I've sorta hit quarter life crisis, whining everyday to frens about not knowing what I want in my life, about how terrible my job is, about all the nasty and CMI people I meet etc etc. I always have something to complain about. Sometimes, I think they are all sick and tired of my constant nonsensical whining.

Just recently, I've had to make a huge decision on what next to do about my life. I went through the entire thought process over and over again and asking frens similar questions day in day out that I guess would have so irritated even the most patient one. But I'm lucky to be blessed with supportive frens ard me, willing to lend me their listening ears anytime I needed them and knock some sense into me when I go off the track. Just when I thought I had made up my mind, these good frens of mine, wanting me to be really sure of my choice, started questioning me again making me go through the ardous thought process once more. But it only meant one thing - that I still wasn't sure.

So I spent last nite at hx's place, toking about the same old things all over again. She asked, "Are you just looking for something to fill up the void in life right now such that you're making such a hasty decision?" I perhaps am looking for something to fill the void, or just looking for a change in surroundings, in a way to try to start life anew. But I'm sure its not a hasty decision. What do people do to fill up the void in their lives then? Look for new activities to engage in? Look for a special someone who can keep them company? The first option is a much sensible choice to me though I would love to pick the 2nd. The second option's too risky because there's another party involved. There's no sure way of knowing who that special someone's gonna be and should it turn out otherwise, one party, or even both parties could be hurt. 'Hurt' is a frightful word that sends shiver down my spine. After toking through things, and making known my fears, I felt much better. I felt more certain about things and sorted out the tangled mess in my head. Maybe, like what hx said, I already knew what I had to do, I just needed her to reinforce my decisions. Whatever it might be, gal, I still thank you for the hours spent sitting by the pool, listening to me.

PS, I had promised to send off the mail to my manager and I've done that. Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that I won't be 'grilled' too badly for all my frequent requests. Wonder what my manager thinks of me - the problematic staff perhaps? Another senior just told me that he's going to leave the firm despite the fact that he's gonna be taking a severe pay-cut. Well, I told him at least he's going to be doing what he enjoys while I'm still stuck. Kinda sad when all these seniors, and its always the nicer ones, are leaving one by one. Its really demoralising. Had previously been complaining abt this other senior of mine. Come to think of it, he ain't that bad. At least he bothers to 'check' in on how I am handling the work given that he's on reservist now. Not that he's helping with anything, but just dropping smses. Still it beats not bothering right. So he gets credit for that.