Ought to rest more

After two weeks, two courses of medicine, I've yet to recover. Getting better, but my throat still hurts and I've got that hacking cough... Probably I ought to see another doctor...

Despite being sick, I still held a bbq on Friday.. The bbq was planned a month ago and really din wan to cancel it... My family had booked the chalet for the weekend for my nephew's 2nd bdae celebrations on Sat.. since the place was available on Fri, thought I'll just gather some close friends to catch up =) but its such a torture, looking at the food, yet not being able to savor them... Well, of course my self-control wasn't all that great.. LoL! Had wanted to stay the night at the beach to look at the stars and hopefully catch the sunrise the next morn but was too tired to do that. I miss the time in Shizuoka, Japan and Fitzroy Island, Cairns Australia where stars were plentiful and shone so brightly...

Long journey to Bukit Batok on Sat morn to attend Tim and Sharon's solemnization at St Mary of the Angels. A really big, grand and modern Catholic Church. Really happy for them. ^^

In the evening, went to the chalet for my nephew's bdae. He was soooo elated when he saw his bdae cake. He struggled to break free from his mom to get closer to the cake.. Either he really like those monsters - Barney and friends, or he just love cakes. Earlier, he refused to eat dinner but he had 3 servings of cake. LoL.

After 2 looongg days, I finally had time to rest on Sunday. But it ain't enough. Still feel really lethargic and tired. Not sure if its due to my sickness, or I'm really tired... everyone's telling me I ought to rest more in order to get well.. I know, I know.. but I can't really sleep cos the hacking cough keeps me awake.. how to get well???

Flying Fish

Whoever knows how to interpret dreams can help me with this one..

Strange and weird dream / nightmare I had.. Will try to recollect as much as I can..

I have got 2 luohan fish in my house that have grown pretty big that's its quite a squeeze for them both to share a tank. Someday, my eldest bro and myself, perhaps too bored or were just sadist, decided to pour $1 coins into the tank. (My bro poured the coins in while I watched from a distance). These 2 fish are very fond of jumping. With the $1 coins poured in, the water level just gets higher, to the point of reaching the bream. Somehow, the fish also got very excited and began swimming around vigorously. When the opportunity came, one of them jumped, and of course, out of the tank! To which I screamed as it headed in my direction!!! I got my brother to catch hold of the fish quick and put it back into the water. I don't want to kill any of my dad's fish. My bro placed the fish into a pail of water and the fish remained very quiet and still. Water from the tank had been spilling over with the fish swimming about so vigorously, so my brother had to refill the tank with more water, but perhaps a little too much. I told him to put the fish that jumped out back into the tank to see if it would 'return to normal'. True enough once he put it back in, the 2 fish got very excited again! (don't know what happened to the $1 coins this time round). From wherever I was watching, I knew for sure that the other fish was going to take the opportunity to jump out as well and screamed to alert my brother that the water level was too high! But before my brother could do anything about the amount of water in the tank, that stupid fish jumped out! Dropped on the ground and did a flip into the air before dropping back on the ground and slided towards me. Of course, I screamed!

What a fishy night I had... Flying fish, and all in my direction!!! EEKSS!!!

Potent Bug

Think I've caught the omnipotent flu bug.. I do get the occasional sore throat, running nose kind of stuff.. but this time round.. OMG! Haven't fell this sick for as long as I can recall..

On the first nite I fell sick, I couldn't sleep cause my throat hurt so badly. The next morn, after going to the doc, I concussed for the next 22 hrs, waking up only to take my meals and medicine... Went in to work, but called it quits after half a day.. the aircon was freezing cold, my nose was leaking non-stop, I sounded like I was coughing my lungs out.. Betta not spread the germs..

Today's the 3rd day.. onli improvement is that I can now get out of bed.. the medicine simply has no effect on me.. wasted the public holiday staying home.. dun wanna spend the weekend in bed again..

arrghhh.. stupid bug, will you jus stop bugging me!!!!

The order of the Catechumens

Having been attending mass for over a year, today's one was exceptionally different, because of the meaning it held. Today's Rites of Acceptance marks the first of several rites I'll be going through as I journey down this road of Faith.

I felt really blessed and happy to be called and be able to answer God's call. When the sponsors signed the cross for us, I felt that it gave me a whole new meaning to Christian life. Previously, I had attended mass regularly simply for the sake of attending due to my lack of understanding. The months of RCIA thus far have certainly deepened my understanding of the religion. After the signing of the cross, I felt a deepening of relationship with Christ and a compelling need to live the Christian way of life to be a good role model for others. However, each step that I take to be closer to Christ raises the fear in me - the fear of being different from my family (my family's religion is taoism). When I was praising the Lord, tears welled up in my eyes as I wished that my family was there with me. I believe I have long accepted Christ, but to do it in this official manner, it adds a different meaning to it all.

This is but just the beginning of a long and arduous journey. I still don't feel that I have the strength to go through with baptism without my family despite my mum having told me that she's fine with whatever religion I choose for she can't be there with me forever, and ultimately its a choice that I have to make for myself. So long as I'm happy, she won't be against it. But its easier said then done. I truly love my family for their openness and understanding and I sincerely hope that one day, they too will hear God's calling and answer to that call.

Start questioning

Of late, there have been more and more occurrences of people who had left Price, making their way back. All had left for the banking industry, only to return because the prospects seem brighter back where they started from. Some of them have left for a couple of months, some for up to 2 years. This left me questioning, what is it that they have realized that is leading them back to where they started, rather than trudge on at wherever they might be right now?

Call it the herd instinct. When one starts moving back, slowly others will follow suit. What does turning back signify? Giving up the fight in the corporate world outside of audit? Giving up the pursuit of your dreams/your goals? Acknowledging that one can't survive outside, away from the sheltered life that Price provides? Or is it really true that the prospects are better back in Price? If that's the case, then I too want to head back.

I've lost that determination, that strength to work towards what I want to achieve. All because reality has proven to me that I perhaps don't have the capabilities to make it. 3 years in the workforce, but none of the experience I've picked up is considered relevant towards achievement of my goal. At least that's what my last interviewer told me. What have I been doing over the past 3 years? Have I simply been wasting my time?? Its saddening and demoralizing to hear that. Should my experience be irrelevant, it simply means that either I start afresh, or I'll never walk down the path I had envisaged. But not many firms will give me the chance to start afresh, when they could easily hire a fresh grad, who certainly will have greater drive and determination.

What happens next? Being stuck in a place where you only have colleagues, not friends, when everything you say or do, criticisms are aplenty. You can't see what the future beholds in your current employment. Returning to Price is a much more palatable alternative then. At least there's still a certain degree of certainty in your future. You've got friends who stand by you through the hard times, both at work and outside.

I don't really know what to think or do at the moment. Work performance has certainly deteriorated but I just can't bring myself to put in more effort. Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best. I place my faith in the Lord, and may I receive good news next.

吓！太厉害了！！超赞！！

刚上完hip-hop班！很累很累，但感觉很爽！今天是第十一堂课，下星期就是最后一堂了，也意味着要考试了！时间过得可真快哦！

刚开始上hip-hop班时，觉得这舞蹈不适合我，但跳啊跳的，就越来越喜欢了！那令你感觉超帅的舞步！ 嘿嘿！好好玩哟！同学之间的默契和感觉也很棒！连小柯老师也说她当老师也感到很欣慰， 同学都这么棒，吸收力很强, 气氛也很好。小柯也说她从未看过一班这么好的同学, 早知道她就编排更难的队形给我们. 一部分是靠天分，但也外加了努力。 其他同学多数都是学生, 比较能抽出时间, 所以都会在上课一小时前到舞蹈学院去练习。 真是用工！我也会尽量早点下班去练习，不然就跟不上了。我已经算是班上最差的一个了，不是记不住舞步，就是跟不上节奏。哎哟。。 我跳hip-hop的样子其实是超难看的，完全抓不住那很帅的感觉。。 乌龟，教教我阿!!

跟这班同学跳得很有感觉.. 希望大家都会继续跳下去吧. 太好玩了!!　

今天真是超开心!!!　

Personal DNA

You are a Creator

Your imagination, confidence, willingness to explore, and appreciation of beauty make you a CREATOR.
You are independent, and you enjoy your self-sufficiency.
Defying convention, you are very innovative, and you have a vivid imagination.
The look of things is important to you, and you have a keen eye for aesthetic beauty in multiple arenas.
You have a strong interest in what is new and exciting—and that includes forging ahead with new ideas, not simply discovering what is already out there.
Your eagerness to seek new and varied experiences leads you into many different situations.
You're not set on one way of doing things, and you are creative when it comes to finding novel solutions to complex problems.
You trust yourself to be innovative and resourceful.
Your confidence allows you to take your general awareness and channel it into creativity.
You're not one to force your positions on a group, and you tend to be fair in evaluating different options.
You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well. You tend to do things on the spur of the moment, not sticking to a set schedule.
You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time.
Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

If you want to be different

Appreciate the earthly, practical elements of things—there is beauty in form as well.
While you are good at thinking abstractly, focusing on details a bit more may help you discover things about the world.

how you relate to others

You are Benevolent

You are a great person to interact with—understanding, giving, and trusting—in a word, BENEVOLENT
You don't mind being in social situations, as you feel comfortable enough with people to be yourself.
Your caring nature goes beyond a basic concern: you take the time to understand the nuances of people's situations before passing any sort of judgment.
You're a good listener, and even better at offering advice.
You're concerned with others at both an individual and societal level—you sympathize with the plights of troubled groups, and you can care about people you've never met.
Considering many different perspectives is something at which you excel, and you appreciate that quality in others.
Other people's feelings are important to you, and you're good at mediating disputes.
Because of your understanding and patience, you tend to bring out the best in people.
You're not one to force your positions on a group, and you tend to be fair in evaluating different options.
You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.
You tend to do things on the spur of the moment, not sticking to a set schedule.
You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time.
Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

If you want to be different:

You spend a lot of time taking care of others, but don't forget to take care of yourself!
Sometimes you can get overcommitted, and when you sacrifice spending time with those close to you, it can make them feel unimportant.

