Part 2

Oh boy! Just what is wrong with me???? more stories of the *blurblur* me...

I booked movie tix for sat when I was going to catch the show on fri..
I knocked over the GLASS soap dish.. hit the basin.. guess what? one big chunk of the basin got chipped off!!! I didn't know the glass was so hard... ...

whatever's the virus that got me has probably got straight to my head and damaged it... =\

Nothing went right

I really don't know what was wrong.. but nothing quite went right end of last week

In trying to save my phone from dropping onto the ground, I ended up scratching myself with my own nails.. its a really bad scratch.. fren asked if was a humie or a cat.. lol.. best thing was I dropped my phone still, later on in the day.. that scratch was for nothing..

Had kinda like a sudden stomach seizure on fri just before lunch.. but thankfully it didn't last long.. Late afternoon.. realized that someone had blundered my client's transaction at work which gave me a heart attack in trying to resolve it.. then came the huge scare.. I was standing at my colleague's cubicle when suddenly everything around me started spinning! Luckily I was quick enough to hold on to something before I fell.. Managed to regain my balance and staggered back to my seat.. but my head was spinning so badly I thought I was going to die!! couldn't really fathom what was wrong.. lack of food/water/sleep??? can't be.. I've had dizzy spells before but that was way back in secondary school days and nothing this severe.. I was wondering if it was low blood pressure but I thought that was a thing of the past too since recent trips to the doctor showed that my blood pressure was back to normal.. so I napped in the office for about half an hour..

thought I would be fine after dinner.. got betta, but could still feel the light-headedness..
thought I would be fine after a nite's rest.. but I could kinda feel something moving in my head and was still feeling faint even as I just laid in bed... this is when I knew things are worse than I had thought.. can't dismiss it, so I made a trip to the doc on sat morn..

diagnosed with virus infection that affects the mid-ear fluid balance (or something along those lines) i seem to be getting all sorts of weird diagnosis recently.. mainly virus infection of all sorts.. kinda freaking myself out over what is seriously wrong with me??? I wasn't in the right state to ask more questions in relation to the infection since all I wanted to do was go home and rest my head on a pillow..

googling about it scares me though.. but at the very least, I know I need to change dietary habits.. like staying off caffeine... Zzzzzzzzzzz

Long Long Weekend =)

Looking at the no. of days of leave I have this year and also to reward myself for the hard work over the last 3 months, decided to take 2 days off and relax.. and so I did that over Mon and Tues and had a super duper long weekend.. however, what started out to be a relaxing break, turned out much otherwise.. in a good way though..

I aint too bad for someone who tried wakeboarding for the second time (the 1st time I tried was more than a yr ago!).. I could stand and lasted for quite a while.. of course I had my fair share of crashing head on into the water that really really hurts! not forgetting the arms that became so sore after the session.. After a morning of strenous exercise, I slept the rest of Sunday away.. lol

Rose at the unearthly hour of 530am on Mon to drive my bro back to camp for his reservist.. well.. he asked me to and I felt really obliged to do so because he's been such a doting bro who picks me up when I asked him to.. so bleary eyed, I took a morning drive.. got back at 7am and crashed back into bed.. bombarded with smses but I simply ignored them.. my frens were trying to reach me so that we could set off for Johor earlier.. but of course they failed.. heheh.. we were headed for Palm Resort for my first outing on the green after getting my PC.. and I sux at golf!! thankfully for the golf ball that rolls and rolls and rolls... it started pouring after we were done with hole #5.. what a thunderstorm.. drenched and miserable.. the mosquitoes came out and had their fill too.. =\ The rain lasted really long such that we didn't have time to finish the whole course.. really dead tired on the way back.. I shan't complain, since I got to nap on the car unlike the poor guy driving.. my body ached so badly, I wondered why I pay to torture myself...

Finally, a ME day to end my leave! started with a massage in the morning.. although the back hurt (prolonged hours of sitting in front of the pc resulted in stiff shoulders and bad posture resulted in backaches), I felt great after that.. could feel that all the tension had been released.. then off to get a hair trim.. i realised the hair trim took TWO HOURS only after I left the salon.. I only had 1 inch trimmed off.. and 2 hours.. lol.. not complaining because this is the salon I frequent and I think they're good (else I won't be a repeat customer).. but just wondering how they make money like that.. since the hair cut took longer than expected, I had no time to shop!! headed straight for facial.. ultimate pampering.. =p

Rejuvenated.. but wished I didn't have to go back to work!!

