All tangled

When you've tried long and hard to achieve all those stuff that forever remain elusive to you, it's apparent why you start losing faith in everything and end up beating yourself up over what a failure you are.

Feeling somewhat like that right now. Nothing seems to be going right in my life. Then again, I don't really seem to have an idea what is the RIGHT direction anyway. Its always easy to dish out advice to others when they're feeling down, but when it comes to yourself, those advice can never be turned into solutions. Weekly horoscope tells me that as much as I love helping others solve their problems, I should think about my own and that I certainly deserve better. Perhaps a little too nosey at times, poking my nose into everybody else's problems. But then again, it might just be that I am escaping from having to look at my own problems.

Looking back, there are several things I did/didn't do that has left me in great regret today. But who doesn't have regrets? I thought that if I recognized those things I did wrong/didn't do in the past, and did something about them today, I'll still be able to turn things round. But I've got to be the world's greatest fool to think in this manner. Nothing done today can actually make up for what was not done yesterday. Opportunities missed will never return. Decisions made can never be retracted. So I tell myself, "accept the fact of things and stop being the fool you are!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I miss the camaraderie back in Price, terribly terribly miss. Everybody works hard and late together. Everyone helps one another, the coaching culture is strong. More importantly, you forge strong and true friendships. I'm thankful I got to meet this group of friends. The camaraderie is a very strong plus point in pulling me back, especially so when the reason I left in the first place seems less and less attainable.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Life's meant to be filled with obstacles. But what does the Lord see in me that I can handle all these obstacles one after another?? Each time I thought I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm thrown into another mess. Its mentally draining more than anything else.

When can I REALLY see the end of the tunnel??

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

On several people's recommendation, I went to the library and picked up this book. It was engaging enough that I never book-hopped.

The book talks about very simple things, things we all know about but somehow eludes us nonetheless.. it talks about how everyone has a dream and destiny of their own. But during the course of searching for the dream, the obstacle-filled route often cause the individual to give up in despair or lose sight of their dream. It also talks about how one should follow the heart and not overrule the heart...

I really like the book. Certain paras make you stop and ponder over your own life. Nothing written in the book is new. But yet, it talks about things both you and I know very well, but has never been able to achieve them. It also describes how everything that happens around us is a sign. But it takes alot to be able to read those signs and interpret them.

Would recommend those who have never read the book to pick it up. However, wanted to highlight that the book incorporates some elements of religion in it. So, if you're really so adverse towards that, then you wouldn't want to read it. Really inspirational.

FOLLOW YOUR HEART FOR IT KNOWS BEST!!

Patience

I had been frustrated of late, when things didn't turn out the way I want them to.. in all aspects of my life. I began questioning God, asking if He truly existed.

After the RCIA session last week, I began asking myself a lot of questions, questions which I had no answers at all. Why Catholicism of all denominations? Will I be ready to get baptized at the end of the 15 mths? Can I live with the fact that I will be the only in my family of a different faith? Would I end up being 'stranded' from my family? What got me started on this journey? I don't seem to recall what the miracles were... Will I have the perseverance to commit myself through the 15 mths? Questions, questions and more questions!!!! I felt that my head was about to explode anytime with the onslaught of questions. Lucky, Uncle Tim gave me some advice. In essence, it is "P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E". Just take a step at a time and rest assured that He will be there to take me through. I ought not to overburden nor over-worry at these early stages..

There're other things that were getting me really irritated and kicking myself over why there's jus no progress on those fronts. I've been very jumpy this entire week. Really bad mood. Just wanna apologize to whoever got the brunt from me this week. (I can't really apologize to them one by one since some of them were perhaps just strangers).

At the RCIA session earlier on, for the closing prayer, I was asked to read the Prayer for Guidance. When I read it, I was pretty taken aback. It was too apt for whatever I was going through right now. It just seems as though God was talking to me, telling me that He is always there, that I have to stop being so impatient for there will come a day when things will turn out the way they should be. Tears welled up in my eyes.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before the RCIA session, I had attended this Confirmation Mass for teens. The moment I stepped into Church, I could feel the joy that filled the place. Parents, Godparents, friends, Catechists... All of them were there to celebrate the joyous occasion where some 134 teens were confirming their faith. Presents galore.. flowers, teddy bears etc...

I felt all alone in a place filled with warmth. It got me thinking about the day when I might get baptized. For one, I believe the 3 frens whom I attend Church with will not leave me in the lurch on my baptism day. But who I really want to see is my entire family and that one special fren. I even conjured up that scene in my head. Will that happen? I have about another 12 mths to work on that. I have never brought it up to my parents that I am going through this Journey that will lead to me getting baptized (if I choose to do so) come next Easter.