SstarZz

I want this chain!!!

Callin' out to stranger

Where is the stranger in whom I managed to find comfort in? Sometimes, stranger seems so close, but at other times, stranger seems so far away.. this seemingly close yet distant feel is something that doesn't sit well with me.. at times, it sinks me into exasperation, at times, it sinks me into depression.. its so difficult to understand stranger.. its not that I don't want to know, its because stranger doesn't want to talk about it..

Stranger, I'm still here.. but are you still there? Unknowingly, it has grown to such a point where I'm afraid that one day I'll not be able to find stranger, worried that I won't see stranger's face light up again.

Instead of the differences spoken of, in our eyes are mirror images and I have to speculate that God himself made us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the day...

Stranger, when will I be able to find you back?

迷失了方向

This picture very well depicts how I'm feeling right now - completely lost, not knowing what next.

1130am - "... could u come over for an interview during lunch?"

HUH?!?! My plan was to lunch in because I'm really behind in terms of my work. Backlog. But what to do? Had to go. But the short notice was also good in a way. Then I didn't have time to get too tensed up. Crap. I was still as tensed as ever. Spent whatever little time I had reading up.

I had been forewarned, by not 1 but 2 ppl about how intimidating this interviewer of mine is. Given the background that he hailed from, not too difficult to imagine how tough and difficult he might be. I wasn't disappointed. He basically grilled me over my resume, and asked for such a detailed account of things, something I've never experienced before in all my interviews. I wasn't speaking coherently at all. One important point, if you're like me with such a terrible memory, please try not to include things that are more than 1 year old. I simply had no recollection of some of the things that happened in the past. Sometimes as I elaborate, I realize that my resume is trapping me!! Things don't gel at all. The more I said, the more I was tripping over my own comments.

Another first for this interview, interviewer actually bothered to take time to draw out the structure of how the unit functions and explained in such great detail. Its for their benefit as well as mine, to set all expectations right at the onset. He also asked alot of questions and the focus was basically on whether I know what it is that I want. He advised that the short tenures are not going to look good on my CV. He also reasoned that when he was my age, he too was very eager to learn. Things that we've never tried before will always seem interesting and we'll always be curious and want to find out more. But there is a limit to how much one can learn because of limited time and resources. Experience is something that is accumulated over time. Simple statements of facts delivered correctly leaves a lasting impact.

No interviewer ever spared me the question on why I failed to get my honors. And I found that my answer has evolved over time though the basis is still the same. This interviewer was different. He asked if I regretted not focusing on my studies. I never really spent much time pondering over that question before so he got me thinking. I won't say its completely without regrets. I perhaps could have done better by being more hardworking. But then again, the things I got to try and the experiences gained from all those activities that I took part in back then... Those are things which no books or no. of As can buy me. Of course, I'm not as smart as my fellow frens who though as involved as I was, still did well in their studies. Would I swop those experiences for an honors. Maybe not. According to my interviewer, in life, you've got to make choices, you've got to learn to prioritize. You can't have the best of everything. I agree with him. I got my degree (though without the honors), and at the same time, I got to pursue my interests. Right now, I am (or choose to believe that I am) still on track to achieve my goal in terms of my career, albeit I might be a few years behind others.

To end the interview, he reinforced his point on what the role was all about. He told me that should he decide to make me an offer, he still wanted me to think through if this is what I really want to do for the repercussions will be huge. He told me not to give him an answer there and then. He wants me to think about it. He understands that no one will stay in the same job forever, but he wants someone who will spend a reasonable amount of time such that the effort spent training and grooming will not go down the drain.

I've never had an interview that made me think so much after it has ended. All the things my interviewer told me, though simple as they might be, have a very great impact on me. It felt as though my dad had given me a piece of advice (truth be told, neither dad nor mum ever gave me any advice. Their theory is that so long as I am happy and know what I am doing, they'll always support me. wonderful set of parents I have)

Frankly, I feel that I didn't do well in today's interview, so ain't keeping my hopes high. Nonetheless, my interviewer has given me lots of food for thought.

All tangled

When you've tried long and hard to achieve all those stuff that forever remain elusive to you, it's apparent why you start losing faith in everything and end up beating yourself up over what a failure you are.

Feeling somewhat like that right now. Nothing seems to be going right in my life. Then again, I don't really seem to have an idea what is the RIGHT direction anyway. Its always easy to dish out advice to others when they're feeling down, but when it comes to yourself, those advice can never be turned into solutions. Weekly horoscope tells me that as much as I love helping others solve their problems, I should think about my own and that I certainly deserve better. Perhaps a little too nosey at times, poking my nose into everybody else's problems. But then again, it might just be that I am escaping from having to look at my own problems.

Looking back, there are several things I did/didn't do that has left me in great regret today. But who doesn't have regrets? I thought that if I recognized those things I did wrong/didn't do in the past, and did something about them today, I'll still be able to turn things round. But I've got to be the world's greatest fool to think in this manner. Nothing done today can actually make up for what was not done yesterday. Opportunities missed will never return. Decisions made can never be retracted. So I tell myself, "accept the fact of things and stop being the fool you are!"
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I miss the camaraderie back in Price, terribly terribly miss. Everybody works hard and late together. Everyone helps one another, the coaching culture is strong. More importantly, you forge strong and true friendships. I'm thankful I got to meet this group of friends. The camaraderie is a very strong plus point in pulling me back, especially so when the reason I left in the first place seems less and less attainable.
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Life's meant to be filled with obstacles. But what does the Lord see in me that I can handle all these obstacles one after another?? Each time I thought I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm thrown into another mess. Its mentally draining more than anything else.

When can I REALLY see the end of the tunnel??

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

On several people's recommendation, I went to the library and picked up this book. It was engaging enough that I never book-hopped.

The book talks about very simple things, things we all know about but somehow eludes us nonetheless.. it talks about how everyone has a dream and destiny of their own. But during the course of searching for the dream, the obstacle-filled route often cause the individual to give up in despair or lose sight of their dream. It also talks about how one should follow the heart and not overrule the heart...

I really like the book. Certain paras make you stop and ponder over your own life. Nothing written in the book is new. But yet, it talks about things both you and I know very well, but has never been able to achieve them. It also describes how everything that happens around us is a sign. But it takes alot to be able to read those signs and interpret them.

Would recommend those who have never read the book to pick it up. However, wanted to highlight that the book incorporates some elements of religion in it. So, if you're really so adverse towards that, then you wouldn't want to read it. Really inspirational.

FOLLOW YOUR HEART FOR IT KNOWS BEST!!

Patience

I had been frustrated of late, when things didn't turn out the way I want them to.. in all aspects of my life. I began questioning God, asking if He truly existed.

After the RCIA session last week, I began asking myself a lot of questions, questions which I had no answers at all. Why Catholicism of all denominations? Will I be ready to get baptized at the end of the 15 mths? Can I live with the fact that I will be the only in my family of a different faith? Would I end up being 'stranded' from my family? What got me started on this journey? I don't seem to recall what the miracles were... Will I have the perseverance to commit myself through the 15 mths? Questions, questions and more questions!!!! I felt that my head was about to explode anytime with the onslaught of questions. Lucky, Uncle Tim gave me some advice. In essence, it is "P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E". Just take a step at a time and rest assured that He will be there to take me through. I ought not to overburden nor over-worry at these early stages..

There're other things that were getting me really irritated and kicking myself over why there's jus no progress on those fronts. I've been very jumpy this entire week. Really bad mood. Just wanna apologize to whoever got the brunt from me this week. (I can't really apologize to them one by one since some of them were perhaps just strangers).

At the RCIA session earlier on, for the closing prayer, I was asked to read the Prayer for Guidance. When I read it, I was pretty taken aback. It was too apt for whatever I was going through right now. It just seems as though God was talking to me, telling me that He is always there, that I have to stop being so impatient for there will come a day when things will turn out the way they should be. Tears welled up in my eyes.

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Before the RCIA session, I had attended this Confirmation Mass for teens. The moment I stepped into Church, I could feel the joy that filled the place. Parents, Godparents, friends, Catechists... All of them were there to celebrate the joyous occasion where some 134 teens were confirming their faith. Presents galore.. flowers, teddy bears etc...

