A very REAL reflection

I can so picture what kind of life I'll lead should I really move out and live on my own..

My life this week, where ppl ard me are all out of town either for leisure or work, will be a very close reflection of what its like should I end up working overseas.

I stay late at work, and don't have the urge to go home. After work, what I want to do is to find some frens and head somewhere, anywhere, jus to chill... i jus dun wan to head straight home after work.. but there's no one to do that with me... frens ard here jus don't have this kinda past time..

I think I'll be a super workaholic if I'm working overseas. With no one at home, I don't have the urge to be home either... I would of course prefer hangin out to working, but I ain't the kind who can hang out alone, so I'll end up working.. its jus like using work to overcome the loneliness... was just lamenting to PS that there's nothing to do in SG in the evenings, but it later became that there's no one for me to be out with rather. We both reckon that its gonna to be real kewl if only we're not living in different continents, cause we'll have each other for company in the evenings.. well, either u come back or i move over.. tho i think the former is much easily achieved compared to the latter.. *heh* my parents shd be really happy to know that they are part of the reason why I wanna be home early everyday..

As it is, frens are amazed by my eating habits.. let me live alone, and u'll be even more amazed.. lol... but no worries, I haven got any eating disorders.. jus that meals will simply be anything I can find at home.. from instant noodles, milk, biscuits, fruits etc...

Its such a chore having to do all the household chores, especially the laundry! Everything in my house is hand-washed to which I always pity the washing machine for not being able to showcase its ability. But then again, it'll take very long before I can accumulate sufficient load to use the washing machine.

But at the end of the day, I still enjoy living alone.. no one to nag at you for living the nite as though its like day, for turning on the tv, computer and radio at the same time.. of course, life's a breeze with parents ard to take care of everything else in the house, but I believe I can do with learning to be independent in this aspect...

2 more days till parents are back from holiday..
18 days till fren's back from work..
21 days till my trip..

How true does it describe me?

Was alittle bored and did one of those numerology tests, that yielded the result below..

"You are a romantic and an optimist at heart, with a great appreciation for life and all of its pleasures and beauty. Your gifts are imagination, inspiration, the ability to dream and to create. Your natural generosity, big-heartedness,and good humor wins you many friends. You have an inner joy and buoyancy which enables you to encourage and bring hope to others. However, some consider you unrealistic and naive, for you are drawn to the bright side of life and avoid the dark or difficult aspects of people and situations as much as possible. You do seem to attract more than your share of the good things in life. Comfort and ease come naturally to you. You are a very social creature and you especially enjoy being with creative, playful, spontaneous people. Theatre, dance, music, and other expressive arts have a strong appeal for you. Your weaknesses may include laziness, lack of discipline, and impracticality."

Pretty accurate I would say. Any comments?

too self-restrained?

I was told that I'm too self-restrained and that shouldn't be the case. I ought to speak up and say whatever I want to say, whatever I have to say. I suppose the statement holds certain truth in it but for this observation to have come from someone whom I don't have much contact with.. I begin to wonder.. Is this such an obvious trait of mine that makes it so easily identifiable??

Then again, I start thinking about the difference between self-control and self-restrain. How do you draw the line between these? I always thot I was jus exhibiting self-control but apparently it doesn't appear to be so to others.

Take for example when I'm out drinking with friends. Does the fact that I don't drink till I'm high/drunk like most other friends do make me a self-restraining individual? Rather the truth is I can't get high. The moment I have more drinks than what I can handle, I get drunk, the kind where I'll puke then sleep. So, I don't go over my limits simply because I've witness the unsightly scene of girls puking all over themselves and their friends having to pick up after them. Of course friends have told me its alright to get drunk once in a while, since everyone's just out to have fun. I know that and I've certainly been drunk before, just not with this grp. Another matter is that alcohol make me feel so much more 'sober' and aware of my own feelings and thoughts after imbibing one too many drinks... you just lose all will to suppress those hidden feelings.. the result is either you end up partyin like someone who's crazy in order to drown those or you just break down crying.. I've done both before, and enjoyed neither.. So in a way, I feel that I am just exhibiting self-control yet on the other hand, suppressing of feelings make tink its self-restraining...

