3 in 2 days

3 colleagues left for Aussie in the span of 2 days. They won't be back till 2 years later. I didn't make it to send anyone of them. So unlike me. I used to send friends off, even if their flights were at the weirdest times ever. I'm beginning to dislike the 'goodbye' scene. The sadness overwhelms me now more than ever. Not sure why though. Maybe, just maybe, I've been toying with the fact of leaving SG for the longest time ever myself, I've played the scene over and over my head countless times and have never gotten over having to bid goodbye to family and friends. I don't want to be crying at the airport... but I wish them all the best. There're 2 more leaving within the next 2 weeks...

Luckily, there're not only sending-offs, just had a nice get-together with some of my sec 4 classmates. 8 of us turned up, each representing a different clique (yea, my sec 4 class is made up of inter-linked cliques). The mix was pretty good, we could still find out about how those who didn't turn up were doing. Time flies... we graduated 8 years back. Most of us are now working, all pretty decent jobs, save for a couple of guys who're doing a 4-year course. Like what one of them said, "See, DHS is a good school. It has nurtured all of us well." Its the 50th anniversary this year and there'll be dinner held. It would be interesting to attend it, just to see the class of 98. The person/people who started the class of 98 in friendster, kudos to u. Its the one place I turn to, to check out how aquaintances of yesteryears have changed and know what's going on for them right now.

This is life - people come and leave. What's important is to enjoy the time spent with them and make the effort to keep in touch when apart.

Crazy crazy

Don't know what got into me, but last week, I just felt really tired. Tired in every sense of the word. I felt as though I was under alot of stress. But I just can't pinpoint where the stress is coming from since my exams were long over. Perhaps, the supposed impending job change and the uncertainty that it brings along is too much for me to bear. I felt so down that I actually took a day off work, just to stay home and find some time for myself.

My friend said I had lost motivation in everything of late. I won't disagree with her. Perhaps its because there's nothing to look forward to, no goals or watsoever. Life is simply passing me by on a day-by-day basis. She also said that I've been trying to pack too much things into my life, from CFA, Jap lessons, weekly blading sessions, and all the impromptu gatherings and stuff. I'm just trying to achieve work-life balance, albeit I agree, its at the expense of my sleep and rest time. I don't want my life to just revolve around work and the only way to do it is to sleep less. Erm, not exactly a very wise choice, but does anyone have any better solutions to that?

I really fell sick over the weekend. Despite being down with flu, cause I still felt up to it, I went ahead to blade on Sat evening. Many must be thinking that I'm crazy. A little maybe. *lol* But more crazy things ensue...

Friday evening was spent at Plaza Sing with SM. I think she must have been damn bored. I dragged her there for this 933 event, just to catch the superband contestants. Actually, I thought they were going to perform. I really want to hear them live, to hear for myself how good these local bands are. I've always love music, especially bands.. sighz, why am I not musically inclined? However, they didn't perform. Nonetheless, we were rewarded with performances by other artistes. Sunday was a long one for me. Had gone for classes early in the morning. Then, met up with my cousin who's back for her summer hols. At her request, we went to Century Square to catch JJ. I was really crazy to go with her given that I was really sick. The long period of standing almost made me faint on the spot!! Hadn't done these crazy star-chasing stuff in a while already, ever since my cousin left for London I think.

Back-breaking activity

Had another gathering on sat nite, that lasted till sun morn. Went on a nite cycling trip with the rovers. We haven't done such CRAZY things in a long long while already.

Here's the route we took:
We started off from Marine Parade, made our way down to Esplanade via National Stadium and had supper at Glutton Square. From there, we went on down to Labrador Park where we took a break. Our next destination was Orchard. We took the route down Alexandra Road to Tanglin Road. We then carried on to Geylang, where we finally stopped for our breakfast at around 4 plus in the morn. After that, we cycled to East Coast and stoned at Mac's waiting for 7am so that we could return the bikes.

The worse leg of the trip was from Labrador Park to Orchard. It was basically uphill all the way. My knees were definitely screamin out at me!! At one point, zhu realli couldn't take it anymore and pushed her bike up instead. I'm surprised at myself for being able to cycle all the way up! All those weekly rollerblading sessions must have helped in some way. Our butts also hurt like crazy!