I felt all alone in a place filled with warmth. It got me thinking about the day when I might get baptized. For one, I believe the 3 frens whom I attend Church with will not leave me in the lurch on my baptism day. But who I really want to see is my entire family and that one special fren. I even conjured up that scene in my head. Will that happen? I have about another 12 mths to work on that. I have never brought it up to my parents that I am going through this Journey that will lead to me getting baptized (if I choose to do so) come next Easter.

I know worrying will get me nowhere.. actions speak louder than words.. I should sit my parents down some time soon..

Changes

Overheard mum's conversation over the phone. *SHOCKED*!

Mum has quit her job. Her last day is 7 May. She couldn't stand the politics at her workplace.. so she quit.. lookin for a new job..

Feel really lousy that I still don't make enough for my parents to retire.. =\

Trip's end

Been back for a week.. finally sorted and got my photos uploaded online.. here's the link if u're interested..

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2093510534&code=27460039&mode=invite&DCMP=isc-email-AlbumInvite

Just to summarise things..

Loves
1. the beach and boats of riviera
2. the beauty and history of provence
3. the snow-capped alps and 1st skiing experience
4. belgium chocolates
5. colorful tulips of amsterdam

Hates
1. dodgy marseille and being followed
2. limited train and bus services
3. language barrier
4. indeterminable delay of train service
5. sudden cancellation of train service

time always fly when u least want it to. much as i didnt wan the trip to end, i oso wanted to be back in sg..

I'm so excited for Kerk

Just got news earlier on that Kerk's been selected for the JET program!!! He'll be headed for Japan, don't know when, don't know where.. but heck it. It's NihonLand!! Ahhhh!!! I'm so envious!! But that's not the route I would want to take at this moment...

He attributed part of his success to me, who kindly helped him edit the application essay. So, I get a free treat! He said I could choose anything I want, even if its expensive, its worth it. LoL. Looking forward to a really nice treat when he returns from Chicago in 2 days.

I can start planning my Japan trip already! I'll have a free guide who speaks Japanese.. =p

I somehow feel that I'm more excited then him. LoL.

Yoz Kerk, now you're one step closer to finding a Japanese gal!! Heehee.. Gambarimasu yo!!

Congratulations once again!! You made it pal!!

Out goes sucky work, out goes irritating boss!!

"Home" in London - Part 2

CHAMONIX


After we left Provence, it was an 8-hr train ride to Chamonix-Mont Blanc. I love this place with the snow-capped mountains!! Its cold here, but not the windy kinda cold, but the icy kind.. much prefer it over the winds.. YF wanted to take this world's highest cable car, up 3,842m, where one can then see the French, Swiss and Italian Alps and so we went. We were the only 2 who looked completely out of place because everyone else were all geared up for skiing except us. The information at the base station says its -12 degrees up there... hmm... It was such a magnificent sight up there!! From the swiss alps, italian alps to the french alps.. all covered snow-covered with the tip of the peaks jutting above the clouds. The glorious sunshine and falling snow... Was I in heaven? LoL. We would have liked to stay longer if we weren't freezing, especially the feet and the hands. Moreover at the altitude, even the mere climbing of a couple of flight of stairs left us panting like crazy.

BRUSSELS


Parted ways with my cousin at Lyon. She flew back to London while I went on my way to Brussels. Was supposed to only wait an hour before my train departs, but the most wonderful thing happened. My train was delayed! I was trying to find out what happened, but the staff didn't speak English. Train was to be delayed for an indeterminable time. Oh great! I waited and waited. Luckily, there's a kind samaritan who speaks English and told me that he's catching the same train and will let me know when there's any news (all announcements at the station's in French as well). After 2.5 hrs, the train finally arrived at the station. There had been some rail accident, hence the delay. Still can't believe how unlucky I can get.

Yet another day spent on the train when it finally pulled into Brussels at 1130pm. I don't have a map on me and the tourist office is closed. I asked for directions but was told to take a cab instead at that hour for my own safety. I ventured to the metro station, but when I saw the people there, gave me the creeps, I turned back and paid for the cab to my hostel.

Haven't been able to find a single-sex dorm and since it was only for a night, I booked myself in a mixed dorm. I so startled the guy who was sleeping in there when I went into the room. LoL. He was probably shocked at seeing a gal walk into the room? A fellow asian whom I later met up with again in Amsterdam.

I only spent half a day sightseeing in Brussels and buying chocolates. However, granted that I still had 3 days in Amsterdam, I didn't wanna lug too many boxes of chocs around, I bought quite little. =\

My unlucky streak with the train continues. There're trains that leave hourly for Amsterdam from Brussels and its a 3hr journey. I had just bought the ticket in time to catch the 239pm train. Just before the train was due at the station, the screen showed that the train's been cancelled!! Arrghh!! I found out about it because of the commotion going on. No announcements made (at least not in a language I understood). Found out from some others that the train was jus cancelled, no reason given. Gotta wait another hour for the next one... 2 Japanese ladies came up to me thinking I was Jap, asking me about the train. I explained using my broken Japanese. Then I spent the next hour at the station, chatting with them. I'm so lousy. I've practically forgotten whatever I had learnt. Such a let-down to my senseis. The older lady kept telling me to be very careful in Amsterdam because they were there 2 weeks ago and got pick-pocketed. Also, she said that I've got to be extra careful because I look like a Japanese who are the typical targets since Japanese are thought to be rich. I like lookin like a Japanese, but never thought it would be a bane. But they sure managed to convince me about how unsafe and scary Amsterdam is.

AMSTERDAM

The moment I got out of the train station, I felt overwhelmed! It was so crowded!! Since it was already past 7pm, I quickly headed in search for my hostel which purportedly was right next to the red-light district. There were 2 Sri-Lankans with me because this couple had headed to Amsterdam without bookin their lodgin and given that it was a Saturday, it was near to impossible to find a reasonably priced hotel room, and they wanted to try their luck at the hostel I was staying at.

There were many Malaysians stayin in the same room as me. They all studied in UK. But strangely, I ended up finding company with 2 gals from Taiwan instead of the Malaysians, though there were 2 of them who were very nice as well. Very good practice session for my Mandarin, which has turned very rusty.

In a day, I managed to cover the museums I wanted to visit and also walked around the central area of the city. To this I thought, I'm going to be really bored over the next 2 days! I was initially afraid to venture into the red light district on my own, much less after dark. But got some disappointing news that made dampened my moods drastically and usually, I become very bold when I'm in a bad mood. Headed out of hostel and sat down at some random street side bar for a drink on my own. Then I walked into the red light district. To my dismay, it wasn't interesting at all. Just prostitutes standing behind the 'windows' waiting for business. The street was jam-packed with tourists. Really nothing so dangerous about it. And with all those scantily-clad women to look at, no one would come bother you at all. Of course, I didn't head into the dark alleys. Perhaps it was a different story in there, I ain't sure. Not daring to that extent.

The next morning, I visited all the markets in the city and burnt a huge hole in my pockets. Had to drag myself away from the markets because I was running dangerously low on euros. Its a blessing the markets don't accept credit cards. LoL.

Spent the afternoon at the Keukernhof Gardens, about an hour from Amsterdam. I love this place!! Just breathing in the fresh air makes you feel so good! Not forgetting the breathtaking sight of the colorful flowers! It was a pity I only found out about being able to bike out to the various fields instead of staying put in the park at the end of the day. Its a really nice place to sit back and relax with a cuppa, especially with the splendid weather.

I also paid a visit to the windmills the next morning. But the skies were overcast and it was cold. Nonetheless, the little town I went to was pretty and filled with tourists. Its good to travel in spring when the flowers bloom. Makes everywhere a pretty sight.

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After being alone for 4 nights, its time to return to the comforts of my cousin's apartment in London. These 5 days have been interesting, mainly contributed by the different people I met and spoke to along the way.

There's so much to see, learn and experience from every trip. These new experiences also makes you ponder long and hard over certain issues and look at things from a different light.

Going to fly back to Singapore in a couple of hours. Though I hate for my trip to end, but I really, really miss the people back home.

"Home" in London - Part 1

Wow, time flies when you least want it to... Has it really been 15 days since I left Singapore?? Awww.. only 3 more days and I need to return to reality.. meh =\ The last blog was not left blank intentionally.. it was due to the lousy computer/internet which didn't allow me to type anything.. I <3 europe's internet! First-world country indeed!! (punt intended if you didn't understand)

It has been a really interesting trip thus far.. as we travelled along.. every region is so so different.. the experience and adventures were so varied!! Let me start from the very beginning...

THE JOURNEY
It took me a gruelling 24hrs before I finally met up with my cousin.. I didn't know how long the journey was going to take till I reached Nice, France, where my cousin was waiting for me. Flew KLM this time round... they serve very little food.. and food which I can't make out what it is.. had to transit at Amsterdam airport.. and sat there waiting with dreary eyes since my flight got in at 430am in the morn. Upon reaching Lyon, transferred to a train to get myself to Nice, but that's after I endured the cold for about 2 hrs at the station. Not a word of English. Everything's in french and I had to decipher what the remarks meant for my train.. Tried asking around.. but they don't speak ENGLISH!!! Arrghh.. stop being so proud! I believed I asked this policeman, he didn't speak English, couldn't help me and happily just walked away.. DUH!