There was an incident lately that caused a misunderstanding between 2 frens. Certain thoughts crossed my mind but I din want to pursue these and get to the bottom of the matter because whatever the truth might be, it isn't something I would want to know. Hence, my decision was not to complicate matters and stay out of the entire episode. However, the someone told me that I'm too self-restrained once again. Both are my friends, I only wished for the misunderstanding to somehow be forgotten over time, than to have the truth throw some unknown surprises at me! I have to take a neutral stance and cannot take sides since both are my friends and rather than jeopardizing my friendship with either one, what I hope to achieve is to help reconcile the 2 of them. By not having an opinion makes me a self-restrained individual?

Perhaps those ain't very good examples. I see myself as self-restrained especially when I'm with my colleagues. I don't talk much because I ain't sure when and what I say is not going to sit well with anyone. Not to say my colleagues are such sensitive people but just that its really different compared to being in my ex-firm. My current environment is probably a much better reflection of what a workplace is like. I haven't learnt the art of communicating the way I should in such an environment, hence I choose to watch and learn and progress slowly. My colleagues can call me quiet for all they like but it beats having them repeat all the stories for decades to come.

Yes, I am self-restrained. There are a lot of things which I don't say simply because of FEAR. Not knowing what will happen after I say certain things, I just simply don't say them or just state the opposite. That's just the silly side of me at work. Sometimes, I think too much of what the outcome might be and not wanting to be faced with a negative result, I keep things to myself. I really ought not to be like this, since you never know the outcome till you've tried. Moreover, life is too short for regrets. What if the outcome is good instead? This is something which I have to do something about... so do tell me when I'm too self-restrained and remind me constantly k!

Its been said that only true friends are frank to you. I've found another true fren =)

Friends... losing them

Lately, I've been feeling that its getting more and more difficult to sustain all my friendships.. I'm not sure who has changed.. issit me or issit them? It doesn't help that there are external factors at play breaking up those strong friendships forged.

We used to be a grp of 4, hanging out together almost every other week.. A misunderstanding caused a strain between 2 and left the other 2 clueless at how to help resolve the tension... I really enjoy the camaraderie amongst us.. and this is the best chill-out grp.. everyone's easy-going.. now friday nites will never be the same again.. i dun have the slightest idea how long it will take for the air to clear up..

Was out with a couple of really close galfrens but i felt displaced.. i wasn't keen in their chat topics and neither were they with mine.. we had earlier arranged a gathering with some others on cny's eve, but one of them decided to change her mind.. followed by another and naturally the 3rd one as well.. when the 1st changed her mind, i was pretty upset and disappointed.. it ain't the first time this has happened.. thereafter whatever I said was filled with sarcasm.. i tried to restrain myself, and only calmed down after a while..

真是我变了吗？有时候真的还蛮讨厌自己的。。

现在心情真得很差很差。。 只想静静的坐着，一面听着音乐、望着夕阳西下，一面喝着酒。。好想好想登上油轮在那无边无际的海洋上漂泊。。

为何心情总是如此低落？又再次起了那想逃离这地方的念头。。

这是命运的宽容还是另一次不怀好意的玩笑？真的真的很累了。。

The Journey Begins

After attending mass on a regular basis for about a year, I finally began my RCIA journey. Its about time I started to find out more and gain a deeper understanding of the faith. Its going to be a 15 month commitment and I have no idea if I will be able to last through the whole period, but I believe His Lord's grace will be upon me, to give me the strength and also the occassional push to keep me going. I'm really thankful for Joyce gladly agreed to be my sponsor. Its also going to be a long drawn journey for her to have to be there with me through the 15 months. I feel bad for having to occupy her sunday evenings in this manner =\

I've been asked countless times why I turned to Christianity, and in particular, Catholicism. I ain't able to give any concrete reasons but will state what led me in this direction cos I know that if I don't, couple years down the road, I would've clean forget about them.

