Focus

So I was 'summoned' in for a talk on tues. I did expect the kind of pep-talk I was given but thinking through the arguments that were put-forth to me, they did make some sense. Before and after the talk, I was thrown into complete confusion. I don't even know how many voices there were in my head, all eagerly expressing their own point of view. I was trying so hard to quieten down all the voices so that I could listen to the most important one of them all.

Friends thought I was disappointed/depressed after the talk. Well, I wasn't. I never expected things to be smooth-sailing anyway. I was just deep in thought, trying to re-assess the entire situation as well as my options. There's this huge chunck of mess in me which I don't have the slightess idea how to resolve it but I know I have to do something about it. I know that its all the push factors that's forcing me out. It really shouldn't be the case. The force of what used to be the greastest push factor has greatly diminished to the point that its almost non-existent. This, I am very sure. So my dear friends, all of you can stop worrying about it. I might have a slight clue of what next since between career and family, there's only one which I would willingly give up for the other without a thought.

Right now, I'm just going to cast this aside and focus on what's more pressing at hand, my studies!!!! Its exactly 2 months away, the syllabus is Greek to me and I've yet to flipped a page. I wonder why I'm ever so eager to throw myself into the deep end jus to struggle to stay afloat. Sometimes, I think I'm just mad. *LOL* I'm so in need of a miracle!