Most Morbid Dream

I had this ultra morbid dream 2 nites back!!! I can't remember the details, but the outcome is so clearly etched in my head!!! I dreamt that my nephew died!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!! Friends close to me know how dear my nephew is to me... I cried over his death.. and it was not mere crying in my dreams. I woke up in shock only to find that the crying was for real!!

Friends say that I must be thinking of my nephew too much.. lol.. I have not seen him in 2 weeks, which is not exactly that long.. Good thing is I was told that in real life, my nephew will be very lucky and live a long life.. the opposite of my dream =)

But I really miss him.. =\

悲しい

一週間を待っていた後、まだ通告を受け取らなかった。残念だし、悲しいし。今、何をするべきであるんですか？ぜんぜん分からない。。

期待

嘿嘿！又想用华语了。。可能很快就能将我的“blog”改为中文的吧！其实也没什么特别的原因，只是跟随着感觉而已。。

乌龟午后时发了短讯告诉我她收到好消息了，要我去查看电子邮件。。真的真的好失望啊！为什么没有那封我期待已久的电子邮件呢？？啊啊啊啊啊啊！！　

看来我期待的东西还蛮多的。。。　。。。好难过。。。

the MOST UNDERSTANDING boss

I have to say I've got the most wonderful boss I can ever ask for.. He's understanding and rolls his sleeves up to help (ie. he doesn't just sit there barking orders!) He doesn't lose his temper (at least not at me) either.. what more can I ask for? I'm really thankful for him, else I think the last 2 years in banking would have been more hellish..

So, what prompted this entry was the chat I had with my boss this afternoon.. It was actually to talk about the upcoming budgeting (yes, the most dreaded time of the year!) and he started a little on performance review.. he started with how we are benchmarked against each other.. and since I had been promoted, the expectations have of course been raised too.. he can't really decide if the promotion was good or bad either.. he said that their decision to push me so quickly was two-fold - 1) to begin with, I had been downgraded by HR when I first joined and so my bosses felt they needed to push me up quickly and 2) they think that I've grown professionally and should move-on.. When I first started, I did feel that I was kinda short-changed.. but then the promotions came a little too quickly for me to handle.. learning curves are way steeeeppp!!! back to budgeting.. after the no. was vaguely set, he asked "so how, stressed or not?"

er.. I had felt the stress from the day I got the promo letter.. and here he is asking me half a year later.. hmm.. had he not seen or felt the immense pressure I was under?? my reaction and reply was probably a little too emotional.. I was told not to be too hard on myself.. since I've only been in banking for 2 years as compared to my fellow peers who've had longer banking experience.. for himself, he prob had bout 7 years experience when he joined the team and was placed in charge of the huge account and he felt intimidated then.. so he can very well imagine the kind of fear and stress that I'm experiencing.. perhaps, the expectations the bosses have of me is not as high I make it out to be? They probably might cut me some slack for being inexperienced.. then again.. what the heck is an inexperienced person holding the rank of AVP??

I better learn to expect less from myself.. less stressful, more time to sleep, complexion will improve and I can look younger!!! ははは!!

脆弱

得知了朋友的父亲生命垂危，立即就与其他好友赶到他家去探访。。 看到了他父亲那瘦弱的身子以及那半昏迷半清醒的状态，立即让我想起了当年也是因得了癌症而离开人间的外公。。想起了当年的画面，眼泪就不由自主地涌上。。但我知道在那情况下，无论如何我都不能落泪！！ 因为他们已是多么的难过了。。

癌症病人所受的痛是你我都无法想象的。。他的父亲24小时都得注射吗啡来减轻病痛。。但也因吗啡的关系而进入了半昏迷状态。。我想起了当年外公不停的对我说他有多痛， 多难受。。但我却什么都不能做，只能眼睁睁的看着他受苦。。一天一天看着至亲的人慢慢的被病魔侵袭， 直到病魔战胜将亲人夺走，而我却什么都不能做，那种滋味可真是难受啊！！

生命或许就是如此脆弱吧！就因如此，我们每天都应该过得很充实！！ 我可是说得到，做不到。。 每天就只忙碌于工作而忽略了其余的东西。。真地认为自己太差劲了！

A new year

new year new beginning..

most extraordinary new year.. 2009 greeted me with antibiotics..

2 days later, 2009 treated me to panaco (paracetamol for fever AND pain) and topped it with a day of mc..

a further 2 days, a mouth full of ulcers and another 2 days of mc cos I'm suspected to have contracted the virus that causes HFMD..

if i develop blisters over the next 2 days, then can the doc confirm it to be HFMD and I can continue staying home for ??? (as long as it takes for all the blisters to dry)

it all started with my nephew who had HFMD.. then my bro got the virus and now me.. ..