FRENCH RIVIERA
We stayed 3 nights in Nice, French Riviera region. The B&B we stayed in was comfy and near the train station. Visited the usual sights in the region, Monte Carlo and Cannes and also the less heard of St-Paul-de-Vence (a tiny medieval town perched on a hill) and Grasse (a perfume town). This region is purely for R&R. Nice, Monte-Carlo and Cannes are all coastal areas, so just stroll along the beach and enjoy the uber cold sea gusts. There're countless boats in the Riviera region and in Monte-Carlo, the bulk of the cars on the streets are Bentleys, Merz SLKs, Ferraris... makes you feel like a pauper.. LoL.. I don't need to own a boat, but I really wanted to hop on one of those and make my way out to sea.. I miss being out at sea.. These places are also filled with endless streets of boutiques.. Shops don't open on Sundays though..

From Nice, we went on to Marseille and stayed for a night. Wrong choice. There's nothing much to see and we found the place shady. Paid for a 3* hotel that was worse than our B&B and our 1* hotel in the coming days. Even got followed by some crappy person..

PROVENCE
So happy to be leaving Marseille. Next stop Avignon in the Provence region where we stayed for 2 nights. The Provence region is rich in history having been through the religious war in the 16th century. Everything here dates back that long ago. Its a very lovely place and we ain't sure what event there was there, but everyone was at the Palais des Papes, eagarly waiting for someone's arrival.. We saw many groups of students as well, who're there on field trips since its their spring break.

Trying to get to the different towns in this region is a nightmare with the infrequent trains and bus and people who speak only french. Some places just cannot be reached by public transportation though.

We wanted to go to Arles, the town where Van Gogh stayed in for a period of time and where he painted the 'nuit etoile' as well. Got to the train station there, but waited for 1/2 an hour for the bus. I almost gave up and wanted to return to Avignon but the next bus back was in an hour's time. We didn't have much time in the town because we had to catch the next train, in order to make it to Aix-en-Provence. The transport costs a bomb! I felt to restricted by the train and bus timings that I wanted to rent a car to get around. But with the not so friendly road signs, I changed my mind. Save for the transport problems, Provence a really pretty place.

Was so glad we decided to take a day trip. We went to this town Orange ("or-hange) to marvel at the best preserved Roman theatre in Europe. I think that people in the pass were genius. How do you ever build anything that huge and grand without any modern day machinery? Just like the Great Wall of China..

Thereafter, we went wine-tasting. In France, the wines are labelled by the region thery're from and not identified by their grapes. Hence, we visited Chatenaeuf du Papes (means new castle of the pope) the famous wine region in France. How it got its name was when the Pope first arrived in Avignon, he was looking for a quiet place to build something like a 'summer home' and that was where the castle was built. There was an American couple with us this time round. We were all very perplexed by the stony vineyards and found out that the stones were meant to reflect sunlight in summer and keep the ground cool. All grapes in the region (or throughout France?) had to be hand-picked. This is a law. And so the wines all bear a A.O.C. chop on the bottle. Wines in this region are made from a mixture of 2-13 different types of grapes. Red wine can contain white grapes as well. I didn't know wine barrels are so expensive! 35,000-45,000 euros!!! 95% of the wine produced in this region is red, with the remaining 5% white. Due to the small quantity of white wine produced, they're never exported. As for the red, its mainly exported to UK and America, but the prices are exorbitant. Funny thing is, different barrels are used to store the grapes used for wines sold in the Europe and those in the US because of different taste preference. For the US, the barrels are a lot less costly. The most famous grape in the region is the Grenache (?) We tasted the 2004 and 2001 reds. The 2001 is good! I really like it! Its really smooth!! The American couple also loved the 2001. Its such a pity that because of the ban of liquids on board, none of us bought any.. [PS, I so wanted to buy a bottle for you! The one you can get in US will taste different from the one in France. Sigh.. no baggage space for that bottle. Will see if I can find it in London and whether its still reasonably priced]

Provence is also famous for its lavender. Apparently, real lavender (with only one flower) can only be found on the hills in provence. Those that you see along the roads or elsewhere in other countries are called lavendin (3 flowers) and can only be used to add fragrance to things like detergents.

Learnt alot from the time spent in Provence given that its richer in history.

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Stay tuned for more..

In Amsterdam.. but mood's been dampened

2 days... 18 days

First time I'm so UNPREPARED for a trip.. doesn't help that the weather is all warped, one moment its hot, another its cold.. and i'm traversing across areas of extreme temperatures.. makes packing a little tricky.. well, fingers crossed i don't end up as pretty snow(wo)man on the french alps! lol..

Due to fly in 2 days... i'm really excited and completely in holidae mood already.. despite my plans for the trip.. well, not much plans to speak of.. that's supposed to be part of the fun!! ^^

I'm glad i've cleared 98% of my work.. so i can enjoy in peace..

To all who've been telling me to BE CAREFUL and TAKE CARE since I'll be in SIN CiTY all on my own.. my first true experience of travelling alone.. thanx for the concern.. I'll definitely be very careful.. tink i'm more afraid than anyone of you are.. haha.. so will take extra care =) Lian, thx for offering to be my helpline shd anything crop up.. much appreciated.. remember to keep ur mobile near u ALWAYS!! hahah

stay tuned to my blog for short updates during my trip.. 18 days of enjoyment.. SHIOK!

Sleep, sleep, sleep

*Yawnz* I'm so dead tired and the only light I see at the end of the tunnel is my trip.

Just concluded a deal 2 days ago, and immediately started working on another. This one's much more complicated and the timeline is so much tighter. Was suppose to deliver my 1st draft in 2 days, which I did with the help of my supe.. Working to finalise it over this weekend so that it can be delivered 'up' on Mon and obtain the requisite approvals for submission to the approving heads latest by Tues. Come Wed, presentation to these approving heads and to convince them to be on your side... Still wondering if I'm presenting or is supe presenting??

This is on top of the usual work that I have to do. I've got another 3 credit papers due on 20th as well. Haven started on any. Presentation of the REIT research is also on the 20th. Then its discussion of plans and ideas to hit the budget on 21st. MOST IMPT OF ALL, I'M FLYING ON 21st!!!!

Including the weekends, its a 'cool' 12 days till 21st. 1 deal, 3 papers, 1 presentation, 1 discussion.. Not forgetting I've yet to figure out about the part of my trip where I'll be travelling alone in Netherlands. Let's just hope I don't end up stranded on the streets and can make my way back to London in time to catch my flight home.. lol..

I was asked if I wanted to schedule another presentation on 21st.. I violently dismissed the idea, not when I'm so unprepared for my trip and really, I can't work overtime on 21st or I'm going to miss my flight. But looking at how things are progressing, more likely than not I'll have to take 21st afternoon off (die I need to go in to work in the morn) to settle all the last minute stuff for my trip, including packing or I'll feel damn miserable on an 18-day backpacking trip without the essentials..

Life is just so interesting. Everything has to happen at the same time.. Sleepless nites till I hop on the plane... lol... nw, here's the reason why I can sleep through a 13hour flight...
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On another note, I was super 'suay' (unlucky) today. The bus-stop is a good 10-min walk from my place and I usu have to wait about 7-10 mins for the bus. This morn, I happily waited at the bus-stop and just when the bus came, I realised my wallet's missinG!! I panicked! One, its a coach wristlet, two, I've got quite some cash in there, three, I have a receipt of 300 bucks to be claimed, four, all my cards are in there... So I took the 10-min walk (7 tis time cos I was running late for work) back home. Wallet stared at me from the table. Arrgghhh.. why so forgetful?? Another 7-min walk back to the bus-stop.

As usual, I slept on the bus... only difference, I almost went off to Timbaktu... I didn't manage to wake up like I always could.. Thankfully for the kind soul next to me who woke me up... I'm so grateful!!! By the time I got to office, 915am.. =\

A tad too adventurous!

Goin on a holidae soon.. will be visitin the french riviera region, french alps, netherlands and finally ending my trip in london. 'Wow' is the most common reaction I've got from ppl who know about my impending trip. I'm certainly lookin forward to the trip!! The pretty scenery, the beaches, the wine, the snow, windmills, coloful flowers... not forgetting marijuana, lots of flesh on display...

I've always loved to travel and make it a point to travel once a year. But its realli realli difficult to find a travel companion. I used to travel with my mum, but backpacking trips just ain't for someone her age. So I turned to frens, but its either due to clash of dates or budget constraints. And best travel buddy is not based in the same continent as I am. I've grown weary of asking ppl if they wanna go on a trip together. Hence, I end up travelling on my own, sometimes for the entire trip, sometimes for part of the trip. Everyone says I'm really adventurous and daring.. but really, its just that I dun wan the lack of a travel khaki to ruin all travelling plans.. it would be such a waste! But it means the no. of white lies told just increase exponentially because my mum can never be allowed to find out!! Luckily its not that difficult to reassure my bro that I can keep safe even when alone..