When we were got back to ecp, it was such a relieve. Finally ended the back-breaking activity. It was fun, but the pain that follows..... takes away the fun of it all. I slept the entire day away after coming home. After waking up, I finally know how much it hurts. My thigh muscles feel so strained that I can hardly walk. I think I need an mc tomorrow. Growin old... cannot engage in such physically demanding activities already. *lol*

Almost 10 years

It all began 11 years back when this group of gals first got to know one another. Through the acitivities they engaged in, they grew closer by the day. However, their friendship stopped short after graduation.

One day, a couple of them met up again, by chance, at a not so happy occassion - the funeral of a common friend, 2 years their junior. It struck them hard that this shouldn't be happening. They shouldn't be meeting each other only at a funeral. This sparked the 1st gathering 8 years after graduation.

When I first got the msg about the gathering, I was apprehensive. Its been 8 years since I last spoke to some of them. Will we still have anything to talk about? Will the gathering be filled with awkward silences? Nonetheless, I agreed to go for the gathering readily, because, I really wished to see this group of friends and find out how each and everyone of them is getting on.

I got to the gathering late because I was held up at work. This resulted in another friend of mine not going for the gatherin, because I was her only point of contact. So sad. She's the one whom I really want to meet up with and know how she's gettin on. The turnout wasn't too bad, 9 of us. We were busy exchanging contacts and finding out what everyone is doing at the moment. Of course, we also shared all the latest gossips we know of. I think I have about the lousiest memory among them all. They were mentioning names and incidents that happened back in high school days, while I sat there staring blankly at them all.

A lot of things ran through my head as the gathering wore-on. Lines were visible on the faces of some of them. We're really getting older. A couple of them have grown 'prosperous' too. Most importantly, they all seem contended with their lives and know what they want while I'm nothing close to that. I'm still at a complete loss of what I want out of my life. Things still seem very messy.

It was indeed a wonderful gathering. Will this be the kind of one-off thing again, or will gatherings ensue??

The Celluloid Dream - A.F.I.

Calling tears from deep inside, oh, you're so exquisite
And in the mirror, all midnight eyes
Oh, if I could remain, but it's just a visit
All midnight eyes read "vacancy"
Twisted, twisting

To the lovely dancing lights, I begged, "May I cut in?"
But they never stopped playing "their song"
Of a joyous song they sing, I've heard whispers
On a freezing note, I resonate

Just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end
Just like a memory, it twists me
Just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end
Twist... twisting me

You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
Onto the melting boy, and melt away
You light as gently, you're so cinematic
Bathed in your radiance, I melt

In the glitter, in the dark, sunk into velvet
Praying this will never end
In the shadow of a star, in static pallor
I realized I never began

Just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end
Just like a memory, it twists me
Just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end
Twist... twisting me

You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
Onto the melting boy, and melt away
You light as gently, you're so cinematic
Bathed in your radiance, I melt

All the colours upon leaving, all will turn to grey
All the colours upon leaving, all will turn to grey
(All grey) All the colours (All grey) upon leaving
(All grey) all will turn to grey
(All grey) All the colours (All grey) upon leaving
(All grey) all will turn to grey... grey...

You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
Onto the melting boy, and melt away
You light as gently, you're so cinematic
Bathed in your radiance

You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
You land as lightly as the new snow, and melt away
You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
Bathed in your radiance, I melt

Love... time...

Love.. a word that brings about both joy and sorrows with equal ease...

Love is unconditonal

Love is about sharing weal and woe with one another

Love is about being there for the person you love, regardless

Love is about protecting the other person

Love is acceptin the person for who he/she is

Love is non-reciprocal

Love is... ...

Itz easy to fall in love, but difficult to maintain love...

When love fails, time comes to play...

Time, the only cure for all wounds... and scars...

Of course time has to be supplemented with frenz and a new love for wounds to heal and scars to disappear.

Life's Ironies

Sometime ago, PS penned a really melancholic entry on her blog. It brought back lots of memories, especially those back in sec schools. I actually went to dig out this little book of mine that contained the lyrics to the chinese pop of yesteryear. I'm feeling melancholic again tonight, after a dinner with my peer group.