Back then, I was down and out. Life was at the lowest it could get. I just needed to find peace. Also, I had lost my direction. I no longer knew what was my purpose on Earth. Hence, I turned to Christianity. All along, I had wanted to find out more about this religion because I was intrigued by it. The weekly mass allowed me to find the peace I seek. I was told that I could have found that in any other religion, not necessarily Christianity. But I was led in that direction and I followed.

How it all began? My lack of understanding of the religion was perhaps the reason that led to my life being thrown into a mess. So I resolved to find out about the religion. I asked around. I had a weird dream one night. I dreamt of the book "A purpose driven life". The one in my dream was a pure white copy. (don't tink it exists) The next day, SX told me about the book and offered to lend me her copy if I wanted to read it. I never knew of the existence of such a book and had also made no mention of my dream to anyone. For a whole week, my dreams were all pure and white. Subconciously, according to my friend, I had gone to work dressed in white that entire week. Perhaps I was so desperate in searching for serenity, purity, calm and peace that even the images conjoured up in my dreams were as such.

I've visited many Churches, so why Catholicism, why OLPS? Frankly, I ain't sure if I truly agree with the Catholic doctrine as compared to that of the other Christian denominations. But the feel I get is that Catholicism emphasies more on the family unit and I feel really at ease when in Church, even when I have to attend mass on my own. No offence to anyone, but sometimes I feel that some of the Churches are more like a gathering place for young people.

My learning has kinda stagnated since I couldn't really comprehend the Gospel on my own. Some of the things done during mass, I also don't understand its significance. I know RCIA will enrich me in alot of ways, whether or not eventually I choose to get baptised. This is one thing I like about the Catholic Church. They put you through a long course, to give you the time to understand before you make a deicision on whether to get baptised or not.

Thus far, Christianity has had positive effects on me. The weekly reflections really allow me to identify my own short-comings and address them. I've also learnt to be more tolerant and have been more able to curb my short-temperament. The most significant lesson I've learnt: "LOVE OTHERS JUST AS JESUS LOVES YOU". This include loving your enemies, loving people who have done you wrong.

鸭子，dodo bird, 乌龟，海龟

The gathering of the 'famous 4'! LoL. Weird names? Dun ask me why. Can't really recall how the nicks came about... ...

Some background.. 乌龟 and 海龟 used to sit behind 鸭子 and dodo bird back in sec school and they never failed to irriate one another by being super 鸟！It all started from 海龟, and the 'skill' got passed on to the others, with 鸭子 emerging as the top disciple. Since then, 海龟 stepped down and passed the throne over to 鸭子. All the 鸟-ing binded these 4 frens, even up till today...

Its been a while since all 4 of us gathered. It was so great that 乌龟 managed to join us for supper. The moment we saw her, we all had the same thought, 乌龟 had the Sammi Cheng's seh, because of the color of her hair. But 乌龟 had violent objections about this comparison since she relates Sammi to techno songs, something which certainly doesn't appeal to her. She protested, and protested. Lol.

We'd all tamed down quite a lot where 鸟-ing was down to an all-time low. Perhaps we've all grown up and matured. A good sign. Heh.

An enjoyable evening, managed to vent all the pent up anger in me and felt so much better after. Only thing was that I seemed to have eaten a little too much, to the extent that I wanted to puke! Binge Binge Binge. Gotta stop. Gained so much weight that I'm so disgusted at myself already.. Arrghhhh!

1st biz trip - KL

Was to fly into KL on the 1st flight for a meeting at 9am. A check with a fren from KL, there's no way I can reach the client's office by 9am given that my flt only touch down at 745am bcos of the terrible jam. But supe said he doesn't want to fly in on Sun nite and stay a nite there. I seriously would rather do that. Then I wouldn't have to wake up at the unearthly hour of 430am.

To begin with, I don't even know if I slept. I went to bed at about 1130pm. But I tossed and turned, not used to going to bed so early. Frustrated, I got up at 130am. Tried to relax and go back to sleep, but its really difficult. Didn't help that mum woke me at 4am.

Blurry-eyed, I left for the airport. Since the flight's only an hour, no breakfast was served. The nice colored sky was the only reward in the early morning...