I know worrying will get me nowhere.. actions speak louder than words.. I should sit my parents down some time soon..

Changes

Overheard mum's conversation over the phone. *SHOCKED*!

Mum has quit her job. Her last day is 7 May. She couldn't stand the politics at her workplace.. so she quit.. lookin for a new job..

Feel really lousy that I still don't make enough for my parents to retire.. =\

Trip's end

Been back for a week.. finally sorted and got my photos uploaded online.. here's the link if u're interested..

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2093510534&code=27460039&mode=invite&DCMP=isc-email-AlbumInvite

Just to summarise things..

Loves
1. the beach and boats of riviera
2. the beauty and history of provence
3. the snow-capped alps and 1st skiing experience
4. belgium chocolates
5. colorful tulips of amsterdam

Hates
1. dodgy marseille and being followed
2. limited train and bus services
3. language barrier
4. indeterminable delay of train service
5. sudden cancellation of train service

time always fly when u least want it to. much as i didnt wan the trip to end, i oso wanted to be back in sg..

I'm so excited for Kerk

Just got news earlier on that Kerk's been selected for the JET program!!! He'll be headed for Japan, don't know when, don't know where.. but heck it. It's NihonLand!! Ahhhh!!! I'm so envious!! But that's not the route I would want to take at this moment...

He attributed part of his success to me, who kindly helped him edit the application essay. So, I get a free treat! He said I could choose anything I want, even if its expensive, its worth it. LoL. Looking forward to a really nice treat when he returns from Chicago in 2 days.

I can start planning my Japan trip already! I'll have a free guide who speaks Japanese.. =p

I somehow feel that I'm more excited then him. LoL.

Yoz Kerk, now you're one step closer to finding a Japanese gal!! Heehee.. Gambarimasu yo!!

Congratulations once again!! You made it pal!!

Out goes sucky work, out goes irritating boss!!

"Home" in London - Part 2

CHAMONIX


After we left Provence, it was an 8-hr train ride to Chamonix-Mont Blanc. I love this place with the snow-capped mountains!! Its cold here, but not the windy kinda cold, but the icy kind.. much prefer it over the winds.. YF wanted to take this world's highest cable car, up 3,842m, where one can then see the French, Swiss and Italian Alps and so we went. We were the only 2 who looked completely out of place because everyone else were all geared up for skiing except us. The information at the base station says its -12 degrees up there... hmm... It was such a magnificent sight up there!! From the swiss alps, italian alps to the french alps.. all covered snow-covered with the tip of the peaks jutting above the clouds. The glorious sunshine and falling snow... Was I in heaven? LoL. We would have liked to stay longer if we weren't freezing, especially the feet and the hands. Moreover at the altitude, even the mere climbing of a couple of flight of stairs left us panting like crazy.

BRUSSELS


Parted ways with my cousin at Lyon. She flew back to London while I went on my way to Brussels. Was supposed to only wait an hour before my train departs, but the most wonderful thing happened. My train was delayed! I was trying to find out what happened, but the staff didn't speak English. Train was to be delayed for an indeterminable time. Oh great! I waited and waited. Luckily, there's a kind samaritan who speaks English and told me that he's catching the same train and will let me know when there's any news (all announcements at the station's in French as well). After 2.5 hrs, the train finally arrived at the station. There had been some rail accident, hence the delay. Still can't believe how unlucky I can get.

Yet another day spent on the train when it finally pulled into Brussels at 1130pm. I don't have a map on me and the tourist office is closed. I asked for directions but was told to take a cab instead at that hour for my own safety. I ventured to the metro station, but when I saw the people there, gave me the creeps, I turned back and paid for the cab to my hostel.

Haven't been able to find a single-sex dorm and since it was only for a night, I booked myself in a mixed dorm. I so startled the guy who was sleeping in there when I went into the room. LoL. He was probably shocked at seeing a gal walk into the room? A fellow asian whom I later met up with again in Amsterdam.