2 of my peers are leaving for OZ come end June. They'll be gone for 2 years, doing the CA program over there. Our mentor is leaving for London to further his career too. I was surprised at my own action of organising this dinner gathering. But I really feel a lost at them leaving. I'm so going to miss them all. My mentor had lent a good listening ear and also provided me with sound advice all this while. One of my peers, I already knew her back in college. She never fails to crack us up with her 欠便问答题. Her wit and humor... there's no one else like her. As the night wore on, I felt a tinge of sadness. The camaraderie that we share, I don't know if I can find that anywhere else. There is no other job around where you have a large cohort of colleagues who're your age and fellow frens from college. The kind of comfortable feeling one gets in this kind of environment is just great. I know this is going to be the greatest thing I miss should I choose to leave.

Why do I have a choice to leave? I had just gone for another interview earlier on in the morn, a really long one. In the evening, I was contacted and verbally offered the position. I was shocked! I hadn't expected that I would be hearing from them, let alone hear from them on the same day! I was hoping they would only get back to me sometime next week, which leaves me some time to think through what my interviewer had told me. But they're really efficient. The pace of events for the day has simply been too fast for me. I finally got the chance to try something that I would really like to try. But I'm afraid - fear of the unknown. I'm afraid of office politics, I'm afraid that at the end of the day, it’s not the job I'm looking for, I'm afraid that I can't measure up in the organization and most importantly, the fear of failing and not knowing what next. I’m worrying too much, giving myself unnecessary stress even before I start. But its perhaps I’ve always set very high yet unachievable goals for myself.

It’s a do or die thing out there. Nowhere else can offer me as sheltered a career path (for at least the 1st 5 yrs) as the firm I am with right now. Then why choose to leave, one might ask. I want to try out something which I have an interest in. But I don’t know if it’s really what I want to do and the only way to find out is to try. Of course, another part of me is telling myself to stay put, not take up this opportunity. This 2nd option would allow me to lead a stable and comfortable life from here on. But I guess being young, the urge to trudge forward, to yearn to be successful, to want to try out new things is very great. As it is, since I’m young, without the burden and responsibility towards my family, I can afford to choose the 1st option. I don’t have that much to loose at the end of the day and the opportunity costs is still minimal at this point in time.

I find that life always brings about loads of ironies. Or is it just me? When I couldn’t find a job for a long while, I was completely demoralized. It didn’t help that I was getting increasingly tired at my current employment. Then, this opportunity came along. Part of the job scope, analysis, is what I would like to do, while another part of it, PR, is something which I am most afraid of. Also, the remuneration is a little below expected. I’m not particular concerned with the pay at the moment but it would matter a lot in time to come. By right, I should just jump upon this opportunity without any hesitation, but I did the complete opposite. I wonder why I’m always like this. When I don’t get something, I fret, when I get something, I fret as well. I ended up being a ‘pest’ yet again, trying hard to find people to squeeze in a little time just to give me some advice. Its always difficult to move out of one's comfort zone I guess. Despite wanting very much to try something which I think I would like, the comfort I get staying status quo is very precious to me too. I'll really really miss it.

'C'ats and 'D'ogs

Its finally over!! Nope, I have yet to find new employment to be able to call it quits at my present firm, but i'm finally over and done with the exam. Bad planning and lack of focus will cause me to fail the paper. Though results will only be out in abt 2 mths, I can gauge my own performance. I don't find the paper tough, because I know I have come across all the stuff somewhere when I was studying. Its just that nothing was committed to memory. Not that I didn't try, but somehow, nothing managed to stay etched in my brains. It's perhaps overloaded with too much of other things - crap. Majority of my answers, be they well thought ones or guessed ones, somehow were 'C's and 'D's. I saw the trend and felt something's wrong somewhere.

I can finally breathe! Looking back, it really was a spur of the moment thing when I registered to sit for the exam this year.
1. I had 0 days of leave for studying. used up all when I went Europe.
2. I never anticipated my workload to be so much worse than last year.
3. I don't think I was mentally able to cope with studying on top of everything else, which is a proven fact already.
But nonetheless, I still enjoyed studying and learning all that interesting stuff. If only I have the opportunity to put them to practical use. That would be just wonderful.

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It was off to 'play' after the exams. Finally went to catch X-men!! It was kinda like an impromptu decision. Was supposed to watch some gig at Esplanade, but during dinner, I suggested x-men instead. The storyline about a cure for mutants is really crap to me and I thought there should've been more characters? Or is my memory failing me? There should have been more X-men.

(caution: spoiler follows)

Why did Wolverine have to kill Jean Grey? Can't she be injected with the cure? That way, she can no longer let her power control her and she remains alive!

Jus some ramblings of my thots. =)