Whatever u've gone thru, and is going thru right now, ain't something that anyone can truly understand unless they're in your shoes. But looking at the way u view life saddens me, and all I would like to do is give u some form of encouragement.. life ain't really as bad as the way you look at it...
Darkness is what u choose to see ahead. Its a lot easier to see the darkness then to look beyond it for the light that lies at the end of the tunnel. It takes alot more courage and determination to look past that darkness. I managed to pull through my darkest times, but just today, I realised how easy it is to give in, and fall right into the abyss once more. The energy put in to fight against tis is enough to drain you out completely. Many people might comment that they ain't surprised that I got myself out of the mess. But frankly, I ain't as confident, independent and courageous a person as all of you think me to be. I guess I have to be the one who wears the most layers of masks. I am but just someone who would love to find some corner and hide from the rest of the world. However, with the support of those around me who still love me for who I am, and stick by me no matter what just to help get me out, you'll not want to disappoint them, you'll feel that this world is still filled with warmth and love. Just want to remind you that, there're alot of people ard you, willing to extend their helping hands to u. Its ur choice whether or not u want to accept their help.
Life itself is a journey, coupled with never ending lessons. All things happen for a reason. Things didn't happen just to make you feel all miserable. Why not look upon it as a lesson that will strengthen you as a person. There're also many more lessons you can learn from the episode, and only you yourself can take that step further and 'read' what this incident has taught you. In this way, then can you slowly let go of all the unhappiness in you because you've managed to look beyond them as just pure sad episodes.
Instead of looking for something which no longer can be found, why not work on what you have with you as of now, and build that happiness from here on? To be forward-looking, you cannot keep looking back at the past and sit there wondering why can't things be just like before? The past will never change, but the future is for you to shape, still. The happiness that you seek is still there, waiting for you to leave behind your past and take a step forward. You can just start with baby steps, but most importantly is for you to believe that the happiness is there, within reach.
Everyone of us has our own inadequacies. No perfect person exists except in the fantasy world. You can identify ur inadequacies, which means that you can work on improving on them! Its much better than some who don't even know what they are terrible at. Engage only in activities that interest you, and not try to use activities to take your mind off things. It helps for a while, after which, you'll only feel completely burnt-out, which would lead to you feeling even more terrible and upset with yourself. That simply defeats the purpose.
You can hide, in fact, I strongly encourage you to hide. Hiding is part and parcel of the healing process. But you have to step out of this 'hole' of yours one day and reconcile urself back to reality when the time calls for it.
Remember that there are lots of people ard u who care, so takkaire gal... really would like to see you smiling from within in the near future =)
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