What is this?

As I sit in front of my laptop, clearing emails on a Sunday night, I can so feel my blood starting to boil.. Its a Sunday night but this is what I'm doing!!!! Sighz.. What a sad life..

Every client wants everything settled before the year-end.. But for heaven's sake.. the next 2 weeks are short weeks.. 3.5 working days each week.. tat makes 7 working days in all.. Doesn't help that my colleague's away and I'm covering her work.. then with a super irritating senior colleague who expects me to drop my own things just to complete his projects first.. arrgghhh!

I'm tired.. enough is enough..

All I ask for this Christmas, is for my dream to come true next year..

Hong Kong

Its the 3rd consecutive year that I've headed to Hong Kong.. If it wasn't a family trip, I really would have opted for Phuket instead.

It was a great 4 days of unwinding in Hong Kong, even though I still didn't get the chance to explore much of the place.. 10 of us (incl. my niece and nephew) traveled together! A really large group!! Thankfully, they behaved quite well on the flight and certainly showed no signs of fear of being on a plane.. my niece was afraid of being placed in the bassinet though and screams when anyone tries to put her in.. and my nephew found it quite amusing when the plane lands with the "gong, gong, gong" noise being made as it halts to stop.

it was like a trip to re-live my childhood.. how long has it been since i rode on the horse carousel, flying jumbo elephant, spinning teacups?? I did all those, more than once for each ride even.. haha

it was fun hanging out with my brother and cousins at LKF too.. think the last I travelled with my brother was when I was about 10 maybe. So its been a good 16 years..

but this was a really expensive trip... all expenses paid trip for my mum, plus a dinner treat at Yung Kee, plus shopping, plus forfeiting money on the phuket trip.. oh well, look beyond the $$ I tell myself!!

Link to photos on the right. My niece and nephew are just sooooo CUUUTTTEEE!!!

My first attempt at baking

Other than home economics class back in secondary school, this is probably the first time I've attempted baking. Dy suddenly decided that he wants to bake and so gathered a couple of us together. My brother kindly agreed to let us use his place (apparently, its quite difficult to find someone who has an oven at home).

On a early sat morn, we dragged ourselves out of the house and met at Simei to buy the necessary ingredients. The adventure of our baking attempt begins!

At my bro's place, we randomly fiddled to operate the oven.. *ta-da* dy managed to get it working! But only for a min or so.. before the electricity tripped!!! OMG!!! I hope nothing is spoilt by us!! We turned back on the mains, and tried the oven again, again and again... This spelt the end of our baking adventure... =\ The oven never worked again.. oopssss.. I really hoped it wasn't us!

Not willing to give up, we decided to head to dy's house and use the mini oven instead. I must say, his house has almost all the baking tools that you can think of! We should have so headed to his place to begin with..

That's the first cheesecake in the oven.

The right one is the end product while the one on the left is the second cheesecake (we had enough mix to make 2 cheesecakes)

After chilling it overnight, here's the final product!! I have to say, it actually tastes pretty good... don't mind the not so nice looking surface though.. Not too bad for my first baking (and probably cooking) attempt.. LoL!

Looking forward to more baking adventures!!

All I'm thinking of..

Sleep.. that's about the only thing I did this weekend.. This is how tired I am.. or perhaps its just that I don't want to be awake and thinking of all the work that's waiting for me.. sigh..

I was resigned to working late in the office on Fri nite.. felt too exhausted to go anywhere nor was I in the mood to be out there amongst the crowds.. Just then, received a call from 乌龟 asking me out for dinner.. it was a much welcomed distraction that came at the precise moment!

It was a session where we both just let out all our work grouses.. we're both keeping our fingers crossed and hoping for the results we want that would come sometime mid next year.. hoping for the best..

When it was time for us to leave, we dreaded to head home.. we wanted to be home to rest and have time for ourselves.. but we also know that going home means having to start working on all those stuff we had brought along to be completed over the weekend!! Arrghhhhhh!!

I know I complain too much about my work.. but if its as simple as saying "I quit", I would've done that.. but there's alot more to consider.. words are spoken loosely and easily.. its putting it into action that's difficult..