I only spent half a day sightseeing in Brussels and buying chocolates. However, granted that I still had 3 days in Amsterdam, I didn't wanna lug too many boxes of chocs around, I bought quite little. =\

My unlucky streak with the train continues. There're trains that leave hourly for Amsterdam from Brussels and its a 3hr journey. I had just bought the ticket in time to catch the 239pm train. Just before the train was due at the station, the screen showed that the train's been cancelled!! Arrghh!! I found out about it because of the commotion going on. No announcements made (at least not in a language I understood). Found out from some others that the train was jus cancelled, no reason given. Gotta wait another hour for the next one... 2 Japanese ladies came up to me thinking I was Jap, asking me about the train. I explained using my broken Japanese. Then I spent the next hour at the station, chatting with them. I'm so lousy. I've practically forgotten whatever I had learnt. Such a let-down to my senseis. The older lady kept telling me to be very careful in Amsterdam because they were there 2 weeks ago and got pick-pocketed. Also, she said that I've got to be extra careful because I look like a Japanese who are the typical targets since Japanese are thought to be rich. I like lookin like a Japanese, but never thought it would be a bane. But they sure managed to convince me about how unsafe and scary Amsterdam is.

AMSTERDAM

The moment I got out of the train station, I felt overwhelmed! It was so crowded!! Since it was already past 7pm, I quickly headed in search for my hostel which purportedly was right next to the red-light district. There were 2 Sri-Lankans with me because this couple had headed to Amsterdam without bookin their lodgin and given that it was a Saturday, it was near to impossible to find a reasonably priced hotel room, and they wanted to try their luck at the hostel I was staying at.

There were many Malaysians stayin in the same room as me. They all studied in UK. But strangely, I ended up finding company with 2 gals from Taiwan instead of the Malaysians, though there were 2 of them who were very nice as well. Very good practice session for my Mandarin, which has turned very rusty.

In a day, I managed to cover the museums I wanted to visit and also walked around the central area of the city. To this I thought, I'm going to be really bored over the next 2 days! I was initially afraid to venture into the red light district on my own, much less after dark. But got some disappointing news that made dampened my moods drastically and usually, I become very bold when I'm in a bad mood. Headed out of hostel and sat down at some random street side bar for a drink on my own. Then I walked into the red light district. To my dismay, it wasn't interesting at all. Just prostitutes standing behind the 'windows' waiting for business. The street was jam-packed with tourists. Really nothing so dangerous about it. And with all those scantily-clad women to look at, no one would come bother you at all. Of course, I didn't head into the dark alleys. Perhaps it was a different story in there, I ain't sure. Not daring to that extent.

The next morning, I visited all the markets in the city and burnt a huge hole in my pockets. Had to drag myself away from the markets because I was running dangerously low on euros. Its a blessing the markets don't accept credit cards. LoL.

Spent the afternoon at the Keukernhof Gardens, about an hour from Amsterdam. I love this place!! Just breathing in the fresh air makes you feel so good! Not forgetting the breathtaking sight of the colorful flowers! It was a pity I only found out about being able to bike out to the various fields instead of staying put in the park at the end of the day. Its a really nice place to sit back and relax with a cuppa, especially with the splendid weather.

I also paid a visit to the windmills the next morning. But the skies were overcast and it was cold. Nonetheless, the little town I went to was pretty and filled with tourists. Its good to travel in spring when the flowers bloom. Makes everywhere a pretty sight.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After being alone for 4 nights, its time to return to the comforts of my cousin's apartment in London. These 5 days have been interesting, mainly contributed by the different people I met and spoke to along the way.

There's so much to see, learn and experience from every trip. These new experiences also makes you ponder long and hard over certain issues and look at things from a different light.

Going to fly back to Singapore in a couple of hours. Though I hate for my trip to end, but I really, really miss the people back home.

"Home" in London - Part 1

Wow, time flies when you least want it to... Has it really been 15 days since I left Singapore?? Awww.. only 3 more days and I need to return to reality.. meh =\ The last blog was not left blank intentionally.. it was due to the lousy computer/internet which didn't allow me to type anything.. I <3 europe's internet! First-world country indeed!! (punt intended if you didn't understand)

It has been a really interesting trip thus far.. as we travelled along.. every region is so so different.. the experience and adventures were so varied!! Let me start from the very beginning...

THE JOURNEY
It took me a gruelling 24hrs before I finally met up with my cousin.. I didn't know how long the journey was going to take till I reached Nice, France, where my cousin was waiting for me. Flew KLM this time round... they serve very little food.. and food which I can't make out what it is.. had to transit at Amsterdam airport.. and sat there waiting with dreary eyes since my flight got in at 430am in the morn. Upon reaching Lyon, transferred to a train to get myself to Nice, but that's after I endured the cold for about 2 hrs at the station. Not a word of English. Everything's in french and I had to decipher what the remarks meant for my train.. Tried asking around.. but they don't speak ENGLISH!!! Arrghh.. stop being so proud! I believed I asked this policeman, he didn't speak English, couldn't help me and happily just walked away.. DUH!