The jam was horrendous, such that we arrived an hour late for the meeting. In fact, by the time we got there, the meeting was drawing to a close already. To which I felt, why in the world did we fly there for? Attended the meeting on an empty stomach... *growl*

After that, we visited the office of an associate and the branch. That dragged on and when I finally got a chance to eat/drink, it was already 1pm. A good 8 hours had passed with me not having touched any food/drink. I don't recall being on a hunger strike?!?!

Spent the rest of the afternoon going to 2 malls. Apparently, supe was supposed to explain why they were flops, but well, key word used was "SUPPOSED"... Hmm... I really don't get the purpose of the trip.. the only thing I appreciated was being out of the office and I had time to do a little shopping.

But this trip did make me realise one thing. I do know what I want to do already and am striving towards that right now. I certainly don't want to remain in my current employment for more than another 6 months..

‘爱’

老鼠对猫说我爱你。猫说你走开。

老鼠流着泪走开，但谁也没看见老鼠走后，猫也留了一滴泪。

其实有总爱叫放弃。

人善变的是脸，男人善变的是心。

在爱情的世界里，没有谁对不起谁，只有谁不懂得珍惜谁。

不要轻易说‘爱’，许下的承诺，就是欠下的债。

要抓紧爱情，而不是伤害彼此的感情。

乌龟与海龟

That's the nick of Aki and myself, given to us back in sec sch days cos of the farni animal noises that we often make during moral ed classes. We'd been classmates for e 4 yrs in DHS and often hanged out together. Being in the same faculty in college allowed us to continue keeping in touch though the frequency dropped greatly. When we went on to uni, we hardly met up anymore. Fortunately, we're those who can pick up from where we left of and that we've got numerous similar interests.

We both like Jap, dance, sing ktv, eat fried food, can go crazy abt chasin idols (but i'm nowhere near aki's level of craziness, heh), watchin dramas like there's no tomorrow... Sometime back, we bumped into each other at the language school, and had time to exchange a few liners each time. I also decided to take up dance, which I had procrastinated for so long.. aki's already been taking lessons for the past 2 years! Loooonggg way for me to catch up.. she's also my supplier of korean dramas... all these gave us the opportunity to re-find the strong friendship that we once shared...

Today, we met each other at a seminar.. we realised the other person's existence at the very same moment! so coincidental!! Lunch was 2 hours long, so we went over to Forum to 'walk, walk'. Nothing much there, except for all the shops catered towards young children. We went into a shop that sells children's books. We especially liked those with stickers where u've got to stick them on the various pages of the book. (we like them even now!) So there you have, 2 adults, but yet behaving like kids, LoL. The moment we stepped out of Forum, we caught a whiff of something very delicious and wondered what that might be? I offered that its fried food, then reckoned that it came from Old Chang Kee. aki quickly added, "its the fried sotong head!!" We then went on and on about how we both love the super unhealthy fried food. LoL. We wanted to get some, but then again, we were so stuffed after the many rounds of buffett we had for lunch. Oops.. felt like such a glutton! =p

We both missed the days when we were young, when life was much more carefree..

I'm really happy today, to know that our friendship is still as strong as before. Despite having lost touch momentarily during the couple of years in uni, we managed to pick things up from there and we still have so much in common, so much to share! =)

———————————————————————

乌龟，一切顺其自然吧。以你的聪明与智慧，你肯定能克服一切困难。不要给自己那么大的压力。 你行的！有朝一日，你会找着你的方向的！两年的时间的确不容易碍。。 你要想清楚后再作决定哦！但无论你的决定是么，我会一直在旁支持你的!