Frankly, its not exactly any fun to travel alone unless u're really gregarious by nature and can chat up with anyone ard you and make acquiantances along the way. I admit that I'm no such person, so travelling alone sometimes end up really boring, because there's no one to share the joys and sorrows of the trip along the way. Each time I return from a trip, I always tell myself its going to be the last time I travel alone, but before I know it, I'm booked on my next trip, ALONE. *cold laughter*

This time round, I'll be in Brussels and Amsterdam on my own, for a total of about 5-6 days. Its also the first time where I'll be staying in a dormitory, including in a mixed dorm albeit for just 1 nite. Its certainly going to be a really different experience! Am a little worried with Amsterdam's reputation as SIN CITY, but at the same time, am looking forward to it as well.. My last trip to Europe, I had wanted to visit Amsterdam but all the negative comments kept me away. This time round, I'm not going to be bothered with these negative comments but rather see for myself what it really is like. Should it really be that terrible, well, I could cut short my stay, hop onto a train or plane and head back to London anytime.

Well, it does seem a tad too adventurous.. but stay tune for stories from my trip.. ^^

A very REAL reflection

I can so picture what kind of life I'll lead should I really move out and live on my own..

My life this week, where ppl ard me are all out of town either for leisure or work, will be a very close reflection of what its like should I end up working overseas.

I stay late at work, and don't have the urge to go home. After work, what I want to do is to find some frens and head somewhere, anywhere, jus to chill... i jus dun wan to head straight home after work.. but there's no one to do that with me... frens ard here jus don't have this kinda past time..

I think I'll be a super workaholic if I'm working overseas. With no one at home, I don't have the urge to be home either... I would of course prefer hangin out to working, but I ain't the kind who can hang out alone, so I'll end up working.. its jus like using work to overcome the loneliness... was just lamenting to PS that there's nothing to do in SG in the evenings, but it later became that there's no one for me to be out with rather. We both reckon that its gonna to be real kewl if only we're not living in different continents, cause we'll have each other for company in the evenings.. well, either u come back or i move over.. tho i think the former is much easily achieved compared to the latter.. *heh* my parents shd be really happy to know that they are part of the reason why I wanna be home early everyday..

As it is, frens are amazed by my eating habits.. let me live alone, and u'll be even more amazed.. lol... but no worries, I haven got any eating disorders.. jus that meals will simply be anything I can find at home.. from instant noodles, milk, biscuits, fruits etc...

Its such a chore having to do all the household chores, especially the laundry! Everything in my house is hand-washed to which I always pity the washing machine for not being able to showcase its ability. But then again, it'll take very long before I can accumulate sufficient load to use the washing machine.

But at the end of the day, I still enjoy living alone.. no one to nag at you for living the nite as though its like day, for turning on the tv, computer and radio at the same time.. of course, life's a breeze with parents ard to take care of everything else in the house, but I believe I can do with learning to be independent in this aspect...

2 more days till parents are back from holiday..
18 days till fren's back from work..
21 days till my trip..

How true does it describe me?

Was alittle bored and did one of those numerology tests, that yielded the result below..

"You are a romantic and an optimist at heart, with a great appreciation for life and all of its pleasures and beauty. Your gifts are imagination, inspiration, the ability to dream and to create. Your natural generosity, big-heartedness,and good humor wins you many friends. You have an inner joy and buoyancy which enables you to encourage and bring hope to others. However, some consider you unrealistic and naive, for you are drawn to the bright side of life and avoid the dark or difficult aspects of people and situations as much as possible. You do seem to attract more than your share of the good things in life. Comfort and ease come naturally to you. You are a very social creature and you especially enjoy being with creative, playful, spontaneous people. Theatre, dance, music, and other expressive arts have a strong appeal for you. Your weaknesses may include laziness, lack of discipline, and impracticality."

Pretty accurate I would say. Any comments?

too self-restrained?

I was told that I'm too self-restrained and that shouldn't be the case. I ought to speak up and say whatever I want to say, whatever I have to say. I suppose the statement holds certain truth in it but for this observation to have come from someone whom I don't have much contact with.. I begin to wonder.. Is this such an obvious trait of mine that makes it so easily identifiable??

Then again, I start thinking about the difference between self-control and self-restrain. How do you draw the line between these? I always thot I was jus exhibiting self-control but apparently it doesn't appear to be so to others.

Take for example when I'm out drinking with friends. Does the fact that I don't drink till I'm high/drunk like most other friends do make me a self-restraining individual? Rather the truth is I can't get high. The moment I have more drinks than what I can handle, I get drunk, the kind where I'll puke then sleep. So, I don't go over my limits simply because I've witness the unsightly scene of girls puking all over themselves and their friends having to pick up after them. Of course friends have told me its alright to get drunk once in a while, since everyone's just out to have fun. I know that and I've certainly been drunk before, just not with this grp. Another matter is that alcohol make me feel so much more 'sober' and aware of my own feelings and thoughts after imbibing one too many drinks... you just lose all will to suppress those hidden feelings.. the result is either you end up partyin like someone who's crazy in order to drown those or you just break down crying.. I've done both before, and enjoyed neither.. So in a way, I feel that I am just exhibiting self-control yet on the other hand, suppressing of feelings make tink its self-restraining...

There was an incident lately that caused a misunderstanding between 2 frens. Certain thoughts crossed my mind but I din want to pursue these and get to the bottom of the matter because whatever the truth might be, it isn't something I would want to know. Hence, my decision was not to complicate matters and stay out of the entire episode. However, the someone told me that I'm too self-restrained once again. Both are my friends, I only wished for the misunderstanding to somehow be forgotten over time, than to have the truth throw some unknown surprises at me! I have to take a neutral stance and cannot take sides since both are my friends and rather than jeopardizing my friendship with either one, what I hope to achieve is to help reconcile the 2 of them. By not having an opinion makes me a self-restrained individual?

Perhaps those ain't very good examples. I see myself as self-restrained especially when I'm with my colleagues. I don't talk much because I ain't sure when and what I say is not going to sit well with anyone. Not to say my colleagues are such sensitive people but just that its really different compared to being in my ex-firm. My current environment is probably a much better reflection of what a workplace is like. I haven't learnt the art of communicating the way I should in such an environment, hence I choose to watch and learn and progress slowly. My colleagues can call me quiet for all they like but it beats having them repeat all the stories for decades to come.

Yes, I am self-restrained. There are a lot of things which I don't say simply because of FEAR. Not knowing what will happen after I say certain things, I just simply don't say them or just state the opposite. That's just the silly side of me at work. Sometimes, I think too much of what the outcome might be and not wanting to be faced with a negative result, I keep things to myself. I really ought not to be like this, since you never know the outcome till you've tried. Moreover, life is too short for regrets. What if the outcome is good instead? This is something which I have to do something about... so do tell me when I'm too self-restrained and remind me constantly k!

Its been said that only true friends are frank to you. I've found another true fren =)

Friends... losing them

Lately, I've been feeling that its getting more and more difficult to sustain all my friendships.. I'm not sure who has changed.. issit me or issit them? It doesn't help that there are external factors at play breaking up those strong friendships forged.

We used to be a grp of 4, hanging out together almost every other week.. A misunderstanding caused a strain between 2 and left the other 2 clueless at how to help resolve the tension... I really enjoy the camaraderie amongst us.. and this is the best chill-out grp.. everyone's easy-going.. now friday nites will never be the same again.. i dun have the slightest idea how long it will take for the air to clear up..

Was out with a couple of really close galfrens but i felt displaced.. i wasn't keen in their chat topics and neither were they with mine.. we had earlier arranged a gathering with some others on cny's eve, but one of them decided to change her mind.. followed by another and naturally the 3rd one as well.. when the 1st changed her mind, i was pretty upset and disappointed.. it ain't the first time this has happened.. thereafter whatever I said was filled with sarcasm.. i tried to restrain myself, and only calmed down after a while..

真是我变了吗？有时候真的还蛮讨厌自己的。。

现在心情真得很差很差。。 只想静静的坐着，一面听着音乐、望着夕阳西下，一面喝着酒。。好想好想登上油轮在那无边无际的海洋上漂泊。。

为何心情总是如此低落？又再次起了那想逃离这地方的念头。。

这是命运的宽容还是另一次不怀好意的玩笑？真的真的很累了。。

The Journey Begins

After attending mass on a regular basis for about a year, I finally began my RCIA journey. Its about time I started to find out more and gain a deeper understanding of the faith. Its going to be a 15 month commitment and I have no idea if I will be able to last through the whole period, but I believe His Lord's grace will be upon me, to give me the strength and also the occassional push to keep me going. I'm really thankful for Joyce gladly agreed to be my sponsor. Its also going to be a long drawn journey for her to have to be there with me through the 15 months. I feel bad for having to occupy her sunday evenings in this manner =\

I've been asked countless times why I turned to Christianity, and in particular, Catholicism. I ain't able to give any concrete reasons but will state what led me in this direction cos I know that if I don't, couple years down the road, I would've clean forget about them.

Back then, I was down and out. Life was at the lowest it could get. I just needed to find peace. Also, I had lost my direction. I no longer knew what was my purpose on Earth. Hence, I turned to Christianity. All along, I had wanted to find out more about this religion because I was intrigued by it. The weekly mass allowed me to find the peace I seek. I was told that I could have found that in any other religion, not necessarily Christianity. But I was led in that direction and I followed.

