All tangled

When you've tried long and hard to achieve all those stuff that forever remain elusive to you, it's apparent why you start losing faith in everything and end up beating yourself up over what a failure you are.

Feeling somewhat like that right now. Nothing seems to be going right in my life. Then again, I don't really seem to have an idea what is the RIGHT direction anyway. Its always easy to dish out advice to others when they're feeling down, but when it comes to yourself, those advice can never be turned into solutions. Weekly horoscope tells me that as much as I love helping others solve their problems, I should think about my own and that I certainly deserve better. Perhaps a little too nosey at times, poking my nose into everybody else's problems. But then again, it might just be that I am escaping from having to look at my own problems.

Looking back, there are several things I did/didn't do that has left me in great regret today. But who doesn't have regrets? I thought that if I recognized those things I did wrong/didn't do in the past, and did something about them today, I'll still be able to turn things round. But I've got to be the world's greatest fool to think in this manner. Nothing done today can actually make up for what was not done yesterday. Opportunities missed will never return. Decisions made can never be retracted. So I tell myself, "accept the fact of things and stop being the fool you are!"
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I miss the camaraderie back in Price, terribly terribly miss. Everybody works hard and late together. Everyone helps one another, the coaching culture is strong. More importantly, you forge strong and true friendships. I'm thankful I got to meet this group of friends. The camaraderie is a very strong plus point in pulling me back, especially so when the reason I left in the first place seems less and less attainable.
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Life's meant to be filled with obstacles. But what does the Lord see in me that I can handle all these obstacles one after another?? Each time I thought I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm thrown into another mess. Its mentally draining more than anything else.

When can I REALLY see the end of the tunnel??