是我变了吗？

当了11年的好朋友，但最近因为时间不允许，就少来往了些。在一次聚在一起时，感觉变得很生疏。好难过。。。 不知道是不是自己变了， 才会和朋友的距离拉得越来越远。好想好想能真正的和朋友们轻松的聚一聚。最近的压力真的快让我窒息了。在无能控制的情况下，躲到角落偷偷哭泣的次数频频增加，身体也有承受不住的现象。让自己也担心起来了。。。

最初把时间排得满满的出发点是想让自己的生活一点空当的时间都没有，才不会有多余的时间去胡思乱想。久而久之，却似乎是在将自己封锁起来而利用工作来麻醉自己。我以为自己能够适应这样的生活。但现在却找不到坚持下去的勇气！朋友认为我最荒谬的理论- 若是生活在一个有亲朋好友围绕的地方还是感觉到孤单寂寞，那我宁愿到一个没人认识我的地方生活。至少我知道孤单与寂寞是理所当然的。

或许失去了人生的方向盘就是这样吧。常常都只想一个人躲起来。已经尽力在寻找方向，但还是毫无头绪。真的很累了，累得无法在支撑下去了。至少宛萍能理解。真的很谢谢她一再的支持与鼓励。。

其实真的很高兴今年在工作上所得到的认同。至少这么多年来的努力没白费。但是这一切都是用了其他东西换来的 - 健康，幸福，睡眠，时间等。要得到就必须付出，我理解了。今天的一切结果都是因我自己所做出的选择，因此我不会为所失去的责怪任何人。就当是要让我学着成长的必经之路吧！而我现在要做出的选择就是放弃这一切。就当是我没那能耐，也没那能力在现在的领域里获得骄人的成就， 所以就选择退出。已失去了许多才选择放弃，是有点傻，有点可惜，但我只想找回平凡的我。可能是因为最近有位好友让我听了《领悟》。。我领悟了。

就如她说的，换个环境也许对我而言会较好。我不在顾虑这么多了。会放胆去试一试。并不是我要离开就能的哟。大概在半年后才会知道吧。

Its SOOOO real

Its time finance texts are re-written. The unthinkable, unimaginable has all happened! The question is, what next? I recall finance texts clearly touting that 2 US mortgage giants, Freddie and Fannie are akin to risk-free treasuries.. there's no risk of default.. then they got into trouble when property values started plummeting.. they were at risk of defaulting! Then came the BIG 5 Investment Banks of Wall Street that once seem so formidable, each with over a hundred years of history... that just kinda fizzled out... first up, Bear Stearns was acquired by JPM, then Lehman just collapsed overnight... Merill got acquired by BOA... the remaining 2 opted to become deposit-taking banks overseen by the Fed Reserve thereafter.. (ie. no more BIG 5!) Something closer to home.. Insuarance Giant AIG could not meet its obligations.. All these and more happened in the short span of slightly over a year..

But the man on the street here probably still wasn't aware how this will affect him... it still seemed so far away... if not for my job, I might be one of the few oblivious one..

Now it has finally hit home... job cuts are for real, in the very firm I work for... in a couple of hours' time, the names will be released.. everyone had been on tenterhooks over this week, not knowing if they're one of those on the list.. the fear and uncertainty was written over everyone's faces.. Initially, I wasn't really worried at all.. Worst case, I'll take it as a well-deserved break.. but the atmosphere in the office is just too tensed! Everyone.. from clients to friends.. the first question will always be, "so how? are you ok?" Everyone has got me very worried now! But looking on the bright side.. I'm lucky to still be young, and free from any debts.. and perhaps this will help speed up the decision process on applying for JET.

Tmrw's gonna be the most ironic day of the year.. a lunch treat which was planned for long ago by those who got promoted mid-year is scheduled for tmrw.. aft lunch, HR will be dropping by.. there'll be a hairy crab session in the evening.. frankly, who in the world has the appetite to eat during lunch? probably the hearts are all beating in the throats alr.. who'll have the appetite to still have hairy crabs after the news?? even if you're not one of those on the list.. u'll be sad for those who've been asked to leave!

One thing I learn this time round.. don't ever take things for granted.. what's yours today might not be yours the next.. doesn't matter how hard you work or how good a worker you are.. no one is indispensable... ...

As the days go by..

A deadline I gave myself.. 31 Dec 08.. is drawing near.. but I've made no progress in thinking things through.. that's just me.. forever procrastinating in making a decision.. slightly more than 2 months left.. but I have no idea where to begin..

Man grumble when they have no choice.. and whine when they have too many choices.. when then can man be satisfied? NEVER!

I like familiarity.. because it makes life so much easier and bearable.. but familiarity is the reason for my current negative state of mind.. how ironic is that? I still haven't found a way to reconcile the two, and hence, my apprehension in making a decision..

