

One day, a couple of them met up again, by chance, at a not so happy occassion - the funeral of a common friend, 2 years their junior. It struck them hard that this shouldn't be happening. They shouldn't be meeting each other only at a funeral. This sparked the 1st gathering 8 years after graduation.

When I first got the msg about the gathering, I was apprehensive. Its been 8 years since I last spoke to some of them. Will we still have anything to talk about? Will the gathering be filled with awkward silences? Nonetheless, I agreed to go for the gathering readily, because, I really wished to see this group of friends and find out how each and everyone of them is getting on.

I got to the gathering late because I was held up at work. This resulted in another friend of mine not going for the gatherin, because I was her only point of contact. So sad. She's the one whom I really want to meet up with and know how she's gettin on. The turnout wasn't too bad, 9 of us. We were busy exchanging contacts and finding out what everyone is doing at the moment. Of course, we also shared all the latest gossips we know of. I think I have about the lousiest memory among them all. They were mentioning names and incidents that happened back in high school days, while I sat there staring blankly at them all.

A lot of things ran through my head as the gathering wore-on. Lines were visible on the faces of some of them. We're really getting older. A couple of them have grown 'prosperous' too. Most importantly, they all seem contended with their lives and know what they want while I'm nothing close to that. I'm still at a complete loss of what I want out of my life. Things still seem very messy.

It was indeed a wonderful gathering. Will this be the kind of one-off thing again, or will gatherings ensue??

The Celluloid Dream - A.F.I.

Calling tears from deep inside, oh, you're so exquisite
And in the mirror, all midnight eyes
Oh, if I could remain, but it's just a visit
All midnight eyes read "vacancy"
Twisted, twisting

To the lovely dancing lights, I begged, "May I cut in?"
But they never stopped playing "their song"
Of a joyous song they sing, I've heard whispers
On a freezing note, I resonate

Just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end
Just like a memory, it twists me
Just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end
Twist... twisting me

You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
Onto the melting boy, and melt away
You light as gently, you're so cinematic
Bathed in your radiance, I melt

In the glitter, in the dark, sunk into velvet
Praying this will never end
In the shadow of a star, in static pallor
I realized I never began

Just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end
Just like a memory, it twists me
Just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end
Twist... twisting me

You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
Onto the melting boy, and melt away
You light as gently, you're so cinematic
Bathed in your radiance, I melt

All the colours upon leaving, all will turn to grey
All the colours upon leaving, all will turn to grey
(All grey) All the colours (All grey) upon leaving
(All grey) all will turn to grey
(All grey) All the colours (All grey) upon leaving
(All grey) all will turn to grey... grey...

You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
Onto the melting boy, and melt away
You light as gently, you're so cinematic
Bathed in your radiance

You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
You land as lightly as the new snow, and melt away
You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
Bathed in your radiance, I melt

Love... time...

Love.. a word that brings about both joy and sorrows with equal ease...

Love is unconditonal

Love is about sharing weal and woe with one another

Love is about being there for the person you love, regardless

Love is about protecting the other person

Love is acceptin the person for who he/she is

Love is non-reciprocal

Love is... ...

Itz easy to fall in love, but difficult to maintain love...

When love fails, time comes to play...

Time, the only cure for all wounds... and scars...

Of course time has to be supplemented with frenz and a new love for wounds to heal and scars to disappear.

Life's Ironies

Sometime ago, PS penned a really melancholic entry on her blog. It brought back lots of memories, especially those back in sec schools. I actually went to dig out this little book of mine that contained the lyrics to the chinese pop of yesteryear. I'm feeling melancholic again tonight, after a dinner with my peer group.

2 of my peers are leaving for OZ come end June. They'll be gone for 2 years, doing the CA program over there. Our mentor is leaving for London to further his career too. I was surprised at my own action of organising this dinner gathering. But I really feel a lost at them leaving. I'm so going to miss them all. My mentor had lent a good listening ear and also provided me with sound advice all this while. One of my peers, I already knew her back in college. She never fails to crack us up with her 欠便问答题. Her wit and humor... there's no one else like her. As the night wore on, I felt a tinge of sadness. The camaraderie that we share, I don't know if I can find that anywhere else. There is no other job around where you have a large cohort of colleagues who're your age and fellow frens from college. The kind of comfortable feeling one gets in this kind of environment is just great. I know this is going to be the greatest thing I miss should I choose to leave.

Why do I have a choice to leave? I had just gone for another interview earlier on in the morn, a really long one. In the evening, I was contacted and verbally offered the position. I was shocked! I hadn't expected that I would be hearing from them, let alone hear from them on the same day! I was hoping they would only get back to me sometime next week, which leaves me some time to think through what my interviewer had told me. But they're really efficient. The pace of events for the day has simply been too fast for me. I finally got the chance to try something that I would really like to try. But I'm afraid - fear of the unknown. I'm afraid of office politics, I'm afraid that at the end of the day, it’s not the job I'm looking for, I'm afraid that I can't measure up in the organization and most importantly, the fear of failing and not knowing what next. I’m worrying too much, giving myself unnecessary stress even before I start. But its perhaps I’ve always set very high yet unachievable goals for myself.

It’s a do or die thing out there. Nowhere else can offer me as sheltered a career path (for at least the 1st 5 yrs) as the firm I am with right now. Then why choose to leave, one might ask. I want to try out something which I have an interest in. But I don’t know if it’s really what I want to do and the only way to find out is to try. Of course, another part of me is telling myself to stay put, not take up this opportunity. This 2nd option would allow me to lead a stable and comfortable life from here on. But I guess being young, the urge to trudge forward, to yearn to be successful, to want to try out new things is very great. As it is, since I’m young, without the burden and responsibility towards my family, I can afford to choose the 1st option. I don’t have that much to loose at the end of the day and the opportunity costs is still minimal at this point in time.

I find that life always brings about loads of ironies. Or is it just me? When I couldn’t find a job for a long while, I was completely demoralized. It didn’t help that I was getting increasingly tired at my current employment. Then, this opportunity came along. Part of the job scope, analysis, is what I would like to do, while another part of it, PR, is something which I am most afraid of. Also, the remuneration is a little below expected. I’m not particular concerned with the pay at the moment but it would matter a lot in time to come. By right, I should just jump upon this opportunity without any hesitation, but I did the complete opposite. I wonder why I’m always like this. When I don’t get something, I fret, when I get something, I fret as well. I ended up being a ‘pest’ yet again, trying hard to find people to squeeze in a little time just to give me some advice. Its always difficult to move out of one's comfort zone I guess. Despite wanting very much to try something which I think I would like, the comfort I get staying status quo is very precious to me too. I'll really really miss it.