How it all began? My lack of understanding of the religion was perhaps the reason that led to my life being thrown into a mess. So I resolved to find out about the religion. I asked around. I had a weird dream one night. I dreamt of the book "A purpose driven life". The one in my dream was a pure white copy. (don't tink it exists) The next day, SX told me about the book and offered to lend me her copy if I wanted to read it. I never knew of the existence of such a book and had also made no mention of my dream to anyone. For a whole week, my dreams were all pure and white. Subconciously, according to my friend, I had gone to work dressed in white that entire week. Perhaps I was so desperate in searching for serenity, purity, calm and peace that even the images conjoured up in my dreams were as such.

I've visited many Churches, so why Catholicism, why OLPS? Frankly, I ain't sure if I truly agree with the Catholic doctrine as compared to that of the other Christian denominations. But the feel I get is that Catholicism emphasies more on the family unit and I feel really at ease when in Church, even when I have to attend mass on my own. No offence to anyone, but sometimes I feel that some of the Churches are more like a gathering place for young people.

My learning has kinda stagnated since I couldn't really comprehend the Gospel on my own. Some of the things done during mass, I also don't understand its significance. I know RCIA will enrich me in alot of ways, whether or not eventually I choose to get baptised. This is one thing I like about the Catholic Church. They put you through a long course, to give you the time to understand before you make a deicision on whether to get baptised or not.

Thus far, Christianity has had positive effects on me. The weekly reflections really allow me to identify my own short-comings and address them. I've also learnt to be more tolerant and have been more able to curb my short-temperament. The most significant lesson I've learnt: "LOVE OTHERS JUST AS JESUS LOVES YOU". This include loving your enemies, loving people who have done you wrong.

鸭子，dodo bird, 乌龟，海龟

The gathering of the 'famous 4'! LoL. Weird names? Dun ask me why. Can't really recall how the nicks came about... ...

Some background.. 乌龟 and 海龟 used to sit behind 鸭子 and dodo bird back in sec school and they never failed to irriate one another by being super 鸟！It all started from 海龟, and the 'skill' got passed on to the others, with 鸭子 emerging as the top disciple. Since then, 海龟 stepped down and passed the throne over to 鸭子. All the 鸟-ing binded these 4 frens, even up till today...

Its been a while since all 4 of us gathered. It was so great that 乌龟 managed to join us for supper. The moment we saw her, we all had the same thought, 乌龟 had the Sammi Cheng's seh, because of the color of her hair. But 乌龟 had violent objections about this comparison since she relates Sammi to techno songs, something which certainly doesn't appeal to her. She protested, and protested. Lol.

We'd all tamed down quite a lot where 鸟-ing was down to an all-time low. Perhaps we've all grown up and matured. A good sign. Heh.

An enjoyable evening, managed to vent all the pent up anger in me and felt so much better after. Only thing was that I seemed to have eaten a little too much, to the extent that I wanted to puke! Binge Binge Binge. Gotta stop. Gained so much weight that I'm so disgusted at myself already.. Arrghhhh!

1st biz trip - KL

Was to fly into KL on the 1st flight for a meeting at 9am. A check with a fren from KL, there's no way I can reach the client's office by 9am given that my flt only touch down at 745am bcos of the terrible jam. But supe said he doesn't want to fly in on Sun nite and stay a nite there. I seriously would rather do that. Then I wouldn't have to wake up at the unearthly hour of 430am.

To begin with, I don't even know if I slept. I went to bed at about 1130pm. But I tossed and turned, not used to going to bed so early. Frustrated, I got up at 130am. Tried to relax and go back to sleep, but its really difficult. Didn't help that mum woke me at 4am.

Blurry-eyed, I left for the airport. Since the flight's only an hour, no breakfast was served. The nice colored sky was the only reward in the early morning...



The jam was horrendous, such that we arrived an hour late for the meeting. In fact, by the time we got there, the meeting was drawing to a close already. To which I felt, why in the world did we fly there for? Attended the meeting on an empty stomach... *growl*

After that, we visited the office of an associate and the branch. That dragged on and when I finally got a chance to eat/drink, it was already 1pm. A good 8 hours had passed with me not having touched any food/drink. I don't recall being on a hunger strike?!?!

Spent the rest of the afternoon going to 2 malls. Apparently, supe was supposed to explain why they were flops, but well, key word used was "SUPPOSED"... Hmm... I really don't get the purpose of the trip.. the only thing I appreciated was being out of the office and I had time to do a little shopping.

But this trip did make me realise one thing. I do know what I want to do already and am striving towards that right now. I certainly don't want to remain in my current employment for more than another 6 months..

‘爱’

老鼠对猫说我爱你。猫说你走开。

老鼠流着泪走开，但谁也没看见老鼠走后，猫也留了一滴泪。

其实有总爱叫放弃。

人善变的是脸，男人善变的是心。

在爱情的世界里，没有谁对不起谁，只有谁不懂得珍惜谁。

不要轻易说‘爱’，许下的承诺，就是欠下的债。

要抓紧爱情，而不是伤害彼此的感情。

乌龟与海龟

That's the nick of Aki and myself, given to us back in sec sch days cos of the farni animal noises that we often make during moral ed classes. We'd been classmates for e 4 yrs in DHS and often hanged out together. Being in the same faculty in college allowed us to continue keeping in touch though the frequency dropped greatly. When we went on to uni, we hardly met up anymore. Fortunately, we're those who can pick up from where we left of and that we've got numerous similar interests.

We both like Jap, dance, sing ktv, eat fried food, can go crazy abt chasin idols (but i'm nowhere near aki's level of craziness, heh), watchin dramas like there's no tomorrow... Sometime back, we bumped into each other at the language school, and had time to exchange a few liners each time. I also decided to take up dance, which I had procrastinated for so long.. aki's already been taking lessons for the past 2 years! Loooonggg way for me to catch up.. she's also my supplier of korean dramas... all these gave us the opportunity to re-find the strong friendship that we once shared...

Today, we met each other at a seminar.. we realised the other person's existence at the very same moment! so coincidental!! Lunch was 2 hours long, so we went over to Forum to 'walk, walk'. Nothing much there, except for all the shops catered towards young children. We went into a shop that sells children's books. We especially liked those with stickers where u've got to stick them on the various pages of the book. (we like them even now!) So there you have, 2 adults, but yet behaving like kids, LoL. The moment we stepped out of Forum, we caught a whiff of something very delicious and wondered what that might be? I offered that its fried food, then reckoned that it came from Old Chang Kee. aki quickly added, "its the fried sotong head!!" We then went on and on about how we both love the super unhealthy fried food. LoL. We wanted to get some, but then again, we were so stuffed after the many rounds of buffett we had for lunch. Oops.. felt like such a glutton! =p

We both missed the days when we were young, when life was much more carefree..

I'm really happy today, to know that our friendship is still as strong as before. Despite having lost touch momentarily during the couple of years in uni, we managed to pick things up from there and we still have so much in common, so much to share! =)

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乌龟，一切顺其自然吧。以你的聪明与智慧，你肯定能克服一切困难。不要给自己那么大的压力。 你行的！有朝一日，你会找着你的方向的！两年的时间的确不容易碍。。 你要想清楚后再作决定哦！但无论你的决定是么，我会一直在旁支持你的!

Spooky

Spooky

In the cool of the evening
When everything is getting kind of groovy
You call me up and ask me
Would I like to go with you and see a movie?
First I say no, I've got some plans for tonight
And then I stop and say all right
Love is kind of crazy with a spooky little boy like you

You always keep me guessing
I never seem to know what you are thinking
And if a girl looks at you
Its for sure your little eye will be a-winking
I get confused, I never know where I stand
And then you smile and hold my hand
Love is kind of crazy with a spooky little boy like you
Spooky

If you decide some day to stop this little game that you are a-playing
I'm gonna tell you all the things my hearts been a-dying to be saying
Just like a ghost youve been a-haunting my dreams
But now I know you're not what you seem
Love is kind of crazy with a spooky little boy like you
Spooky

Ahh, ahh, spooky, mmm, spooky, ahh, ahh, ahh, spooky, ooh, spooky
Ahh, aah, aah, spooky

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The spooky little boy sent me this song.. and it really 'spooked' me, cos the song's a lil too apt...

Monday 'Blues'

Monday tiz week was great! time passed so fast without me doin anything much. As usual, spent the morning clearing all the administrative work and in the afternoon, it was off to the law firm for legal documents negotiation. A&G's office offers a splendid view!! We were on the highest level (30th), in the Board Room and sat facing the great expanse out there. I always wished I had a home and office with this kinda view. It allows you to feel relaxed and calm rather than jumpy and irritated.

Meetin began at 230pm. Not long after it started, my supe was feelin bored too (I thought I was the only one who didn't really catch anything, but he wasn't paying attention as well). He started whispering to me, "the view is really great! you can even see the DHL hotair balloon going up and down". I had to try really hard to keep a straight face. I hadn't noticed the balloon. Just goes to show how much attention he was paying at the meeting. As usual, I began drawing and scribbling at the documents, adding so much color to a black and white piece. LoL.