Spooky

Spooky

In the cool of the evening
When everything is getting kind of groovy
You call me up and ask me
Would I like to go with you and see a movie?
First I say no, I've got some plans for tonight
And then I stop and say all right
Love is kind of crazy with a spooky little boy like you

You always keep me guessing
I never seem to know what you are thinking
And if a girl looks at you
Its for sure your little eye will be a-winking
I get confused, I never know where I stand
And then you smile and hold my hand
Love is kind of crazy with a spooky little boy like you
Spooky

If you decide some day to stop this little game that you are a-playing
I'm gonna tell you all the things my hearts been a-dying to be saying
Just like a ghost youve been a-haunting my dreams
But now I know you're not what you seem
Love is kind of crazy with a spooky little boy like you
Spooky

Ahh, ahh, spooky, mmm, spooky, ahh, ahh, ahh, spooky, ooh, spooky
Ahh, aah, aah, spooky

-------------------------------------------------------------

The spooky little boy sent me this song.. and it really 'spooked' me, cos the song's a lil too apt...

Monday 'Blues'

Monday tiz week was great! time passed so fast without me doin anything much. As usual, spent the morning clearing all the administrative work and in the afternoon, it was off to the law firm for legal documents negotiation. A&G's office offers a splendid view!! We were on the highest level (30th), in the Board Room and sat facing the great expanse out there. I always wished I had a home and office with this kinda view. It allows you to feel relaxed and calm rather than jumpy and irritated.

Meetin began at 230pm. Not long after it started, my supe was feelin bored too (I thought I was the only one who didn't really catch anything, but he wasn't paying attention as well). He started whispering to me, "the view is really great! you can even see the DHL hotair balloon going up and down". I had to try really hard to keep a straight face. I hadn't noticed the balloon. Just goes to show how much attention he was paying at the meeting. As usual, I began drawing and scribbling at the documents, adding so much color to a black and white piece. LoL.

Slowly, the sky became overcast, visibility slowly decreased and it started pouring very heavily. My supe mumbled, "wa" and it so tickled me. He must really be bored to tears, like me. I think the people sitting across from me must be thinking that I am out of my mind, trying so hard to contain my laughter by biting my lower lip.

The meeting went on and on and on.. finally at 730pm, it was adjourned to be continued another day. 5 hours worth, and I ain't sure if I even understood an hour of what had transpired. Lawyers speak so softly. I could hardly hear.

I had thought of going back to the office, but my supe said he wasn't, so I reconsidered and decided to go off as well. Thought there will be a class gathering, but it ended up a separate one. The guys were at KTV while the gals at YF's place. It has been a while since I joined them as I used to have dance classes on Monday evenings. I miss dance, but no class starting as yet. =\ Watched TV and chit-chat. HX had just gotten married the day before and YF (the only one invited from our class) went on and on about how much effort she had put in for her wedding and how great her hubby is. Congrats gal!! I believe her hubby must be really wonderful cos since JC, she has always had a set of uber high criteria. Next up will be Drin. Her weddin is scheduled in Jan 08 and she has certainly began her preparations. She too, I believe will spend a lot of effort on her wedding. Gracie seems like she's starting to prepare as well, looking for a house. Topics revolved around wedding preparations. Got a little bored after a while cos I can't relate to the topic... An earth shattering news was shared right at the end with lots of disclaimers and which left us all thinking hard... ...

要是时间能倒转，你想回到过去的何时呢?

Was reading Aki's blog and this question struck me. Should one day, an angel comes by granting you the opportunity to turn back the clock, when would you turn it back to? Or to begin with, would you want to turn back the clock?

I wanna be greedy and request for the clock to be turned back to various times such that I can choose again, and of course, pick the opposite of what I have chosen, so that the outcome will be different from what it is now. Sounds like I'm unhappy with things right now? Not unhappy, but just felt that things might have been better if I had elected otherwise at various points of my life.

Looking back, I wonder why I made those decisions back then. One day I will know the reasons, but right now, I can't comprehend my own decisions... and I just feel that life sux... from the choice of schools, to the choice of course of study and many other personal decisions... Then again, I was posed this question, "won't life just be an empty shell if everything turned out the way you wanted and you're happy with everything else?" I won't call it an empty shell, but its just part of me, chasing after a fantasy world, without all the harshness of reality. Perhaps its all due to the over-protective environment I have grown up in. But what's so bad about having everything turn out the way you want it, without you having to go through all the pain and hurt when u fall, and drain yourself of all energy and life trying to stand up again. Worse happens when after you fall, you can no longer stand.

