Tis is 4 ya , Star*lite

Whatever u've gone thru, and is going thru right now, ain't something that anyone can truly understand unless they're in your shoes. But looking at the way u view life saddens me, and all I would like to do is give u some form of encouragement.. life ain't really as bad as the way you look at it...

Darkness is what u choose to see ahead. Its a lot easier to see the darkness then to look beyond it for the light that lies at the end of the tunnel. It takes alot more courage and determination to look past that darkness. I managed to pull through my darkest times, but just today, I realised how easy it is to give in, and fall right into the abyss once more. The energy put in to fight against tis is enough to drain you out completely. Many people might comment that they ain't surprised that I got myself out of the mess. But frankly, I ain't as confident, independent and courageous a person as all of you think me to be. I guess I have to be the one who wears the most layers of masks. I am but just someone who would love to find some corner and hide from the rest of the world. However, with the support of those around me who still love me for who I am, and stick by me no matter what just to help get me out, you'll not want to disappoint them, you'll feel that this world is still filled with warmth and love. Just want to remind you that, there're alot of people ard you, willing to extend their helping hands to u. Its ur choice whether or not u want to accept their help.

Life itself is a journey, coupled with never ending lessons. All things happen for a reason. Things didn't happen just to make you feel all miserable. Why not look upon it as a lesson that will strengthen you as a person. There're also many more lessons you can learn from the episode, and only you yourself can take that step further and 'read' what this incident has taught you. In this way, then can you slowly let go of all the unhappiness in you because you've managed to look beyond them as just pure sad episodes.

Instead of looking for something which no longer can be found, why not work on what you have with you as of now, and build that happiness from here on? To be forward-looking, you cannot keep looking back at the past and sit there wondering why can't things be just like before? The past will never change, but the future is for you to shape, still. The happiness that you seek is still there, waiting for you to leave behind your past and take a step forward. You can just start with baby steps, but most importantly is for you to believe that the happiness is there, within reach.

Everyone of us has our own inadequacies. No perfect person exists except in the fantasy world. You can identify ur inadequacies, which means that you can work on improving on them! Its much better than some who don't even know what they are terrible at. Engage only in activities that interest you, and not try to use activities to take your mind off things. It helps for a while, after which, you'll only feel completely burnt-out, which would lead to you feeling even more terrible and upset with yourself. That simply defeats the purpose.

You can hide, in fact, I strongly encourage you to hide. Hiding is part and parcel of the healing process. But you have to step out of this 'hole' of yours one day and reconcile urself back to reality when the time calls for it.

Remember that there are lots of people ard u who care, so takkaire gal... really would like to see you smiling from within in the near future =)

JumpIN!!

Had always wanted to post, but told myself not to because I tend to spend quite a while writing each post, and I could better use the time to study. But finally, finally, finally, I cleared the paper!!! Which explains why I can be sittin here typin tis. =D Still don't understand how I managed to pass, since I kinda guessed my way through the paper. But I don't care and won't bother, since this was the 3rd time I sat for the paper already. The only thing I know is that I was grinnin from ear to ear when I saw the word 'PASSED' plastered on the screen. The only thing that I cannot do was jump for joy in the exam room. LOL. I jus couldn't contain my happiness. I'm still on cloud 9 atm. I've spent countless weekends cramping for the paper. Now I see the rainbow after the rain. Jus in time since the next couple of weekends are already filled with activities =)

There's a lot that I wanna blog about!! Tink shall start way back from 3rd Sep, night of President Star Charity Show. Courtesy of someone I just got to know, I managed to get tickets to watch the show live at the studio, plus join in the reception after. Main motive of goin for it was so that I could catch the winners of the Superband competition, MLB, live. I got more than what I bargained for. The performances for the night were mainly dance related and I really enjoyed them. During the reception, all the artistes were mingling around as well, so had fun snappin pics. Jonathan of SI II fame isn't as tall as he seem on TV, Belinda Lee is realli pretty, Tay Ping Hui realli suave and there's Benedict Goh, who didn't looked like he aged at all. After that, I actually went for supper with MLB and frens!! LOL. No one, myself included, would have expected that I could be so crazy about them. But after the supper, I just told myself, they are but ordinary folks like u and me, no need to be so crazy. Heh. Fact was, I needed food as well.

Failed the exam the first time rd on the 5th. Didn't feel anything since I only had myself to blame for not puttin in the effort to study. Thought I could study better at my brother's place, but ended up wasting my weekend away instead of studying. After the 1st trial, realised that its realli a difficult paper, so I started muggin for it. Decided to take it again on the 14th, when I was more prepared. Damn! Didn't make it again, jus by that mere 1/2 questions!! But all that's history now..

Started my 1st dance class in my entire life last mon. Its gal style hip-hop... more feminine and less strenous than the normal hip-hop I think. Hmmz.. but I feel like a block of wood... lost all my flexibility (I used to ace my sit-and-reach, nw I can't even bend for nutz), and ya.. can't get to the beat of the song. I noe more practice is required, on top of the 1 hr weekly classes... will try to do that...

My Japanese needs some (rather A LOT) of brushing up as well. Frankly, from lesson 20-27, I've not revised AT ALL. When the sensei asks me a question, I can only stare back blankly. *shy* Doesn't matter, now with the exam out of the way, I'll be spendin more time to catch up on Jap!! Just hope it ain't too late. Its JLPT 4 at the end of the year. Though I've already registered, but I'll sit for it only if I feel prepared.

Time for dreamlandzzzz =)

oh no! old at heart!

2 ppl I recently got to noe online commented that I always sound very serious for my age...

today, my supervisor told me that he's surprised of my level of maturity given my age... no tinge of childishness...

erm... so in other words I'm acting too old for my age... =x

Where is my youthfulness?? Lol.

work-life 'IN'-balance

I feel burnt-out... it has only been a month from the 2 weeks break I took...

I would love to have work-life balance. However, in working towards achieving that, I have been sacrificing my rest and sleep time, to the extent that I know my body can't hold out much longer. I'm feeling extremely extremely tired, concentration span is short and absorbtion level low.

Right now, there's so much that I want to do!! Of course, the main thing is working at making my way up the corporate ladder (I've just only taken the 1st baby step out). This requires me to study, and man, its a TORTURE to work and study at the same time when a typical work day lasts 12 hours. Then comes my interests of dance, music, and Japanese, followed by my search for God. Not forgetting the need to spend time with family and friends.

Mon, Thurs and Sat are set aside for classes. Fri evenings for family and friends (which is soooo insufficient). That leaves me with Tues and Wed to put in longer hours at work to make up for the other days and Sun for studying. Where is my rest day???

For my interests in dance, music and Jap, if I don't pick them up now, I know I'll never do it later on in life. I don't want to come to a day where I look back and regret not having pursued the things which I would like to. I only have myself to blame for having such varied interests. If I only had 1 sole interest, then life would be so much easier. lol.

I actually tell myself to hang in there for 3 yrs because I've planned my escape route 3 years down. lol. That is when I'll quit and go back to full time studying. Not that I enjoy studying (flunked 2 exams tis yr already!!), but it'll allow me to lead a slower-paced life for 2 years. I am fortunate to have this option because of a supportive brother (but will have to exhibit more persuasion skills on my mum) and this is perhaps the only thought that is keeping me going right now. And in search of the slower-pace of life, I am actually looking to study in Australia (oso because its more affordable) instead of the US.

Work-life balance - why is it so unachievable?

Off to dreamlandzzzz...