SIGH!!!

That's all I feel like doing right now. Nothing else but sigh. I shouldn't really be feeling this way, given that I just came back from a dinner + coffee treat. It was certainly an enjoyable evening with the team but the thot that 2 of them are calling it quits in a month's time is really kinda demoralising. To add on, a 3rd one leaving is on the cards. The team is really splitting up. Of course I'm happy for these individuals who've managed to find a way out and to greener pastures. But at the same time, it just got me wondering, what exactly do I want? What exactly am I working towards? I know this is perhaps the umpteenth time that I am asking myself this question but there still doesn't seem to be an answer.

Here I am sitting at my table, looking at the job adverts I have cut out from the papers. But as I read thru them and re-read again all the job descriptions, I wonder if any of those jobs are what I am looking for. Right now, I seem to want to apply for most jobs under the sun just so that, hopefully, I'll get an offer and I can finally leave this place. Really, its the push factors. I am simply being PUSHED out cause I know I don't want to be here anymore. But where should I head to next? I really have no idea. SIGH... ... I am kind of tempted to call it quits as well. Then take my time to decide where next to head to or perhaps to continue studying. But studying is just a temporary escape from the reality of having to work for that couple of years. After that, the whole cycle begins again. I can't continue with studying indefinitely as well. Perhaps, the whole reality of having grown up and stepping into the working world hasn't set in really well.

Is it because I am not easily contended and satisfied with what I have in life. Am I trying too hard to be what I am not? I have fellow peers who seem quite fine with everything right now but I seem to be the only one who's complaining day after day. Is there something wrong with me or what?

SIGH SIGH SIGH... ... ...