Of course, looking on the flip side, it is the ups and downs that enables us to mature and become wiser, so that we won't make the same mistakes once more.

Suppose my mood is greatly affected by the weather. It has been gloomy, with loads of precipitation... needa find my direction in life quick or I'll just continue to 'disintegrate' and waste myself away...

MLB

The crazy me was in action once more today.

Made a really last min decision to send my cuz off at the airport. Took a cab at abt 1140 when her flt was at 1240. The cab driver would have likely sensed my urgency. I really wanted to tell him to drive faster, but seeing that he's averaging ard 100km/hr, decided not to get him into trouble for speeding. When I dropped off, he actually said, "good luck". Er, cab driver must have watched too many dramas and thot this was going to be something dramatic like me rushing to the airport to stop someone from leaving or something. "Good luck"? LoL. Bumped into my teacher at the airport while carrying Jayden. What a joke! He actually thought I was married and checked that out with my cuz!!

In the afternoon, I went for the MLB gathering. For those who know who they are, good. For those who don't, doesn't matter, just remember that I can be tiz crazy too. Heez. My main motive there was to collect the tee and of course meet them. But yet, I know I won't be able to fit in with the people there due to generation gap. There were a couple of ppl there whom I know, but it was still relatively weird. Played a game of bingo together and I was in the green team, with Sam as the leader. Everyone's really shy and reserved in this group. But didn't matter since we won! And the prize, an autographed picture (now sitting on my desk).

Most fortunate thing, K turned up after the game! I was really elated to see her. Somehow, despite having only met twice, I would say that we hit it off pretty well. Its good that she's really sociable and we're of similar frequencies, so could hit it off pretty well. Farni thing is how she always thought that I am younger than her when in fact I was older. The happiest thing has to be the fact that I took a pic with him!! Although, due to K's 'muscle spasm', the pic's a little blurry. Happi, Happi, Happi!!

Here's the tee design..

Enjoyin' the sea breeze

Thought of doin somethin last nite, but somethin happened, or rather din happened, that got me rather fed-up, disappointed and upset. Luckily, SX, the fren who never fails to be always there for me, came out to meet me despite the call only at the eleventh hour. Din wanna stay in an enclosed area, we got our ice blended mocha and headed to sit by the beach instead.

We wonder just what is wrong with ppl of our generation. We've all probably been in the workforce for only 2-3 yrs, but yet, most of us are seeking an escape route out of this workforce. Also, it seems that none of us have an answer to the question, "what do u want in life"? Most of my frens are in the profession they are in simply because of the monetary rewards despite the endless complains that they are not happy with whatever they are doing. The "kiasi" syndrome seems to be the most predominant trait of most. Ppl just fear venturing out of their comfort zone. The thought of going back to school for another couple of years to get the necessary qualifications in order to pursue their interests seem to be something worse then death. But we've still got to work for several decades. What is these couple of yrs compared to the couple of decades. Personally, I can understand the fear for I have had to overcome it to take the step I took. In fact, I am one of the guilty ones who have planned my own escape route.

Have we been brought up in such comfortable and sheltered environments that we can't deal with the harshness of the work environment? If so, then what's going to happen to the future generations whose lives have been a whole lot better. Does this have to do with the education system in SG, which had always focused on rote learning (monkey-see, monkey-do kind), rather then developing us to think for ourselves, and to be concerned with issues beyond the textbooks.

So, do I know what I want then? I always thought I knew until I ventured out and realised that its only pseudo greener pastures out there. Nothing real, nothing tangible. But I don't regret the decision I made for I know I have tried and found out for myself that its not what I am truely looking for. Many ppl are remaining where they are and thinking damn hard, will that be what I want? U'll never know till you try. Whatever the decision made, sacrificies are bound to be aplenty. I'm still coming to terms with the pay differential, which has just widened given that my peers from my ex-firm got an increment. If I were still there, I probably would say, "so what if I get so much money? I ain't happy with what I'm doing." But now that I'm out, I say, "Ahhhh, my heart pains at the amount of money I have given up!!" From here, I conclude that I am not someone who can be contended with what I have. LoL.