FRENCH RIVIERA
We stayed 3 nights in Nice, French Riviera region. The B&B we stayed in was comfy and near the train station. Visited the usual sights in the region, Monte Carlo and Cannes and also the less heard of St-Paul-de-Vence (a tiny medieval town perched on a hill) and Grasse (a perfume town). This region is purely for R&R. Nice, Monte-Carlo and Cannes are all coastal areas, so just stroll along the beach and enjoy the uber cold sea gusts. There're countless boats in the Riviera region and in Monte-Carlo, the bulk of the cars on the streets are Bentleys, Merz SLKs, Ferraris... makes you feel like a pauper.. LoL.. I don't need to own a boat, but I really wanted to hop on one of those and make my way out to sea.. I miss being out at sea.. These places are also filled with endless streets of boutiques.. Shops don't open on Sundays though..

From Nice, we went on to Marseille and stayed for a night. Wrong choice. There's nothing much to see and we found the place shady. Paid for a 3* hotel that was worse than our B&B and our 1* hotel in the coming days. Even got followed by some crappy person..

PROVENCE
So happy to be leaving Marseille. Next stop Avignon in the Provence region where we stayed for 2 nights. The Provence region is rich in history having been through the religious war in the 16th century. Everything here dates back that long ago. Its a very lovely place and we ain't sure what event there was there, but everyone was at the Palais des Papes, eagarly waiting for someone's arrival.. We saw many groups of students as well, who're there on field trips since its their spring break.

Trying to get to the different towns in this region is a nightmare with the infrequent trains and bus and people who speak only french. Some places just cannot be reached by public transportation though.

We wanted to go to Arles, the town where Van Gogh stayed in for a period of time and where he painted the 'nuit etoile' as well. Got to the train station there, but waited for 1/2 an hour for the bus. I almost gave up and wanted to return to Avignon but the next bus back was in an hour's time. We didn't have much time in the town because we had to catch the next train, in order to make it to Aix-en-Provence. The transport costs a bomb! I felt to restricted by the train and bus timings that I wanted to rent a car to get around. But with the not so friendly road signs, I changed my mind. Save for the transport problems, Provence a really pretty place.

Was so glad we decided to take a day trip. We went to this town Orange ("or-hange) to marvel at the best preserved Roman theatre in Europe. I think that people in the pass were genius. How do you ever build anything that huge and grand without any modern day machinery? Just like the Great Wall of China..

Thereafter, we went wine-tasting. In France, the wines are labelled by the region thery're from and not identified by their grapes. Hence, we visited Chatenaeuf du Papes (means new castle of the pope) the famous wine region in France. How it got its name was when the Pope first arrived in Avignon, he was looking for a quiet place to build something like a 'summer home' and that was where the castle was built. There was an American couple with us this time round. We were all very perplexed by the stony vineyards and found out that the stones were meant to reflect sunlight in summer and keep the ground cool. All grapes in the region (or throughout France?) had to be hand-picked. This is a law. And so the wines all bear a A.O.C. chop on the bottle. Wines in this region are made from a mixture of 2-13 different types of grapes. Red wine can contain white grapes as well. I didn't know wine barrels are so expensive! 35,000-45,000 euros!!! 95% of the wine produced in this region is red, with the remaining 5% white. Due to the small quantity of white wine produced, they're never exported. As for the red, its mainly exported to UK and America, but the prices are exorbitant. Funny thing is, different barrels are used to store the grapes used for wines sold in the Europe and those in the US because of different taste preference. For the US, the barrels are a lot less costly. The most famous grape in the region is the Grenache (?) We tasted the 2004 and 2001 reds. The 2001 is good! I really like it! Its really smooth!! The American couple also loved the 2001. Its such a pity that because of the ban of liquids on board, none of us bought any.. [PS, I so wanted to buy a bottle for you! The one you can get in US will taste different from the one in France. Sigh.. no baggage space for that bottle. Will see if I can find it in London and whether its still reasonably priced]

Provence is also famous for its lavender. Apparently, real lavender (with only one flower) can only be found on the hills in provence. Those that you see along the roads or elsewhere in other countries are called lavendin (3 flowers) and can only be used to add fragrance to things like detergents.

Learnt alot from the time spent in Provence given that its richer in history.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stay tuned for more..

In Amsterdam.. but mood's been dampened