Inspiration

I really should be packing my luggage for my trip next week.. but simply no mood.. rather, I'm kinda inspired to write something tonite.. after a long hiatus..

Life has been quite hard these past 5 mths plus.. I feel tired and all messed up as well.. too tired from thinking too much, so no more brain cells left to write anything.. imagine your boss who sits next to you calls out your name like almost every other 5sec asking abt tis and tat.. totally drive me nuts.. and makes me loses the motivation to work.. that was the kinda of life I led for the 1st 3-4 mths of this year.. till the day I threw in the white towel and told my boss "look, I'm feeling pretty burnt out".. after which, the incessant calling of my name has pretty much stopped..

I gave up my interest - Japanese.. simply because I can't juggle having to do revision and homework after a long draining day at work.. thinking of picking up something else which perhaps take up less of my time.. but haven really got round to doing that since getting to sleep in on saturdays is still very much a luxury to me.. prob wait till I get bored..

Over the last 2 mths or so did I realised just how much my job had changed me.. having a super demoralised colleague whom u're close to just makes things worse.. I've become so cynical and negative in everything.. its just so wrong.. but so what even if I recognise these flaws? by staying put where I am, dun tink anything's gonna change.. but where should I move on to next? The push factors aint strong enough to push me out right now, hence I stay put.. but I feel it's not worth trading in ur life and health for the $$, fame and prestige.. a snr describes my situation as akin to being a drug addict.. knowing that the habit should be kicked but cos there's no gd reason to kick it, the withdrawal symptoms of having less $$, fame and prestige forces me to continue being sucked further into it instead...

there're lots of things that I need to decide on.. but I don't know where to start.. there's nothing but ???? in my head right now.. frens have always said that its probably bcos I have no time to sit down and think abt what I want.. is that really the case? I actually don't think so.. going away for an extended period prob can't help me reach a decision of what next either.. though I would welcome that sort of a break.. if just to regain some sanity.. probably i shd jus take off on a solo trip agn...