I don't supposed there will be any workable solutions. We've all been moulded to be like this. Kinda wishy-washy, only complaining non-stop and not doing anything about it. I wished I had a solution too.. then not only can I help myself, I could help my frens out there who're all in the same boat.

Something really farni happened tho, while we we were enjoying our conversation. Some 'little bois' actually tried to pick us up. This tickled the both of us hard. We concluded that they must be really bored but nonetheless, an unspoken compliment to the both of us for looking youthful. LoL.

SX, thanks for keeping me company. U're such a sweet fren. Well, work's gonna be really busy for you and I know very well the kind of mental stress u're facing. But I also know that u'll be able to handle all the stress and work coming your way. You will be guided through everything. =)

You're GREAT!

Just read from the Rover forum that 10 has been awarded her BPA!! Though she doesn't know about the existence of this blog, still wanna congratulate her for the hard work she has put in and the perserverance to have come this far. All the effort was well worth it =)

BPA used to be 1 of the items on my 'to achieve' list. But guess I just din have the determination to follow through it. I had embarked on the process, but as usual, when people around me started dropping out of Rovering, I did likewise as I found it hard to continue without the support of a Group. Rovering were fun times. I'm sure many can attest to that. It was through Rovering that I made a close friend in PS, learnt so much so much about things that i'll never find in books, had the opportunity to try out so many different things and pick up skills which I will have otherwise never got close to learning... The annual camps organised, the training camps and workshops attended, the trips, hiking, nite walks, the sailing, kayaing, power boating.. all the beautiful memories.. missed those adventurous days... *sobz*

Coming to think of it, it was a pity that I gave up. Together with the BPA, I also gave up the woodbadge, something which I was pretty close to obtaining already. I had completed the requisite camps and courses and did 2 out of 6 projects required. Well, no one to blame, except myself. 10 did try to get me involved at the national level initially after the lack of support at the Group level. But after a couple of times where I didn't make it, she felt that it was pointless to ask someone who ain't interested. Not that I wasn't interested but at that point in time, the agenda on the books was kinda different. Couple of reasons but it was mainly due to work commitments.

Supposed learning about this struck a strong cord in me to prompt me to write this entry immediately. LoL. This will be another notable regret in my life.

Rovers, still remember back in 1999 when we first stepped into Marlin?? Realised in another 2 years, it'll be our 10 yr anniversary... Any possibility of getting everyone in one country and doing something adventurous again?? Its gonna be a huge grand plan with age catchin up with us and people located across the continents, but I think this is worth a thot. hmmmz^^

Resolutions?

I pondered long and hard... Is there any point in making new year resolutions? How many ppl actually do remember the resolutions they made and kept to them? *shrugs*

Its come to the end of 2006. But really, neither my frens nor I can recall what happened durin the year. It seemed jus like yesterday when we were still struggling through peak in the 1st qtr of the year. No one seem to have much recollection about 2006. No one had anythin good to comment abt the year. Everyone seem to be suffering from amnesia or has 2006 been so terrible for all? Nothing memorable, nothing worth mentioning.. how sad can life get??

With 2006 being such an uneventful year, 2007 can't get any worse ya? Just a couple of things I want to remind myself of in 2007,

1. find my religious direction and strenghten my relationship with the Lord
2. be more disciplined in work, studies
3. re-find/re-build my direction in life
4. leave tis lonely place
5. be less tempremental

Let 2007 be a greater year for all my frens out there! 2006 will be over, so let's not look back any longer.. look fwd and continue to perserve in whatever u're doin! someday, u'll understand why things happen the way they do! Minasan, gambarimasu!!!

1995

That was 11 years ago, when we all first met. Everyone donned in a white shirt with metal buttons and blue bottom. We were then 13. 21 Dec 2006, Suntec City. We all met up again. We are now 24.

I really wouldn't have imagined that we would have a class gathering after so long. We weren't an exceptionally close class to begin with and back then, there were too many unpleasantries that marred the friendships between many. I had my reservations as to whether the gathering will turn out well.