Slowly, the sky became overcast, visibility slowly decreased and it started pouring very heavily. My supe mumbled, "wa" and it so tickled me. He must really be bored to tears, like me. I think the people sitting across from me must be thinking that I am out of my mind, trying so hard to contain my laughter by biting my lower lip.

The meeting went on and on and on.. finally at 730pm, it was adjourned to be continued another day. 5 hours worth, and I ain't sure if I even understood an hour of what had transpired. Lawyers speak so softly. I could hardly hear.

I had thought of going back to the office, but my supe said he wasn't, so I reconsidered and decided to go off as well. Thought there will be a class gathering, but it ended up a separate one. The guys were at KTV while the gals at YF's place. It has been a while since I joined them as I used to have dance classes on Monday evenings. I miss dance, but no class starting as yet. =\ Watched TV and chit-chat. HX had just gotten married the day before and YF (the only one invited from our class) went on and on about how much effort she had put in for her wedding and how great her hubby is. Congrats gal!! I believe her hubby must be really wonderful cos since JC, she has always had a set of uber high criteria. Next up will be Drin. Her weddin is scheduled in Jan 08 and she has certainly began her preparations. She too, I believe will spend a lot of effort on her wedding. Gracie seems like she's starting to prepare as well, looking for a house. Topics revolved around wedding preparations. Got a little bored after a while cos I can't relate to the topic... An earth shattering news was shared right at the end with lots of disclaimers and which left us all thinking hard... ...

要是时间能倒转，你想回到过去的何时呢?

Was reading Aki's blog and this question struck me. Should one day, an angel comes by granting you the opportunity to turn back the clock, when would you turn it back to? Or to begin with, would you want to turn back the clock?

I wanna be greedy and request for the clock to be turned back to various times such that I can choose again, and of course, pick the opposite of what I have chosen, so that the outcome will be different from what it is now. Sounds like I'm unhappy with things right now? Not unhappy, but just felt that things might have been better if I had elected otherwise at various points of my life.

Looking back, I wonder why I made those decisions back then. One day I will know the reasons, but right now, I can't comprehend my own decisions... and I just feel that life sux... from the choice of schools, to the choice of course of study and many other personal decisions... Then again, I was posed this question, "won't life just be an empty shell if everything turned out the way you wanted and you're happy with everything else?" I won't call it an empty shell, but its just part of me, chasing after a fantasy world, without all the harshness of reality. Perhaps its all due to the over-protective environment I have grown up in. But what's so bad about having everything turn out the way you want it, without you having to go through all the pain and hurt when u fall, and drain yourself of all energy and life trying to stand up again. Worse happens when after you fall, you can no longer stand.

Of course, looking on the flip side, it is the ups and downs that enables us to mature and become wiser, so that we won't make the same mistakes once more.

Suppose my mood is greatly affected by the weather. It has been gloomy, with loads of precipitation... needa find my direction in life quick or I'll just continue to 'disintegrate' and waste myself away...

MLB

The crazy me was in action once more today.

Made a really last min decision to send my cuz off at the airport. Took a cab at abt 1140 when her flt was at 1240. The cab driver would have likely sensed my urgency. I really wanted to tell him to drive faster, but seeing that he's averaging ard 100km/hr, decided not to get him into trouble for speeding. When I dropped off, he actually said, "good luck". Er, cab driver must have watched too many dramas and thot this was going to be something dramatic like me rushing to the airport to stop someone from leaving or something. "Good luck"? LoL. Bumped into my teacher at the airport while carrying Jayden. What a joke! He actually thought I was married and checked that out with my cuz!!

In the afternoon, I went for the MLB gathering. For those who know who they are, good. For those who don't, doesn't matter, just remember that I can be tiz crazy too. Heez. My main motive there was to collect the tee and of course meet them. But yet, I know I won't be able to fit in with the people there due to generation gap. There were a couple of ppl there whom I know, but it was still relatively weird. Played a game of bingo together and I was in the green team, with Sam as the leader. Everyone's really shy and reserved in this group. But didn't matter since we won! And the prize, an autographed picture (now sitting on my desk).

Most fortunate thing, K turned up after the game! I was really elated to see her. Somehow, despite having only met twice, I would say that we hit it off pretty well. Its good that she's really sociable and we're of similar frequencies, so could hit it off pretty well. Farni thing is how she always thought that I am younger than her when in fact I was older. The happiest thing has to be the fact that I took a pic with him!! Although, due to K's 'muscle spasm', the pic's a little blurry. Happi, Happi, Happi!!

Here's the tee design..

Enjoyin' the sea breeze

Thought of doin somethin last nite, but somethin happened, or rather din happened, that got me rather fed-up, disappointed and upset. Luckily, SX, the fren who never fails to be always there for me, came out to meet me despite the call only at the eleventh hour. Din wanna stay in an enclosed area, we got our ice blended mocha and headed to sit by the beach instead.

We wonder just what is wrong with ppl of our generation. We've all probably been in the workforce for only 2-3 yrs, but yet, most of us are seeking an escape route out of this workforce. Also, it seems that none of us have an answer to the question, "what do u want in life"? Most of my frens are in the profession they are in simply because of the monetary rewards despite the endless complains that they are not happy with whatever they are doing. The "kiasi" syndrome seems to be the most predominant trait of most. Ppl just fear venturing out of their comfort zone. The thought of going back to school for another couple of years to get the necessary qualifications in order to pursue their interests seem to be something worse then death. But we've still got to work for several decades. What is these couple of yrs compared to the couple of decades. Personally, I can understand the fear for I have had to overcome it to take the step I took. In fact, I am one of the guilty ones who have planned my own escape route.

Have we been brought up in such comfortable and sheltered environments that we can't deal with the harshness of the work environment? If so, then what's going to happen to the future generations whose lives have been a whole lot better. Does this have to do with the education system in SG, which had always focused on rote learning (monkey-see, monkey-do kind), rather then developing us to think for ourselves, and to be concerned with issues beyond the textbooks.

So, do I know what I want then? I always thought I knew until I ventured out and realised that its only pseudo greener pastures out there. Nothing real, nothing tangible. But I don't regret the decision I made for I know I have tried and found out for myself that its not what I am truely looking for. Many ppl are remaining where they are and thinking damn hard, will that be what I want? U'll never know till you try. Whatever the decision made, sacrificies are bound to be aplenty. I'm still coming to terms with the pay differential, which has just widened given that my peers from my ex-firm got an increment. If I were still there, I probably would say, "so what if I get so much money? I ain't happy with what I'm doing." But now that I'm out, I say, "Ahhhh, my heart pains at the amount of money I have given up!!" From here, I conclude that I am not someone who can be contended with what I have. LoL.

I don't supposed there will be any workable solutions. We've all been moulded to be like this. Kinda wishy-washy, only complaining non-stop and not doing anything about it. I wished I had a solution too.. then not only can I help myself, I could help my frens out there who're all in the same boat.

Something really farni happened tho, while we we were enjoying our conversation. Some 'little bois' actually tried to pick us up. This tickled the both of us hard. We concluded that they must be really bored but nonetheless, an unspoken compliment to the both of us for looking youthful. LoL.

SX, thanks for keeping me company. U're such a sweet fren. Well, work's gonna be really busy for you and I know very well the kind of mental stress u're facing. But I also know that u'll be able to handle all the stress and work coming your way. You will be guided through everything. =)

You're GREAT!

Just read from the Rover forum that 10 has been awarded her BPA!! Though she doesn't know about the existence of this blog, still wanna congratulate her for the hard work she has put in and the perserverance to have come this far. All the effort was well worth it =)

BPA used to be 1 of the items on my 'to achieve' list. But guess I just din have the determination to follow through it. I had embarked on the process, but as usual, when people around me started dropping out of Rovering, I did likewise as I found it hard to continue without the support of a Group. Rovering were fun times. I'm sure many can attest to that. It was through Rovering that I made a close friend in PS, learnt so much so much about things that i'll never find in books, had the opportunity to try out so many different things and pick up skills which I will have otherwise never got close to learning... The annual camps organised, the training camps and workshops attended, the trips, hiking, nite walks, the sailing, kayaing, power boating.. all the beautiful memories.. missed those adventurous days... *sobz*

Coming to think of it, it was a pity that I gave up. Together with the BPA, I also gave up the woodbadge, something which I was pretty close to obtaining already. I had completed the requisite camps and courses and did 2 out of 6 projects required. Well, no one to blame, except myself. 10 did try to get me involved at the national level initially after the lack of support at the Group level. But after a couple of times where I didn't make it, she felt that it was pointless to ask someone who ain't interested. Not that I wasn't interested but at that point in time, the agenda on the books was kinda different. Couple of reasons but it was mainly due to work commitments.

Supposed learning about this struck a strong cord in me to prompt me to write this entry immediately. LoL. This will be another notable regret in my life.

Rovers, still remember back in 1999 when we first stepped into Marlin?? Realised in another 2 years, it'll be our 10 yr anniversary... Any possibility of getting everyone in one country and doing something adventurous again?? Its gonna be a huge grand plan with age catchin up with us and people located across the continents, but I think this is worth a thot. hmmmz^^

Resolutions?

