Patience

I had been frustrated of late, when things didn't turn out the way I want them to.. in all aspects of my life. I began questioning God, asking if He truly existed.

After the RCIA session last week, I began asking myself a lot of questions, questions which I had no answers at all. Why Catholicism of all denominations? Will I be ready to get baptized at the end of the 15 mths? Can I live with the fact that I will be the only in my family of a different faith? Would I end up being 'stranded' from my family? What got me started on this journey? I don't seem to recall what the miracles were... Will I have the perseverance to commit myself through the 15 mths? Questions, questions and more questions!!!! I felt that my head was about to explode anytime with the onslaught of questions. Lucky, Uncle Tim gave me some advice. In essence, it is "P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E". Just take a step at a time and rest assured that He will be there to take me through. I ought not to overburden nor over-worry at these early stages..

There're other things that were getting me really irritated and kicking myself over why there's jus no progress on those fronts. I've been very jumpy this entire week. Really bad mood. Just wanna apologize to whoever got the brunt from me this week. (I can't really apologize to them one by one since some of them were perhaps just strangers).

At the RCIA session earlier on, for the closing prayer, I was asked to read the Prayer for Guidance. When I read it, I was pretty taken aback. It was too apt for whatever I was going through right now. It just seems as though God was talking to me, telling me that He is always there, that I have to stop being so impatient for there will come a day when things will turn out the way they should be. Tears welled up in my eyes.

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Before the RCIA session, I had attended this Confirmation Mass for teens. The moment I stepped into Church, I could feel the joy that filled the place. Parents, Godparents, friends, Catechists... All of them were there to celebrate the joyous occasion where some 134 teens were confirming their faith. Presents galore.. flowers, teddy bears etc...

I felt all alone in a place filled with warmth. It got me thinking about the day when I might get baptized. For one, I believe the 3 frens whom I attend Church with will not leave me in the lurch on my baptism day. But who I really want to see is my entire family and that one special fren. I even conjured up that scene in my head. Will that happen? I have about another 12 mths to work on that. I have never brought it up to my parents that I am going through this Journey that will lead to me getting baptized (if I choose to do so) come next Easter.

I know worrying will get me nowhere.. actions speak louder than words.. I should sit my parents down some time soon..