As usual, had work dropped on me at the eleventh hour and there was no way I could leave having had that kinda feedback given to me jus the day before. I would've just packed and brought work home instead if not for impression management. Crap! In the end, I only managed to leave ard 9 odd, shortly after my boss.

Went down together with Aki. The rest were done with dinner by the time we got there. I was a little taken aback by the large grp (16 in total). It took me a while to recognise everyone of them! Most of them hadn't changed much, including their characters. Just that it has been ages since I last saw them and I needed some time to register their looks. The usual lame and crappy ppl were still their usual selves, out to irritate everyone else. Think it was such a pity that we missed dinner where all of them had so much fun digging up all the nicknames and happenings of yesteryear.

(Sitting L-R: Eden, Madeline, TuanEng, me, Aki

Standing L-R: Yuchun, Yvonne, Hongjing, PeiPei, Warren, Kelly, Weikai, ThongLee, Jianwen, ChangHsu, Colin)

Look at all the happy smilez on our faces!! Guess from there, you can tell how glad everyone was. Fond memories of those innocent times keep flashing back, especially when I'm feeling all weary and tired of the added responbilities of growing up. It was a nice opportunity to forget all the worries and just reminisce about the happy times.

Thanks Weikai for the initiative of this gathering. He has to be one who has changed the most. From the quiet and nonsensical young kid to the matured and serious person he is right now.

Thanks Aki for Mukgu too!! Its now hanging on my wardrobe ^^

Happy when busy and tired

When PS asked me what she could pick up this winter on top of work, DGS and climbing, I just went 'DUH'. I thought those were enough to keep her busy, but apprarently it wasn't so. DGS and climbing had become part of her routine, and she needed to look for something else on top of that. Last winter, she managed to squeeze in time to do her mandatory papers as well, and without that in the way this year, she believes she has time for more activities.

We started discussing about how we've been engaged in so many other activities besides just work. Come to think of it, we've yet to stop studying since graduating from Uni. Besides work + study, we're also both actively involved in so many other activities. But PS certainly has more things on her schedule compared to mine. Studying is to aid our progress in work and all other activities are out of pure interest.

I had always like Jap and dance. This year just happened to be the most suitable time for me to get engaged in all these. Albeit I am beginning to feel tired, but I really love the lessons and at least I know that when I were to look back in the future, I can tell myself that I've done things which I'm interested in, and wouldn't be so disappointed with how I led my life.

All I can say is that we're 2 people who really wanna live our lives to the fullest. Lots of sleep has been sacrificed but I would believe that we're both very happy. Hence, PS said to me, "I think u're happy when busy and tired, rather than being free and bored". I think the same goes for you as well PS! Let us continue with our crazy schedules and keep each other going despite the geographical seperation!!

So looking forward to your return in 4 days!!! Countdown ticker is ticking away.. =)

When the results was announced

Last friday, I was eagerly anticipating the results of the winning bid for the Sentosa IR as it would affect me quite greatly. Well, the government sure had her way of keeping people in suspense! Results were due to be announced only at the end of the day at 5.30pm!!

When the results was announced, I felt my heart drop in two-fold. First was to heave a sigh of relief that I will have a wonderful Christmas afterall. Second was that I will never have that nice piece of experience to add to my resume. I had put in quite a bit of effort before the results, researching, analysing and forecasting. It was great experience and I loved it despite the late nights I put in. A project of this scale is a kind of one in a life time thingy and is unlikely to come by anytime soon. So felt kinda disappointed.

Well, my fren tried to cheer me on saying that something better will come in my way in place of this opportunity lost. I certainly hope so. That's the reason why I moved over in the first place. Have faith ^^

Chicago beckoning

Lately, I've been receiving mailers telling me of opportunities in Price's Chicago office. This is more of an internal mailer where I had left my gmail contact back then. Frens from Price will know about the Global Opportunites page. Chicago's beckoning!! No doubt I am certainly not qualified for the roles they are looking to fill, but no harm submitting my application. PS's overjoyed on hearing this and is even more excited than I am right now! This time round, I'm DEFINITELY putting in my application! No more BUTS and leave the rest in the hands of God.