I'm tired of being who I am not.. then again, I don't know who I am..

Just know that I yearn for the day when I can smile from the bottom of my heart, again..

What to make of the markets

2 days after I came back, I was being mentally prepared for the onslaught of work to come.. all thanks to the market that kept heading south no matter what central govts are doing.. with every passing minute, more grim news surface..

I've grown tired of reading all the negative reports.. each time a report surface, I'll thank God that nothing in there will affect my job stability, as yet.. given that investment markets are now closed.. more and more corporates are relying on bank loans.. its got me really busy.. of course, its always good that there's business coming.. but I'm going to become the best clown in town juggling everything on my plate.. learning how to prioritize is the probably the biggest skill I can pick up now.. work just keeps pouring in.. I don't see an end to it..

I still cannot really comprehend the bloodbath even after every other major central bank is doing their bit to stabilize the markets..

sighz.. can the market head north like real soon?

東京

I'm back from the super short trip to Tokyo. Everyone's shock to see me back in the office... no one expected my trip to be this short.. heh.. kinda tiring actually.. packed quite a bit into the trip, plus touched down only at bout 0030.. aft all the unpacking, plus packing my room which was kinda messy since my parents got my room painted while I was away, and everything weren't in the right position.. it was close to 0400 when I finally hit the sacks.. and I went in to work couple of hours later...とても大変ですね！！！

Day 1 Ueno, Asakusa, Odaiba

The happy faces of 2 gals who just arrived in 日本 and are making their way to central Tokyo!

Did the usual sightseeing this first day we got in.. First off to Ueno Park, followed by Asakusa and then Odaiba. Ueno and Asakusa still looked pretty much the same as 7 yrs ago.. The reason I wanted to go Odaiba was for Rainbow Bridge and the ferris wheel.. sounds silly.. but oh well, its just me.. hehe.. pretty pretty sights!

Day 2 Hakone
The diff modes of transport in Hakone.

Day 3 Hakone, Omotesando, Roppongi

表参道 Omotesando Hills along Omotesando とてもきれいですね、でも物価はとても高いですね！ Everything along this street is so elegant and pretty. But I guess there's a price to pay for everything.. nothing's cheap here.. simple top could set you back by $100 easily.. Shopping was followed by catching sight of the infamous Tokyo Tower ＠六本木。とても好きだよ！

Day 4 Tsukiji Market & Tokyo Disneysea

I really can't believe having to queue an hour for sushi at Tsukiji and most surprisingly, I survived the queue.. I'm not someone who can appreciate food.. since I don't eat much.. its jus ridiculous to me that we stood in the queue for an hour and had that few pieces of sushi.. no doubt, the freshness of the seafood is something I've never tasted before.. おいしい！！

Headed down to Disney after brunch.. to our horror, Disneyland is overcrowded!! They had stopped selling tix!! AHHHHH! Left without a choice, headed over to Disneysea.. 残念ですね！
In my opinion, Disneyland is more fairytale like and cute.. which I so prefer over Disneysea..

Day 5 Harajuku

Shopping!! But did not have enough time =\ Good and bad I guess.. Good cause the damage to the pockets will be smaller.. bad because my aim was to go there and shop!! but the disparity in quality between clothes sold at Harajuku and Omotesando was quite apparent. You really gotta pay up for the quality!

Din buy many things, but here's some of what I bought..


Its back to REALITY again... =\

I'll post more photos when I have the time..

Struck me hard

Bro stayed over with the little one over the weekend.. While lazing in bed, just commented to him that my table's really messy (ie. can't see the table actually).. his reply was, "is it? but you're even messier!"

Alright, he probably meant it in the appearance sense since I refused to get out of bed and just continued lazing.. but his words struck me hard cos I really feel that life's in a mess right now.. although perhaps somewhat in an organised mess.. but its still a mess..

sighz.. Ain't making much sense here.. shall go continue packing instead..

Murphy's Law

Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong..

I was kinda bumming at work for about a week plus.. literally not doing anything much except surfing the web.. but as my leave draws closer.. I get busier! which is always the case.. On training for the past 2 days.. which leaves me with 3 working days this week.. and I've got couple of datelines.. arrggghhh!

I can now only look forward to hopping onto the jet plane next tues nite, and head for the Land of the Rising Sun! doubt I'll have the time to come up with a proper itinerary as I had planned to.. let's hope all the years of Japanese lessons will pay off when I'm there... really can't wait to go!!