I pondered long and hard... Is there any point in making new year resolutions? How many ppl actually do remember the resolutions they made and kept to them? *shrugs*

Its come to the end of 2006. But really, neither my frens nor I can recall what happened durin the year. It seemed jus like yesterday when we were still struggling through peak in the 1st qtr of the year. No one seem to have much recollection about 2006. No one had anythin good to comment abt the year. Everyone seem to be suffering from amnesia or has 2006 been so terrible for all? Nothing memorable, nothing worth mentioning.. how sad can life get??

With 2006 being such an uneventful year, 2007 can't get any worse ya? Just a couple of things I want to remind myself of in 2007,

1. find my religious direction and strenghten my relationship with the Lord
2. be more disciplined in work, studies
3. re-find/re-build my direction in life
4. leave tis lonely place
5. be less tempremental

Let 2007 be a greater year for all my frens out there! 2006 will be over, so let's not look back any longer.. look fwd and continue to perserve in whatever u're doin! someday, u'll understand why things happen the way they do! Minasan, gambarimasu!!!

1995

That was 11 years ago, when we all first met. Everyone donned in a white shirt with metal buttons and blue bottom. We were then 13. 21 Dec 2006, Suntec City. We all met up again. We are now 24.

I really wouldn't have imagined that we would have a class gathering after so long. We weren't an exceptionally close class to begin with and back then, there were too many unpleasantries that marred the friendships between many. I had my reservations as to whether the gathering will turn out well.

As usual, had work dropped on me at the eleventh hour and there was no way I could leave having had that kinda feedback given to me jus the day before. I would've just packed and brought work home instead if not for impression management. Crap! In the end, I only managed to leave ard 9 odd, shortly after my boss.

Went down together with Aki. The rest were done with dinner by the time we got there. I was a little taken aback by the large grp (16 in total). It took me a while to recognise everyone of them! Most of them hadn't changed much, including their characters. Just that it has been ages since I last saw them and I needed some time to register their looks. The usual lame and crappy ppl were still their usual selves, out to irritate everyone else. Think it was such a pity that we missed dinner where all of them had so much fun digging up all the nicknames and happenings of yesteryear.

(Sitting L-R: Eden, Madeline, TuanEng, me, Aki

Standing L-R: Yuchun, Yvonne, Hongjing, PeiPei, Warren, Kelly, Weikai, ThongLee, Jianwen, ChangHsu, Colin)

Look at all the happy smilez on our faces!! Guess from there, you can tell how glad everyone was. Fond memories of those innocent times keep flashing back, especially when I'm feeling all weary and tired of the added responbilities of growing up. It was a nice opportunity to forget all the worries and just reminisce about the happy times.

Thanks Weikai for the initiative of this gathering. He has to be one who has changed the most. From the quiet and nonsensical young kid to the matured and serious person he is right now.

Thanks Aki for Mukgu too!! Its now hanging on my wardrobe ^^

Happy when busy and tired

When PS asked me what she could pick up this winter on top of work, DGS and climbing, I just went 'DUH'. I thought those were enough to keep her busy, but apprarently it wasn't so. DGS and climbing had become part of her routine, and she needed to look for something else on top of that. Last winter, she managed to squeeze in time to do her mandatory papers as well, and without that in the way this year, she believes she has time for more activities.

We started discussing about how we've been engaged in so many other activities besides just work. Come to think of it, we've yet to stop studying since graduating from Uni. Besides work + study, we're also both actively involved in so many other activities. But PS certainly has more things on her schedule compared to mine. Studying is to aid our progress in work and all other activities are out of pure interest.

I had always like Jap and dance. This year just happened to be the most suitable time for me to get engaged in all these. Albeit I am beginning to feel tired, but I really love the lessons and at least I know that when I were to look back in the future, I can tell myself that I've done things which I'm interested in, and wouldn't be so disappointed with how I led my life.

All I can say is that we're 2 people who really wanna live our lives to the fullest. Lots of sleep has been sacrificed but I would believe that we're both very happy. Hence, PS said to me, "I think u're happy when busy and tired, rather than being free and bored". I think the same goes for you as well PS! Let us continue with our crazy schedules and keep each other going despite the geographical seperation!!

So looking forward to your return in 4 days!!! Countdown ticker is ticking away.. =)

When the results was announced

Last friday, I was eagerly anticipating the results of the winning bid for the Sentosa IR as it would affect me quite greatly. Well, the government sure had her way of keeping people in suspense! Results were due to be announced only at the end of the day at 5.30pm!!

When the results was announced, I felt my heart drop in two-fold. First was to heave a sigh of relief that I will have a wonderful Christmas afterall. Second was that I will never have that nice piece of experience to add to my resume. I had put in quite a bit of effort before the results, researching, analysing and forecasting. It was great experience and I loved it despite the late nights I put in. A project of this scale is a kind of one in a life time thingy and is unlikely to come by anytime soon. So felt kinda disappointed.

Well, my fren tried to cheer me on saying that something better will come in my way in place of this opportunity lost. I certainly hope so. That's the reason why I moved over in the first place. Have faith ^^

Chicago beckoning

Lately, I've been receiving mailers telling me of opportunities in Price's Chicago office. This is more of an internal mailer where I had left my gmail contact back then. Frens from Price will know about the Global Opportunites page. Chicago's beckoning!! No doubt I am certainly not qualified for the roles they are looking to fill, but no harm submitting my application. PS's overjoyed on hearing this and is even more excited than I am right now! This time round, I'm DEFINITELY putting in my application! No more BUTS and leave the rest in the hands of God.

Sleep Tite, Dun Let the Bedbugs bite

None of that held true last nite. I had such a disturbed sleep that I'm feelin' so tired now.. Gone to bed at ard 2am and woke up at about an hour later, itching all over. Thinking that it was the mosquitoes disturbing me, I went to get the mosquito repellant. It helped a little, but through the nite, I was flippin', tossin', scratchin'...

When I finally woke up, I showed my bro the bites. It din looked anything like mosquito bites. He said it could be sandfly. 'Duh'! How can there be sandflies in my room?? Where does he think we're staying? I went on to tell my dad. He was shocked and said its BUGS!!! Then we started the bug catching adventure. It didn't help that people usually only have a pillow and a bolster, but I had like 3 pillows, 4 bolsters, 3 large soft toys on my bed. We slowly went through these 1 by 1, catchin' those irritating bugs. Caught a total of 8 of them. They're really hardy. Instead of killing them straight, dad put them in a container of water to drown them. But they were still moving ard in the water for quite a while. My bro was the crazy one. Don't know if he gets a kick out of it or what, but he squashed the bugs one by one in the water. So the water kinda turned into a sea of red..

Dad said I must have brought the bugs back from the club I went to. =\ He's just afraid that the eggs laid by the bugs are still stuck somewhere around. He said we'll have to go through the bug-catching exercise again next week. Let's hope there ain't anymore. Itch and eekss!!

Fate

Had spent the last couple of days watching yet another Korean drama - My Girl. The first couple of episodes will make you think that the storyline is rather similar to that of Goong. However, watching the show right till the end, you'll find that there are similarities, but these are essentially 2 different shows. Aki asked which show I prefer? Frankly, I do not have an answer. I love both shows, thanks to being such a romance flick lover^^.

In both shows, it was always such that the rich guy will end up fallin in love with a gal whom he never would have imagined it possible that he will have the slightest interest in her! The gal is always someone who's of a lower social status, unable to carry herself well/be able to fit into the atas society, but they are essentially very bubbly and are like 傻大姐. Its literally the ugly duckling turning into a beautiful princess.

No doubt this is the reel life. But it got me thinking of 2 questions.
1. Is there really such a thing called fate?
2. Can 2 ppl who seem so different really be together?

I would think that I am a fate believer. I always feel that if something is meant to be, it will happen. Otherwise, no matter how hard you try, nothing comes out of it. But then again, how to know what fate is dictating for you right now? Something which I thought was fated to be, suddenly turned out to be otherwise. When I decide to ignore it, this fate thingy seem to come into play again. Then it disappears once more. This 'ding-donging' has happened more than once, such that I no longer know what to believe in. Hence, it got me to question if there really is such a thing called fate and how in the world would you know how to read the signs? I'm getting more and more confused..

I had always been a believer that no difference can be so huge that it could prevent 2 ppl from being together. But I had been proven wrong once and it was a heavy price which I paid for not believing otherwise. After that, I learnt my lesson and made my stand very clear. Then I begin to ponder again. Had I been too single-minded in my thinking that left no room for miracles to occur??

Everything just seem to point to the fact that my logics have all failed me, which explains the predicament I am in right now. However, I just refuse to believe that my logics ain't logical! Either way, its causing me quite a bit of grief. I'm in such a confused state of mind right now!!
*sighz*

Sometimes, I just wished that I was a marionette. Then I wouldn't have to bother about anything, nor get myself all confused over things that I'll never have an answer to. All I have to do is allow myself to be controlled by others, to allow others to tell me exactly what I ought/ought not to do. Then, there'll no longer be confusion and the exasperation that comes along with it. Somewhat of an escapism nature, but much less tiring...